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SD19 bill in mailbox..

notsobrady's picture

Submitted by notsobrady on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 5:30am

So remember when the whole family was running around like chickens with their heads cut off because SD19 was "sick" and needed to go to the Doctor? Well low and behold a bill came in the mail...addressed to SD19. truly not surprised that she either didn't pay her copay or this may be a lab bill since she thought she had strep so they did test her for it..according to GMA.. So I brought the bill to work with me. Unopened.

I know without a doubt if it was at home DH would open it, pay it and not think another second about it. 

Is it wrong of me to want to write "Not at this address" and send it back to the post office? 

What would you do?

Comments

STaround's picture

Submitted by STaround on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 5:37am

Give to DH or if I knew her address write it on the envelope. Eventually they will find her, and it may end up in collection, with fees.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 5:47am

I'd give it to DH.  It might not even be a bill; we routinely get notices from doctors stating that bills have been submitted to insurance and they're just FYI. It could be something like that.  In any event, if DH knows where she is he should just give her her mail rather than sending it back.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 6:53am

If you know her address "Please forward to:_________". If you don't "Not at this address".

She is 19. She has made 1,000 bad choices. This bill is hers to deal with. If she had just been a decent human being, this would not even be a situation. 

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 7:10am

My SD moved out over a year ago and is still giving our address as hers for bills.  I just got a brand new one yesterday.  Apparently she opened yet another credit card to run up.   He can't pay what he never sees because it is deposited in the trash.  He has not heard from her in months since he refused to give her a chunk of cash for something totally frivolous when she was refusing to work and pay necessary bills.  He is not going to react well if she calls him screaming that her card got cut up at a store!

Chmmy's picture

Submitted by Chmmy on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 7:28am

Susanm, Dont trash the bills. I think its againist the law. Return to sender or forward is what you should do legally. You can also go to the post office and make a change to forward mail.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 7:48am

Like if she had a good relationship with you and her dad, and was trying hard to make it as an adult (like a full time job that’s got room to grow or higher education), I could see maybe talking to her about the bills and possibly helping. 

BUT, that is not how it’s going. She doesn’t get to conveniently cut you out of everything else except the money stream. 

She has very blatantly said and demonstrated that you and DH should not be involved so like other posters said, don’t be involved and return the letter to sender. Do that with ALL mail for her. 

Or look at it this way: you are saving your DH from committing a federal offence by taking the mail and sending it back.

notsobrady's picture

Submitted by notsobrady on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 7:47am

I appreciate everyone chiming in on this. 

I will also add that I am 1000% confident that she will assume DH will pay whatever floats in. Absolutely no doubt in mind.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 7:49am

Of course, that's why she gave the Dr's office your address, instead of hers.

My Dr's office verifies my address every.single.time.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 7:52am

If that's the case, and he would open it and pay it rather than give it to her, I'll change my response and say I'd either put her new address or Not at this Address on the envelope and return to the mail carrier.  I feel bad for this girl. She's a screw up and makes bad decision after bad decision, but she got shit parenting, so it's not a huge surprise.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 7:47am

If it is addressed to SD, it is illegal for anyone else to open it, even her dad.

Yes, you should write, "Not at this address" and take back to the post office.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 9:09am

before entering the AF.  The last thing that got changed over to his new address (they bought a house in Niagara Falls NY) was the DMV info.  Once in a great while I received a notification from the DMV with his name on it.  I called him up and asked him if he wanted me to open it or just forward it since the DMV seemed behind the times on his address (government bureaucracy).

In your case I would DEFINITELY cross out the address, write "return to sender--address unknown" and drop if off at the post office.

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 9:57am

Return to sender!

Spawn went to a specialist after she turned 18 and gave them our address instead of her own. I guess she figured it was our bill to pay.

The billing office was obviously incompetent because they addressed the bill to DH. He opened it, saw who it was for, called the billing department and corrected them on their error. They kept asking him for a good address to reach Spawn at, he told them don't you have a phone number she provided you? Call her!. We still got another bill from them some months later, DH had to go through the whole spiel again!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 11:33am

We get mail at my parent's home frequently.  We used their address as our US address while on Expat assignment for many years. They used to use our address when they were on Expat assignment.

File it and give it to her or.... once you have a stack put it in a large envelope and forward it all to her. Unopened if you like.  We and my parents always open it and purge any junk mail before forwarding it.  I would not open this Skid'd mail just in case they get snarky about it.

No need to pay for anything or .... take any action other than forward it.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Thu, 09/19/2019 - 12:26pm

After YSD ran off, her mail kept coming and bill collectors started calling our home looking for her.

DH didn't want to deal with it, so I started putting the mail in a paper sack and giving the collection agency the phone number of the guy she'd shacked up with. When I had a nice pile of mail, I took it to the post office and asked them to forward it to her new address (she was living with this guy literally around the corner from my FIL). DH never asked, and I never told but the problem got resolved.