I can't move on from even the smallest frustrations
I feel so emotionally stuck. All of the crap that SS15 has done in the years that I've been in my relationship with DH just weighs on me. It's not just him, it's all the BM crap too, but BM gets to insert herself in our lives because of SS, so I blame him. And, of course, DH allows SS's shenanigans and uselessless and doesn't enforce boundaries with BM, so really my problems are with DH.
But, I get so frustrated from everything now. I hate the sight of SS, but I always have to fake it like I like him and it's so draining. I don't want him around. I so want to just tell him what a jerk he is to all of us. I want to explain to his therapist why I don't want a relationship with him other than cordial roommate. I don't want to improve on a relationship with a completely selfish, self-absorbed, manipulative teen.
I hate that I have to live with him. I hate DH for it. I hate DH for constantly bringing up SS in conversation. I don't want to hear about it/him. Even the littlest things now will put me in a ruminating loop for hours. And, when I do open up to DH, I no longer feel better after our talks. I no longer feel close to him. I no longer feel like we are on the same team with the same goals, but I lie when DH tries to comfort me. His words are no longer comforting, he can't make me believe that we are in a bed of flowers when I know we're standing in crap that never ends.
Sorry...just needed to get this off my chest. I don't want to get into anything specific. I've just been feeling this way for a while. I know I need to talk to someone professionally about my issues. Feeling this way is obviously not good for my health.
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Read your past blogs. What
Read your past blogs. What happened to boarding school idea?
No one has brought up
No one has brought up boarding school since that incident. I would still love him to be in boarding school, but honestly, his behavior in our house since that incident hasn't warranted boarding school. He is manipulative to get things, but he hasn't stolen to get them.
I'm sorry. I have no real
I'm sorry. I have no real advice, because I left my step situation due to just not bearing living with someone that I didn't like, didn't act appropriately (like a normal human) and didn't like me (or my baby and actively tried to hurt him). My formerSO's son lived with him (us) fulltime, so there was just no freaking way.
I know the deep dread you feel.
If you're this miserable, and
If you're this miserable, and even your DH doesn't provide you comfort, why do you stay? And please don't say because you love DH. I loved my XH even after I moved out, and he was an emotionally abusive a-hole. Love isn't enough. Neither is money. If you don't feel secure and listened to and loved, and if your partner isn't doing their everything to help make life livable, then it's not a good relationship. It's an objectively bad one.
Why are you expected to be
Why are you expected to be nice to him or build a relationship with him? You have every right to avoid him completely if you want to.
I think maybe your own therapist could help you stand up for yourself here.
Definitely try working with a counselor 1:1 for your own sake
Wow!! I do understand and did keep up the nice front that it was OK for both my SS's to not help out around the house, treat us like servants etc. Thank goodness much of that has changed in my case but I know how hopeless it feels reaching that dead end street. There is hope and you can find a balance eventually just keep being open and honest with DH and tell him that you need for him to meet you half way.
To my discredit, I did not push the envolope nearly enough and year after year of DW and I both not setting and enforcing home life expectations, I'm climbing back from a very low position emotionally and now we both have a lot of rebuilding work to do on our marriage. Just my add in here ... Keep talking and let DH know exactly where you stand and how you feel. Also, try to find a decent counselor and go solo. It can help you get through and process everything
OP...Totally understand my
OP...Totally understand my OSS is a manipulative POS as well. Luckily he doesn't live with us. I am truly sorry that you are going through this. I really don't have any advice for you on this because I am in the same position.
Congratulations
Your baby is almost 1 year old. How is the little one? I saw that there were some issues with the birth - I hope everything is going well.
It sounds like you will definitely need some visits to a therapist. Your home is a fortress and it SHOULD be a safe haven for you. And you have THREE LONG YEARS before the 18 mark for the SS. Thats a lot of suffering.
You havent given much detail but it sounds like you are blaming the wrong people for SS.
But I get that - I was VERY angry at Feral Forger SD20, and when she was living with us, even just parttime, it was miserable. She was/is dirty, rude, whiney, manipulative, messy, selfish and a liar who likes to get out of things by threatening suicide.
She first tried that at 15, and it worked. That was our first Valentines Day together and we had to take her with us because - "you are takingyour GIRLFRIENDS SIDE over your chhhiiiiiilllllldddddd!" (insert annoying whine here).
She found out what buttons to push and what to do so that she can get away with everything. She currently doesnt work, her mother has 5150'ed her as an adult, so the government paid. She has stolen checks and $$ from her mother, still lies, and doesnt even have a drivers license.
So - it doesnt get better unless the parents decide they want to parent.
Thanks for all the responses.
Thanks for all the responses. Baby girl is doing great. And, I know I need to just focus on DS4 and DD. It's a big reason why I'm trying to stick it out with DH. There are the little ones and I want to keep my marriage intact. I sometimes think that if DH and I divorced, I wouldn't want my kids to have a stepmother that secretly resented their existence. I know it would be completely different because I'm a different parent than BM and DH, but it does make me feel guilty for feeling the way I do about SS, even though I know my kids will never be like SS. I would be up front and honest to my kids about appropriate behavior and I would never let them get away with atrocious actions.
But, SS is his own person and does as he pleases. He is completely different from SD, whom I have a good relationship with, but DH also parented them differently and it is painfully obvious.
I'm just so resentful of the little things that I used to take in stride but now just irks me to no end. The only way I see out of this is to separate from DH or somehow figure out how to retrain my brain to stop thinking about SS, but I can't seem to do that, so leaving DH seems like what I need to do.