No sleepover
The teen sleepover is going to happen on Friday. My bf will be there for it, and I’ll be staying at my place. I’m going over for Saturday night while he goes to work overnight. My SD is being told to be on her best behaviour for me. The second there’s any sass, I’m calling him, and he’ll have to come home.
I still don’t want to do it, and I can still say no. I could also bring a bottle of wine and my iPad and see how well that goes over. (SD thinks my iPad is hers and hates alcohol).
Lol now I’m imagining reading the news on my iPad with a glass of wine while she gets mad that I won’t play dolls with her.
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Comments
Is this supposed to be a
Is this supposed to be a "compromise"?
Why can't she just have a sleepover at BM's house? I don't understand this at all.
Why are you doing it
It not going to end well. First he set up a sleep over then goes to work, that does not make sense. Now you are playing his game by babysitting his kid. Letting him and the kid control your life. That a bad start
So, he talked you into it,
So, he talked you into it, good for him.
I think it's a big mistake.
My ten year old doesn't even play with dolls anymore
so there is no way my 14 year old would.
Ugh all of you are right. I
Ugh all of you are right. I shouldn’t have agreed to this.
It kept me up all night. I have to stop being afraid to say no. I have to say no to him.
Why are you afraid to say no?
Why are you afraid to say no? That is what you need to examine.
What are you afraid of? It's
What are you afraid of? It's really unreasonable for him to ask you to give up your weekend to watch his teen daughter and her friend, when she has another parent she could be with.
He needs to be more afraid to ask unreasonable things.
My guess is, you agreed
My guess is, you agreed because you are scared he will end the relationship if you said no.
Why do you feel like this much older than you man with a special needs child that you do not want to be a mother to, but he is trying to force it, is the only person available to you to have a relationship with?
He’s not the only man I could
He’s not the only man I could be with. I’d be just fine being with no one. My brain just got stuck on him, I guess. He’s got a younger girlfriend now, and he sees a mother figure for his daughter, who desperately needs one. And she really likes me. So it’s a win for him, except she exhausts me. I wish she had the same interests as me other than the superficial ones (ie the mall), and I’ve tried with a specific form of art that I do (I’m being vague on purpose) that she’s into.
But no camping or road trips or bonfires, which I love. Because she loves luxury, like shopping and Disney and all inclusive trips down south. And all my electronics are supposed to be shared with her. His family can’t put up with her. He’s so desperate for someone who can.
"He's so desperate for
"He's so desperate for someone who can."
But you can't! You have said it over and over. HE DOESN'T CARE AND IS FORCING IT.
Then, he needs to find
Then, he needs to find someone else and you need to find someone who is with you for you, not to be a mother figure for his kids.
You are willing to do things you don't want to do to make HIM happy, but your happiness, and what YOU want, is of no concern to him.
"He’s so desperate for
"He’s so desperate for someone who can."
But that someone isn't you!!
He is wrong for looking for a SO that will connect with his daughter. He's wrong for trying to force you to be that someone. And you are wrong for sticking around when you know this isn't what you want.
And all my electronics are
No.No.No. If he wants her to have electronics, he buys them for her. She doesn't get to use your ipad. Let her use his. Oh, he doesn't have one. Too bad. Christmas is coming, he can buy her one then.
You are being used.
You know it. That way you are upset. What can he do if you say no. I bet there not a line of woman in his life who just want to be a mother to his child. He not going to break up with you. There not that many woman who will put up with this.
We also work somewhat
We also work somewhat together in a high profile environment. (Same building, different schedule and job title). That could cause issues too.
What issues? You think you
What issues? You think you will get fired or lose clout because you end a relationship?
It's not high school. It's a professional environment.
Don't do that. Don't find
Don't do that. Don't find excuses to settle. No outside person, places or things should decide what you want. YOU decide what you want and don't what and that's it.
If you weren't feeling like
If you weren't feeling like all of this was wrong or uncomfortable in some way - you wouldn't be reaching out to us.
Read that again.
Oh, sweetie. PLEASE break up
Oh, sweetie. PLEASE break up with this buttmunch or tell him 'no' so he breaks up with you. You know you're not liking yourself in all of this.
