You may want a prenup. And, you may actually screw your FDH getting married with your big salary if the BM cannot/will not complete the FAFSA information. Married households have to count both incomes when determining need for loans.

DH and I met long after each of our divorces. And we both had things in the COs about saving for college in 529s. What is in the fund with DH/BM is for the skids. What is in the fund with me/XH is for DS. And at least all parties agree that what's in there is all that is available to the kid/skid. And there was no "making it even" between the kids. It's one of the few things that there was no fighting on. Now, the oldest two just started (DS and OSS), so we shall see if it actually plays out that way. I could see DH saying he wants to give OSS more money since DS has more money in his account---but that's not my problem or DSs problem, it's how much was set up to be saved and how well the funds did.

If the child lives primarily with dad, dad's income and his wife's should go on FAFSA.   That is the law.   Private schools will frequently ask for the CSS with BOTH parents and steps if any income.   Prneup will not change that.  Prenup can provide that your assets do not go for his kids college, but cannot help with financial aid situation. 

Married filing seperate will not change this.   The only think that will is not getting married. 

When DH and I got married, I told him how much I had saved for DC, and that was only for my DC.   I told him, and he agreed, that if we married, he would max his 401K and put an agreed upon amount for his DC in 529.   His kids will only be able to afford community college (barring something unusual).   My DC is mature enough not to discuss in front of his kids.

My DH's ex lives very close to our very good, imho, local community college.  Every night I go to bed praying nothing happens to her 

My kids got scholarships and my youngest participated in work/study for most of the tuition and we kind of paid as we went for things like housing & books. It would have been about 35,000/ yr for 4 years if they didnt have scholarships. My oldest paid 40,000 (loans)for his 2 year master's program and I paid for housing and other expenses as well as he worked part time. My kids kept good grades and never dropped classes.

The skids on the other hand are not smart enough or driven enough to do any of this. DH is shelling out money for a 5th semester of college. SD 20 has never finished a semester without dropping or failing ....but this time its different. She didnt pass the test to get in to the program she wanted but we're still shelling out money to go to an expensive college. She no longer wants to go to community college. My money is hidden or hed pull the we should help out SD 20. Nope. My kids have graduated!

We pay half of BS's tuition and books and he pays the other half. BS works in an apprenticeship that pays for the schooling required for his certification. If he chooses to attend a four year he will need to either get grants or loans.

Not because we can't help him, but because he has no clue what he wants to do career wise, and DH and I refuse to pay that amount of money for him to go not even knowing what he wants.

NOW. Before you get married. How much DH is going to pay for his kids college. No surprise later on, No  guiltily daddy.  Also the funding of his and yours 401 ect.  You don’t want DH paying for his kids and not have a 401.  This is something to get to writhing so there no rewriting of history latter on. 

Thing will change as time goes on. BM May find a new man who will not pay for his SK . 

ExH and I agreed that we’d first use an inheritance for our bios, then we’d each pay half of instate tuition and fees. If bios chose a more expensive school, that was on them to cover. It was one of the few things that ExH and I didn’t fight about. 

DH relied on financial aid and parent loans for his. That was before we married. DH will be 72 when that last loan is paid off. The kid didn’t even graduate. So stupid.

Absolutely get a prenup to protect your assets. 

Prenuptial

My advice is two lawyers. One for you. One for him. More expensive, but well worth it. 

We had discussed the prenuptial before we went to our individual lawyers. We were in agreement so it seemed simple. His appointment was several days before mine, and when I got there my lawyer had a fax of a prospective agreement from his lawyer in hand. While it was what we had discussed and agreed on, there was much we hadn't thought of. My lawyer reviewed scenarios we hadn't thought of (and his lawyer didn't talk to him about) and added language to the prenup. 

My friend and her fiance used the lawyer her fiance suggested. When the marriage broke up she found she was on the wrong side of a one sided prenup.

Another friend and her fiance did the two lawyer prenup. Since he had a dependent child, her lawyer also reviewed his divorce decree and custody order to determine if there was anything in it that needed to be addressed in the prenup. 

DH and I keep our finances separate, including whatever assistance we gave our own kids.  We waited to get married until SD (the youngest among all the kids) had filed her last FAFSA for her senior year.  My income woukd have affected her financial aid.  Sad that the financial aid system here is so screwed up, but there it is.

