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Return of the Skid/square one

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Fri, 07/12/2019 - 7:07pm

OSS showed up this week for the first time in weeks. And things are almost back to day one. This is a warning to those who have awesome (TM) significant others who “are trying” (TM) and “just need a little help” (TM) and are sure it will influence the BMs house, too. I’ve been married to DH for over seven years. Don’t bother.

OSS are very little at dinner even though DH cooked a very “safe” one. OSS went out to get fast food about an hour later. Eating habits back to original. 

Even DH could tell OSS had not bathed in a while and made the 18yo shower. Based on how he looked I would not be surprised if he had not showered since the last time he was at our house. Soap usage back to original.

I am cleaning tonight and can’t help but notice things. OSS has now gone two months without toothpaste (didn’t brush for a month or so before he stopped coming). He’s said nothing about needing toothpaste and DH has not paid any attention. Dental hygiene back to original. 

There is another kid in the house the same age as OSS. My DS maintains his person and is a good eater. That has had no influence, either. 

Oh and if your SO says he wants help and wants you to parent, too? He doesn’t. 

Comments

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Fri, 07/12/2019 - 8:14pm

I don’t think he’s interested yet. He’s a bit behind socially but seems to have caught up physically. I don’t think his friend group is interested in dating either. I don’t see this getting better when he goes off to college. I predict it gets worse before it gets back to original. And I have no clue what would prompt him to eat normally and perform the baseline socially expected hygiene. Maybe a review at his first job where it is addressed. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sat, 07/13/2019 - 7:31am

Well, he's 18, so I guess it's his choice. DH can tell him to move away because he stinks, or not let him come over if he hasn't bathed, but that's about all he can do.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Sat, 07/13/2019 - 8:18am

yup

Yet DH has bouts of thinking he can fix it now. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 07/13/2019 - 1:44am

He is not parenting his kids,   He as much to blame.  As the kids.  

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Sat, 07/13/2019 - 8:25am

DH once “accused” me of having it easy with DS because he likes doing those things. I informed DH that it not a personal preference. I taught DS from a *very* early age to do personal hygiene things so they became habit. He got used to doing them so NOT doing them feels worse. And I got divorced when DS was five and still managed to teach him to do this stuff. (But it helps that XH was, too.)

DH could have done it. He didn’t.  

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Sat, 07/13/2019 - 6:01pm

because god forbid they give a mom credit for actually properly parenting their child...automatically convicts them in the court of non-parenting.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Sat, 07/13/2019 - 8:17pm

Since they believe themselves ineffectual they are then ineffectual. They believe they cannot get their kid to do it so no one else must be able to get their kids to do it either and it’s nature over nurture.