Is it acceptable to pay your partner's CS?

I'm baffled as to why someone would pay their partner's child support or allow themselves to be in a financial position where their money is unquestionably being used for CS and other things that are skid-related.

Now I am all about you and your partner being exactly that - PARTNERS. And I can certainly understand when one of the couple is temporarily incapacitated and out of work, so the other person picks up the slack.

Would you pay your partner's CS? If yes, for how long?

When is it enough?

What is too much?

ETA: This is for men AND women. IMO, a person should be able to support themselves, regardless of gender.

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Absolutely not.

There's nothing attractive about a man that isn't able to support himself and help support his children. I will never fall for the BM or CS system sob stories. If you can't afford to help support your kids, then you can't afford to be with me.

I'm not in the habit of buying/supporting men. And I damn sure ain't interested in fixer upper projects. I expect men to have their shit in order. If not, they can keep it moving.

Agreed. And I don't think

Agreed. And I don't think there is anything attractive about a WOMAN who cannot support herself. Especially one who uses her babymaker to poop out more kids in an effort to obtain more support from an ATM, er via CS, or any other finanical aid.

As for fixer-uppers... Hell, I consider myself to be a constant work-in-progress because I am NOT perfect!

I would if it were a

I would if it were a circumstance where DH was unexpectedly let go from his job or suffered an injury that prevented him from working. I'd be willing to do it for about 6 months. If DH still can't pay it for 6 months, then we will have to decide next steps. I don't want him to incur fees or end up without a license over a temporary situations.

BUT, if he gets fired for doing something stupid, or he quit his job, or he does something super stupid that was nearly guaranteed to cause illness/injury (e.g. drunk driving, jumping off a roof into a pool), then he better figure it out. I'm a partner, not a sucker. If I have to be adult when I don't have kids, then he has an even bigger obligation to be one since he has kids. It becomes totally not my problem when he doesn't make it his problem, either.

I agree with you Lt-dad. If

I agree with you Lt-dad. If it was due to something like an accident or layoff situation I would be willing to pick up the slack, however there is also unemployment or disability to help as well in those cases. So I am not sure it would be so much paying CS as it would be carrying a heavier load for the household for a hopefully short period. Like you said 6 months and then it would be time to figure out a new plan. Especially if he was permanently disabled, life would just have to be adjusted to accommodate our new budget.

If it was for something stupid, nope. Good luck with that. He better find a new job fast!

Lt Dad, you are always able

Lt Dad, you are always able to articulate what I'm thinking. MWAH!!!

Agree with all you say.

I have helped on occasion...

I have helped on occasion....it was just another financial obligation that he had... me lending him money that was repaid. It was never a long term situation.. and it was usually not the full amt.. just easier on everyone to not have BM screeching.

Yeah, I've heard enough of

Yeah, I've heard enough of BioHo screeching to last me a dozen lifetimes. Good point.

I have loaned my DH money - which he promptly paid back with his next paycheck - but not for CS. Had he needed it, I would have loaned it to him under the same circumstances - paid back within days.

I also actually used to make

I also actually used to make the deposits for my husband's support directly into bm's acct. I had her acct information..

sometimes the consequences to not paying or not paying "on time" are worse than lending someone some money. My dh is/was a hard worker.. but he had struggles with his businesses... he more than made up for any help in other ways (ways that saved me money/aggravation) but I was always repaid and he never abused the privilege.

but.. legal issues.. BM playing with withholding or punishing the kids..not great options.. plus BM really did need the money because she was unemployed half the time. His kids would have suffered otherwise.

Fortunately my DH doesn't pay

Fortunately my DH doesn't pay CS. I'm willing to pay for some things for the skids, and I do, but I would draw the line at paying his CS. I hope he will continue to not need to pay CS so that it can never become an issue.

While BioHo spent the

While BioHo spent the majority of the CS on her regular mani'pedis, dye jobs, and $$$ clothing, she did make sure the skids had the basics. Just not pricey ones that would interfere with HER upkeep!

I know exactly where you're

I know exactly where you're coming from Aniki, and I'm blown away by these women who are so desperate for a man that they basically become sugar mommas just to keep one. Very sad.

Right?! Do men find fawing,

Right?! Do men find fawing, dependent women attractive??

The weak moocher losers seem

The weak moocher losers seem to.

IMO, it's because they need

IMO, it's because they need someone weaker than themselves so they can feel superior...

Yes if they're thinking with

Yes if they're thinking with their dicks

Do you have to pay if not earning?

Is this Cs in the USA? Do men have to pay it regardless of being employeed? In the UK you pay a proportion of what you earn, so if he lost his job like hell would I help bm in any way, id be concentrating on keeping the roof over our heads

I know someone (Illinois)

I know someone (Illinois) whose CS was based on a percentage of his income. If he was not working, there was not income, so no CS payment. VERY weird, to me. But he was single and living in an area where jobs were hard to come by and often temporary.

I guess it all depends. My

I guess it all depends. My DH was without a job for awhile but I will not pay his CS. I pay for the skid's insurance every month so if my DH lost his job he would have to figure CS out for himself. I mean I am willing to help out with utilities, groceries etc but certainly not any money that goes to BM.

I paid for a couple months

I paid for a couple months when DH lost his job. He had severance and paid for 3 months or so and then I helped for 2. I did it because at the time we wanted to be sure there would be no issues with a pending green card petition and god knows, court would not have decreased it any, nor did we want BM to know he lost his job.

Worked out fine - he would never take advantage of that and he'd help me if I needed it.

Understandable situation!

I did it in my previous marriage.

