Not so Christmas Vacation
Hi,
New to this place but... here goes,
My DH works 12 hr shifts 4 days a week. The 4 skids: SD (16) and SS (14,12,10) all wanted to come stay for Christmas break. DH told them and BM that they could come over on his days off. Well BM flipped out and told him that we either take them for the whole 2 week break or don't see them at all. BM also said she decided to "skip" Christmas this year so if they were going to get a Christmas it was on us. DH of course wants to see his kids and we had gifts ready for them. So he agreed to the full 2 weeks, w/o asking me. This is my vacation, I work in education so I was really looking forward to spending quiet time at home with our own children ages 8yo and 4 months. He didn't ask me if I was okay with playing babysitter while he's working! I had plans with my own family and now feel like I can't go anywhere or do anything with these kids here. SD and oldest SS went to a friends house Friday and came home high as kites! DH and I are so upset but his punishment didn't last long, they already have their phones back and were allowed to go out with friends again last night. BM has stopped by a couple of times to see them. She sits out in the driveway and they go out to see her. I'm tired of it, I asked DH if it would be okay for them to go with BM while works and he just shrugged his shoulders and walked away. I don't know what to do, I'm tired and feel trapped.
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Comments
Oh my goodness, theres so
Oh my goodness, theres so many things wrong here I'm so angry for you!
That's not one or two kids, 4 is ALOT and should absolutely be discussed/asked or whatever between you and DH before they come for any extended period of time. And if DH is working then he is mad to not have discussed it with you. I would completely tear him a new one. It's not even as if he can claim they are old enough to entertain themselves as the 10 and 12 year olds are too young!
Drugs for me are a big no. I'm going to assume you mean weed and I know depending on where you are it's not illegal but it's a huge no from me. Particularly with little ones in the house. The second someone comes home high they would find themselves dropped back off with mummy dearest. But obviously, you may feel different about this.
You need to lay the law down with DH, if he isnt going to be physically present, is unable to set or keep boundaries, is inadequate in dealing with drug use then quite simply they arent welcome because its unreasonable to expect you to be responsible for 6 kids!
And as for BM on the drive
And as for BM on the drive way, well, that's just, I dont even have words for that. Just no, not acceptable.
Just to be clear,
Just to be clear, there are some states where weed is legal for adults but there are no states where it is legal for anyone under 18.
Where is pot not illegal for
Where is pot not illegal for minors?
Go do what you want
Go do what you want to do. You asked their father for his opinion on the matter and he "shrugged and walked away." That is the universal sign for "I really don't give a damn." If he doesn't, why should you??? You said that you and he were so upset when they came home high but I think you really mean that YOU were upset. He clearly is less than concerned about what is going on with his children.
Don't ask him "if it would be
Don't ask him "if it would be okay" if they went with BM when he's at work, tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not willing to be their babysitter if he is at work. Either he can find another job, take the days off, or they stay with BM.
If DH had done this to me, I would no longer be in the mood for asking if anything was "okay" with him.
Seriously, who does your
Seriously, who does your husband think he is? Or rather, who does he think you are, the nanny? You are not responsible for his kids. If he can't be home with them, they go to BM's.
Why would it even cross his mind to say okay to this, without discussing it with you?
I get that he wants to see his kids but letting BM call the shots and manipulate him is NOT okay, especially when it affects YOU. He should have called her bluff. Now, you are stuck with THEIR kids, while BM has 2 weeks of freedom.
Your husband needs to take them back to BM's. Period.
Yes, that's true - at least
Yes, that's true - at least here, there is a week left of break, so those kids need to go back post haste.
I’m still trying to get past
I’m still trying to get past the fact that you have a 4-month-old and your spouse is doing this to you.
Tell BM, yes you tell her, that if she darkens your driveway, or heck - your street, with her pathetic presence that she will be driving away with ALL her crotch droppings she cannot bring herself to engage with over Christmas / Christmas break.
They’d be unaccompanied minors so fast, my DH’s head would spin.
I'd pack my things and go
I'd pack my things and go away for 2 weeks. Let DH feel what it's like to be a single dad. Oh, and not tell him what your plan is. Just be gone, and lock your kids' rooms before the SKs come over.
This is a hill to die on. Prepare for your last stand. If you let this slide, it'll just keep happening.
With appreciation
Thank you all for your input. I don't know why I feel like I have to be this fairy godmother type of step mom who absolutely loves kids that are not mine and have been taught to dislike me. *eye roll* DH left for work this AM and oldest SS had his bag packed and was on the phone with grandma to go home. SD saw him packing and got her stuff packed too. They went with GM and the 2 younger SS stayed for lunch then asked to be taken home. I told them that was probably best and they are welcome to call DH and make arrangements to visit when he's off work again. It's really unfortunate that they and myself are caught up in the chaos and poor communication of their BM and the DH. Usually DH won't put me in that situation but I don't know if it's lack of patience and the want to see his kids that made him agree to such ludicrous plans. BM refuses to communicate with me personally so hey take your kids and leave me alone!
To add to that please make it
To add to that please make it clear to your H that, that is the LAST time he makes a decision like that without consulting you. The kids DO NOT stay in your home if he is not there, end of story-PERIOD! There is no misunderstanding that. If he's not home, they aren't either and who cares what BM thinks or cares about it.....not your problem!
Enjoy the rest of your time with your kids!