You are here

Old habits don't die

ITB2012's picture

DH has a habit of allowing anything and everything to interrupt he and I in whatever we are talking about or doing. Just when it's me, not when it's anyone else.

It's not that things are getting better but it's just that there have been fewer chances. Tonight OSS called out to DH as he was talking to me. Mid-word, not even mid-sentence, DH stopped talking to me, walked away, and took care of whatever it was OSS wanted. I get that the kid is going off to college, but he's not leaving tonight, and there's no emergency.

Later I asked DH if at work a co-worker comes up and asks a question while he's talking to someone else, does he interrupt the first conversation to start and complete the second one, or does he ask the second person to wait and finish the first conversation? He started in on all sorts of "it depends" so I said, no extraneous stuff, no emergencies, no "someone's dying" scenarios, just normal conversation and issues. He said he finished the first conversation, asking the other person to wait.

Okay, I told him that he just did the opposite to me, again. That he's still treating me poorly, things are not better, it was just that it's been a while since the skids have been around. I said I don't appreciate getting treated that way; I expect to be treated exactly like he stated he would have handled things at work.

Things aren't going to get better after the skids leave for college, it'll just be on hold until we see them again.

And I'm not just standing up for myself now. I've had this same conversation with him before. I've walked away. I've loudly said excuse me to interrupt them and nothing, I've called it out when it happened. Apparently it's not that he doesn't recognize it or can't do it, it's that he doesn't respect me.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

That's disrespectful and bloody rude. I would refuse to pick up where you left off. 

Middle of a conversation? That conversation is now over. (If it something you need to discuss, wait a day - or later.)

Playing chess? Game over.

Dinner? I'd take my dinner and finish it elsewhere. 

 

My DH used to let the skids interrupt our conversation. I refused to pick up where we left off until he began telling the skids, "Hold on. Aniki and I are talking."

ITB2012's picture

I went about my business but DH came back and just started talking. It's actually the first time he remembered we were having a conversation he rudely left.

Unfortunately, I think this is where object lessons (what others may call passive-aggressive behaviors) may be needed if I feel like I want to make any effort to demonstrate how rude this is.

 

P.S. For example, it took even more than telling DH that the boys all had learned to hold doors for me and others properly but with me he was the only one who did not hold the door for me. I had to stand still and not walk through until he held the door properly. Where the H were his parents in teaching and modeling this stuff?