Back in the day, ExDW convinced SD's dad to assume custody. As insulting as it was to pay another man to care for his own child, it was WELL worth it to get SD out of my house.

Men have to pay women to care

Men have to pay women to care for their own child all the time - what's the difference?

You'd be ok with your current

You'd be ok with your current husband paying your CS to your ex-husband? Or your kid's step-mom paying your ex-husband's child support for him?

No, and I wouldn't expect it,

No, and I wouldn't expect it, I'd earn my own money and pay it myself. And any partner who asked me to do is consistently would be out the door.

It was just the way you worded it that you were paying him to "take care of his own kid" - all child support is paying the other parent to take care of their own kid, whether father or mother.

Right, but I was "only" a

Right, but I was "only" a step-parent, ya know. An outside party to the "parental financial obligation situation."

From a step-parent position, it would almost be like paying a neighbor to care for their own kid. That sort of thing.

The neighbor is not invested

The neighbor is not invested in the upbringing and ultimate lauching (hopefully) of a child and is pretty much indifferent.

Did your wife not work?? She

Did your wife not work?? She's your ex, so she's a) working, b) getting alimony, c) shacking up with another victim.

Wonder what occupation she

Wonder what occupation she lists on her tax return? Shackerer Upper? Gem Miner?

And yet, on other threads

Many talk about marriage being a partnership. I would not pay CS, but I also would not expect my DH to will me his vacation home.

Um - not the same thing at

Um - not the same thing at all? Unless you see children from a prior marriage and real estate as both "assets" somehow.

CS is a liability

No, I do not see kids as an asset. I do think that if some people expect that all of a DHs assets should be theirs, not helping with CS is somewhat hypocrytical. It seems that many here on STeptalk pick and choose depending on gender how marital assets/liabities should be divided.

I don't understand at all,

I don't understand at all, they are completely unrelated. His obligation to a prior child and his assets are completely separate issues.

I must have taken a wrong

I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. What does CS have to do with wills and vacation homes?

It has to do with sharing v not sharing

If you dont want to help with CS, then I dont think you should expect financial gain from marriage.

Apples and oranges.

Disneyfan, maybe you should

Disneyfan, maybe you should have taken a left at Albuquerque...

LOLyahoo

LOL*yahoo*

This isn't "other threads".

This isn't "other threads". It's MY thread and it's about CS; not vacation homes.

Can it be about vacation

Can it be about vacation homes? 'Cuz winter is coming and I would like one.

Only if the vacation home

Only if the vacation home belongs to someone else's partner/spouse and he/she is willing it to you for the purpose of STalk gatherings...

Sometimes we bite the bullet

I have been helping my DH with his monthly CS due to him being hospitalized for a while and no longer able to work. I don't mind helping him because it wasn't his fault his organs started to fail him. Also the $$ goes directly to a bank account for SD. He is now fighting to get his disability so when he gets that he will pay me back and continue to pay it on his own.

Understandable circumstances.

Understandable circumstances. Prayers for your husband and I hope his disbility is approved.

I would like to pay with a

I would like to pay with a check with my picture on it, but use DH's money. haha

Nope it is not acceptable.

Well, I understand

Well, I understand extenuating circumstances, but going into a relationship with a man who cannot pay his own bills, CS included, is what I don't understand. Co-mingling finances with someone so that THEIR bills can be taken out of joint funds, that I fund more, would not appeal to me. And, would not happen.

I said it above: If your

I said it above: If your partner wants to move in because he/she cannot afford to live on their own? YUGE RED FLAG!!!

DH has gone into arrears for

DH has gone into arrears for a month or two rather than me paying. NO WAY am I indebted to that. I probably paid indirectly in the beginning when we bought the house (mostly my $ of course) and he then had a job layoff and I kept a ledger of what he owes me (in the several thousands - he pays me back periodically...once he pays his financial debts off he'll be paying me off).

Yes, we do have split accounts for a reason. And no, it's not a problem for us at all.

Several thousands? Ouch. The

Several thousands? Ouch. The most my DH ever borrowed was $500 and he paid me back on payday.

Yeah, I stopped the loaning

Yeah, I stopped the loaning pretty darn quick once he was slow on the uptake of a new job. He hasn't done that again.

Good for you!

Nope

We have separate finances. Might not work for some but its been working for us, for now.

So, his car payment, spousal support, and child support is all paid for by him and only him.

I get that children need to be supported by both parents but I also believe the Troll has the ability to work. She works plenty of side gigs and travels for her dudes and all that, so she can get and work a job that supports herself. Heres the rub - all her expenses shed be paying anyway, without a child. Just because she popped out some kids, now she gets support payments. The child doesnt cost that much more because we buy clothes and pretty much everything else.

We've had separate finances

We've had separate finances for 23 years. Works for us, too, and DH doesn't even pay CS, anymore.

We've had separate finances

We've had separate finances from the get-go. 'Ho works, but she's gone back to brunette and doing her own mani/pedis since CS ended. Not so many new clothes, either. In fact, she wore the same blouse to SS20's boot camp grad in 2017, SD23's college grad in 2018, and SD26's grad in 2019.

My friend is totally ok with it

I have a friend who has been dating a guy with a kid for 2 years. In that 2 years he's been unable to keep a job so she supports him financially while his parents pay his child support. I do not understand how she finds it attractive at this point. I have lost all respect for him.

i have been married to DH for 5 years. The way I view child support is it's a debt that has to be paid. If he falls behind, we fall behind financially. He has paid it faithfully since SS was 6 months old and has never lapsed so if worst came to worst I would pay it. But at this point he's proven he's not a loser that would make me pay it like my friend bf.

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Is it acceptable to pay your partner's CS?

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