Hey, it's me... Just complaining about being a Step Mom again. 

So this past summer, DH and I decided that at night, when he and I were getting ready to retire to bed, we would let the SDs (then 9 and 14) pick out a movie to watch together if they had behaved that day. We told them up front that it had to be a movie that we pre-approved, not only because they have a moderate age gap and what was appropriate for the OSD might not be appropriate for the YSD, but also because they are what I would consider higher risk than other kids--their mom is a drug addict and we aren't sure what might be triggering to them, etc. So we would have them pick out a movie to watch and we would tell them they could watch that movie or show ONLY and then they were to make sure everything was shut down when they went to bed. 

Now, I didn't have the most structured childhood, meaning on weekends and in the summer I was able to stay up as late as I wanted and watch pretty much whatever. So I know from experience that if you let them, kids will try to get away with watching really scary movies or movies that contain a lot of nudity or violence. For awhile anyways, it seemed as if they were adhering to the rules. That is until DH woke up at about 4am to pee and they were still up watching TV. He scolded them and told them they were to watch only what we had approved for them to watch and only what they had EARNED that day. They lost TV privileges for a week and then after that they were able to continue watching approved movies or shows as a reward for good behavior. 

So one day, I'm taking the dog for a walk and SD10 (who was 9 at the time) came with me. Usually, neither of them wants to go but for some reason she had wanted to. As we are walking, she asks me if she can describe the movie that her and her sister had watched the night before. I am thinking she is going to describe "Horton Hears a Who" which is the movie that they had said they were going to watch. Instead, she goes on to describe a movie called, "The Perfection". Go ahead, look it up. I'll wait.

If you've ever seen it or know what it's about, you know it isn't appropriate for a nine year old and, in my opinion it's also not appropriate for a fourteen year old that had had little to no supervision in the recent past while she was with her mother. So I ask YSD why they were watching that when they knew that they were supposed to be watching the movie we had ok'd them to watch. And you know what she says? 

"Oh, me and Sissy never usually watch the movie we say we are going to. We turn it on and if Sissy thinks it's boring Sissy will find something else."  When we returned from the walk, I checked the watch history on the console in the living room and sure enough, it indicates that what YSD said was true. 

They have since lost any television privileges.

This is one of the reasons I dislike SD15 so much. The fact that she manipulates and controls her sister. SD10 would do anything for her sister. I can understand--I'm the youngest of many sisters and I adored them and looked up to them when I was little. But they also protected me and tried to set a good example. They didn't ask me to lie for them, or tell me that if I didn't do their chores for them they wouldn't love me anymore (which is what SD15 does to SD10). 

SD15 is constantly calling SD10 fat. I've found notes from SD15 to SD10 saying, "I'm all you have, without me you're nothing". I've brought these notes to DH's attention and he brought them to the therapist. Even after the therapist / DH spoke with SD15, she still continues to say these things to SD10. SD10 is dependent on SD15 and SD15 loves it. She wants it that way. We've told them both that there will come a time when SD15 moves out and won't have time for SD10 anymore. SD15 has already said that once she is on her own she will "have no use" for SD10 but instead of helping her become more independent she is doing everything she can to keep her under her thumb. It's infuriating.

SD10 refuses to call SD15 by her name, instead referring to her as "Sissy". All day, every day all we hear is SD10 saying, "Sissy, do you want to play with me, Sissy?" "Sissy, watch this, Sissy." She says "Sissy" at least twice per sentence. It's all we hear, "Sissy, Sissy, Sissy". She speaks in baby talk, which we are trying to break her of, but we can't seem to get her to speak like a kid her age, so "Sissy" often comes out as "Thithy" and it's even more annoying. 

SD15 came up with what she refers to as "Sissy Code" which is a set of rules that SD10 must abide by, lest she lose the love of her beloved "Thithy". This includes lying for her sister and taking the blame for her sister in situations where we sit them both down and ask how something got broken, where the money that was in the change jar went, etc. According to "Sissy Code" SD10 is to cover for her sister at all times. When SD10 slipped up and told me about what they were really watching, SD15 shunned her for a whole week. We've tried speaking to both of them together and to them one on one, telling them that in this house we will not tolerate this "Code" and trying to get SD10 to realize she's getting the short end of the stick because SD15 throws her under the bus any chance she gets. But SD10 is too afraid of slighting her "Thithy" and so their behavior continues.