Completely disregarded.
So, I realise I posted not all that long ago. But here I go again. Tonight hit a new low really. His ex wife forgot one of the child's comforters, which she never has done previously, and decided she wanted to come to ours to drop it off. Fine ok. Hand it over at the door type of situation. However, I said I was not comfortable with her snooping around our house and especially into our nursery for our unborn child. Well surprise surprise, in she comes into every room, except the nursery, her reason for it being she's seen enough nuseries. Good for her. However, she loudly announces its bigger than our old house, not a clue she'd even been there. At 34 weeks pregnant right now, I literally do despair. Is it just me or is this the biggest joke.
What?! Who let her do that?
What?! Who let her do that?
He did
He let her in. It's what the kids wanted. So that makes it 100% ok apparently. Fuming doesn't cut how I feel.
Don't blame you. That's not
Don't blame you. That's not acceptable. Wouldn't be to me, anyway. Or to my DH, thankfully.
The nerve
And then the nerve to stand in our kitchen and question my choice to go back to work full time. I've not felt so much hatred to this level in such a long time...
And your response
And your response was not "Get the f*ck out of my house and never speak to me again, you judgmental cow?" There is not much you can do about people speaking ill of you but you certainly do not have to let them stand in your kitchen and do it!!!!
That is completely
That is completely unacceptable and invasive. His kids should not be calling the shots.
This exact thing happened to
This exact thing happened to me!! DH let BM in and she started walking around. Hopefully it doesn't get worse
Your DH should of stop that.
Your problem is with your DH. Not standing up for you.
Agree
Even used our toilet.
It's what the kids wanted.
It's what the kids wanted.
Well, whoopdeedoo! Do they pay the mortgage? My DH would not let BM in our house if she was getting ready to piss her pants. Gas station is up the street.
You need to set some boundaries and let NOBODY cross them.
Agree agree
She was dropping off the comforter. I made my feelings clear beforehand. I could have guessed they wouldn't be respected. Whilst she was here I just stayed in the bedroom. It sent the kids hyper, so screaming entailed for that whole period of time also. Our home, in my eyes is our sanctuary, but apparently she saw the old house aswell. Will gain some clarity on that at a different time. As to why. Im pregnant and tired and just over it all.
If you must, think about the
If you must, think about the many homes that you have been in over your life time and realize how little relevance any of them have in your life today.
Hahahahaha! Yeah, 'cuz that's what it was about.
My house, my sanctuary.
Maybe she can start contributing to the bills?
But the fact is that he feels
But the fact is that he feels guilty over leaving, so over compensates.
Oh my God, if I had a dollar for every time I heard the frickin' guilt excuse on this damn site, I could quit my job on Monday.
Feeling that damn guilty that you can't actually move on? Go back to the ex, then, or stay single instead of pulling somebody else into your dysfunction.
He left, for whatever reason, he chose to leave. He needs to DEAL with it and move on. Letting the kids have their way about everything is not an effective way to parent and it's not going to make up for the divorce. Letting the ex tag along for whatever, or wander around your house, is not going to change the fact that he left her, and it's certainly not going to be healthy for his current relationship.
Maybe he needs to examine why he left, why he should feel guilty about it. Is he sorry that he left her? Because guilt is a pretty useless emotion, in most cases, and can cause more harm than good. So, he needs to get to the bottom of it. I know I would not put up with my DH disrespecting me because he felt guilty about his ex, not for one minute.
I agree with this so hard I
I agree with this so hard I am practically levitating. Still dealing with this same BS from the BF.
The BF dropped his kid off at
The BF dropped his kid off at her mom's house the other day and told me he almost went in to use the bathroom, and he couldn't understand why I was horrified, even though the ex wasn't there. I asked him how he would feel if the ex used his bathroom when he wasn't there, and he just blew it off.
If you told your DH. NO
And he did what the ex wanted ? Then he has no respect for you, when one partner saids NO to the ex going into there home. There is no other side. There no discussion on it. He showed his true colors. He will not change because he does not respect you.
The ex does not belong in the
The ex does not belong in the home period. The kids should not be controlling the household either, period. How many broken relationships will one have to have before they learn this? If you are not ready to do this then please do not get involved with anyone. You are not ready for a relationship and it is not fair to them. Also be at peace with the fact that your children and your ex will always control your life.
“They have not agreed upon
That’s not how that works, CG.
If neither party is willing to discuss and come to some sort of compromise / house rule, then that means that both parties can not, and should not, be allowed to grant an outside party entry into their shared home.
You (general “you”) cannot go against a boundary with someone you share a home with strictly because they cannot reach a mutual agreement.
He’s disregarding her boundaries here.
Exactly.