FAFSA is basically for federal aid - Pell, federal work study, federal loans.  Many schools that use only FAFSA don't have a lot of their own aid to give. There are exceptions, of course, but most schools that give their own aid tend to use the CSS Profile or their own form.  FAFSA looks at the income of the parent with whom the student spends the most time (and that parent's spouse); Profile and most school forms look at the income/assets of both parents (and stepparents).  

So yes, it is possible that your income could prevent your SD from getting aid.  If SD stays with her mother, it'll be school aid, as opposed to federal aid, that is affected.  And depending on the income of BM and her husband, SD might not qualify for a Pell grant anyway.  She can always get an unsubsidized federal loan, regardless of household income

There are a lot of variables here, and not every accountant/lawyer is familiar with financial aid.  If that's part of your reason for meeting with them, make sure it's an area they're familiar with.  Is SD a good student?  Is she likely to go to college?  Is she likely to qualify for academic scholarships?  Is she likely to go to the local community college followed by the closest state school, or will she or her parents want a private school or OOS education?  If she was a high school junior or senior, I'd say postpone the wedding and see where the chips fall.  I'm not sure I'd do that for a younger child, although it depends on how important marriage is to you.   I think you want to be up front with FDH that you will not be contributing anything for his daughter's college, and also let him know that your income could keep her from getting financial aid.  Even if he understands the former, when the time comes and he figures out the latter, there could be resentment if he didn't understand that up front.

In my opinion, it is not at all the job of the stepparent to contribute toward college for stepchildren, and the birth parents should not expect it.  In my case, the skids can get a free education at any of our state schools through BM, so DH and I won't feel bad when we can't afford to help.

All too many people- students and parents both - confuse “going  to college” with “getting an education”. 

Going to college usually includes a whole lot of social life - living away from home, football games, fraternities and sororities, etc. It’s as much about having a life experience as it is about learning.  I did it, and it was great.  But I got a huge scholarship and borrowed money.  My parents literally did not contribute a dime. They didn’t have an extra dime. 

I know many others who did not have the opportunities that I had. But they were determined to get an education even if that meant taking a course or two at a time for years.  I have so much respect for the ones who did it the long hard way. 

I'm not sure what it is here... but I have funds for my kids aside. They will also be contributing.

I will not be paying into ss schooling... I don't really care if they need my info, they're not getting it.

After all, BM won't be paying for my kids... why should I pay for hers lol

they are automatically entitled to govt interest free loans to study their degree masters etc. Skids go to university in their dads country of birth (where hey were born and raised and likely live the rest of their life in), they also get a govt loan and scholarships  but there is a portion that isn’t covered. 

Hubby is the only one paying for this. In his country no court order or law will make it mandatory for hubby to wear this cost solely because university is deemed a luxury and you are seen as an adult capable of working to supplement any costs not covered under govt loans and scholarships. Exwife pays nada but makes her kids think she is so poor she can’t contribute but she was sittin on over 1 million dollars she stole out of hubbys private bank accounts in the divorce to spend on herself.

when my kids will go to university they can work casual jobs like most kids do where i am from to help cover uni textbooks etc but whereever i can help along with hubby then we will but our kids have to earn it and understand the value of money.

i will never contribute anything to skids upkeep or college/university costs because its not my fault their mum refuses to be responsible for them like i would my own kids. 

My hubby is university educated so he obviously wants all kids to go to university and will do everything he can to help them go to university but he reminds them that its upto them to succeed at university or they can be an 80yr old cleaner with no savings or retirement saved up because they never made the effort. Skids have no basic life skills at all and hubby questions why they even go to university, there is no work ethic there, any motivation to succeed in life. They want a degree to show off to others because they have a mum that always wants to brag even when there is nothing to brag and even when its rubbed back into her face she still tries to brag even more and play the pity me card.

DH and I took out a loan to pay for my son's college tuition. Our savings weren't enough to cover the total tuition bill. In his sophomore year, he started working and now pays his salary towards that debt. I'm pleased that he has taken responsibility for college www.footballcolleges.com and is helping us pay it off, even though we haven't asked him to at all. Luckily, my son is really enjoying his studies there and will definitely graduate from college. At first, DH and I were really worried that he would want to quit college because at his age, it's hard to know what you want to do, and you have to try a lot before you make a decision.