I think sometimes that I
I think sometimes that I shouldn’t have an opinion on children since I decided not to have any. I told my bf that I can’t discipline his kids as we are right now as a couple. But if I lived with them, it would have to be different.
"...if I lived with them..."
"...if I lived with them..."
Stop. Where was that independent woman just a few blogs ago? The one that likes her rental by the water, her independence, peace and quiet, steady job and was dreaming of buying her own place some day. Where is she going? You are giving in, withdrawing into yourself and letting him fill your head.
Come back. Come back and take control of yourself and your life. He will swallow you into darkness until you don't even recognise yourself and aren't allowed to have a thought or opinion unless he gives you permission.
I can feel it with every response you give us that you're falling down the toxic man rabbit hole. Girl, climb out of this bullsh@t and take care of your business!!!
Why on earth are you even
Why on earth are you even considering moving in with him... and telling him how it would be "better" if you Did?
And, in the event you didn't know... given how he babies his daughter, no, you would not be able to disapline her if you were fully under his control living with him.
Listening to Viking music
Listening to Viking music right now and making brunch. I’m gonna get my hair done and get stuff ready for work tomorrow. This is my life. These are my responsibilities. This is still selfish.
What is selfish? That you are
What is selfish? That you are taking care of yourself and not HIS daughter, that HE should be taking care of?
Selfish...why? Because he
Selfish...why? Because he told you that you should want to take care of a child that isn't yours? That you shouldn't work a job that you love? That you should move in with him so he has a free bratsitter? That you shouldn't say no to him because you're selfish and shouldn't enjoy being the independent, free thinking, childless, hard working person that you have every right to be?
Girl, you are falling into his abusive snare. This is NOT normal and NOT okay. I think you know it too. Go get some councelling and work on healing yourself from the scars of bad relationships. You have at least 20 online women and your sisters telling you this is abuse and you're still contemplating on running right into the arms of this poisonous snake.
Get help please.
Yea, he is definately putting
Yea, he is definately putting snakes in your head.
You went from loving your job to thinking it was toxic and caused PTSD. It's HIM that is causing PTSD.
Look. I worked with law enforcement for years. You have access to a therapist. You need to get to one. Honestly, it literally sounds like this guy is starting to drive you insane. I mean that in the most loving way possible. I totally understand, I was married to a malignant narcissist for 10 years. Please please leave this piece of $hit.
Can you explain why you think these are your responsibilities?
Can you explain this a little more? "This is my life. These are my responsibilities. This is still selfish." Why is his child your responsibility? Why are you selfish for not wanting to take care of his child?
If you work in law enforcement, you have had training on domestic violence. Domestic violence, of all kinds, starts with a desire to control. This man is trying to control you. Please consider getting some therapy to help you understand why you think you need to let a man control your life.
Oh for the love of God, what
Oh for the love of God, what is happening here?
Good luck, OP.
Print our this blog
And all comments put it in a envelope with date to read every six months. You have such low esteem and expectations for yourself. You should be NOT be dating or in relationship. When you blow off the very smart been around the block wise people of this board with lame excuses you must want to play the poor me victim. Would you let a rape victim, since your in law enforcement say it was her fault. This is going to end badly and you are refusing to see the train coming at you.
Add me to the DONE list.
Add me to the DONE list. Each post is more fantastical than the last.
HEY OP...you should not be
HEY OP...you should not be loaded when your babysitting someone elses kid.
Stay off the booze lady, ok?
I’m not a troll or a fake
I’m not a troll or a fake poster. This is all real for me, and I’ve been venting here to try to clear my head about it.
I wasn’t expecting as much criticism, so that’s my fault.
I can delete my blogs and focus on myself. Then the butt hurt is all mine and not online.
It's not criticism. Almost
It's not criticism. Almost everyone who has taken the time to respond to you has said the same thing, which is that they don't think you should be babysitting and that it doesn't sound as if you're in a healthy relationship. We don't know you but your sisters do - and they're saying the same thing as well.
If you were happy with the situation you wouldn't have posted. It's very frustrating to watch someone being given sound advice over and over again who still chooses to ignore it. Good luck!