Exactly. Under CG's theory of household boundaries, if my DH and I were unable to agree on boundaries and therefore there were NO boundaries, things might get pretty interesting! For example, I have an astounding propensity toward adopting every stray dog I see. It already looks a bit like an animal shelter in here and our vet bills would make most people do a double take. And I am relatively sure that DH's "jokes" about letting SS and the grandskid come live with us are not entirely jokes. But the lack of agreement means that we keep the critters to a somewhat reasonable number and the SS/grandskid to visits only. Failure to agree means more boundaries. Not less.
Latest instalment
So, the latest instalment, is that I am apparently a coward. I am sure me and OH will discuss it more tomorrow as for now, he has stated he doesn't want to spend anytime with me and is 'fuming/the angriest he's ever been' slight over reaction I feel.
Honestly, between this and
Honestly, between this and your other post about him making you feel like a nasty person for not loving his kids like a mom, I think he's looking for things to be angry about, or rather, looking for excuses for his anger because he cannot be honest about what is really going on.
AGREE
He is a naturally angry person. Angry at everyone. And a depressive to a certain degree also. He has certain tactics he uses when he's angry at me in particular, the main one includes the good old silent treatment. Usually I go running to him. But being heavily pregnant, I do not have the energy. Yeah the first post was a warm up to be honest. Who knew the main event would happen shortly after. We have the kids until around 3 tomorrow. He's taking them swimming tomorrow, and I plan on doing my own thing.
Are you sure you want to keep
Are you sure you want to keep subjecting yourself, and soon, your baby to this man and this enviornment?
Usually I go running to him.
So, he knows he can treat you any 'ol way and you will let it go. This will not change. He will not change.
Weakness
You are right, ultimately he knows I will get tired of being ignored, and attempt a resolution. I so desperately want our unborn to have his dad in the picture. That I sacrifice my own thoughts/ feelings. But I know this is all a choice. It doesn't make me loving him any easier, because madly I do.
more red flags
than a communist rally. Plan your exit, stat!
That sounds familiar.
That sounds familiar. I used to respond the same way to the dreaded silent treatment or the "I am going to be mad at you because you had the audacity to be mad at me." Also known as "best defense is a good offense." I know that my DH did not invent it but you would think he did because he was so unbelievably good at it. I would inevitably cave and go to him with a blanket apology for anything and everything just to make the conflict stop and get back to "normal."
But then something happened and I got completely and utterly sick of feeling like I loved him more than he loved me. That imbalance of power is not only uncomfortable. It is humiliating. Especially when there is a BM/ex-wife in the mix throwing herself smugly around. It was like one day a switch was thrown. I still loved him very much. But I just woke up with the strong feeling that I would rather be f*cked sideways with a chainsaw than be treated as "less than" for one more second.
It took several days the first time before he realized that I was not going to come to him with the usual apology to appease him. And I am not going to claim that they were comfortable days for me. There were times that I thought I was going to come out of my skin because there was a war inside me between what I wanted going forward and my old comfort zone. But once he figured out that there had been a sea-change in my way of thinking, he was the one who came to me to make up. Because he did love me and he did want the marriage that he had started to take for granted. That was the beginning of the changes that needed to be made for me to be happy again.
I said all that so that I can say this. You do not need to sacrifice your own thoughts and feelings just because you love someone. You do not have to be the one to reach out and make peace when he is the one being an ass. He can reach out to you.
Thank you
Thank you for this response. It was great to read. You have been in the exact same situation. These people are masters at what they do. Knowing usually they will receive the same results. Being called a coward for protecting my own mental health is where I draw the line on this one.
We have a technique here that
We have a technique here that the moment BM pulls up to our complex DH goes out to greet her and the kids ( on the very rare occasions she does drop off)
When we get a new place DH does want to give her a quick tour . I'm a little against it but before we make it "our space" considering I've had to be at her's more than I'd like it wasn't my hill to die on.
Now if my stepkids asked her in after the fact I'd have a talk with DH but no. That's my house. My place. Not for her to judge and be in.
Though honestly it seems your DH needs a real kick in the pants to understand how important you are. I'd be happy to volunteer
I feel for you. Regardless of
I feel for you. Regardless of if your husband agrees with you or not he should not treat you like this especially since you are pregnant. I think it is a really good idea for you to get some space from them. Maybe reach out to some friends or family to spend sometime with them and give yourself a break.
After reading your comments, maybe you guys would be better off spending sometime apart, maybe it would help show him he needs to take care of the relationship that he is actually in.
Also why is it that these kids always get crazy around their parents IDK what the deal is. I swear if my SD8 and I are together she is fine and chill. As soon as Dad or Mom come around she acts like a 2 year old boy with no self control. It is so strange to me.
Your baby daddy is an idiot.
Your baby daddy is an idiot.