BM came to my DH* a few months ago, said she'd heard a rumor we were getting married. He told her it wasn't true yet, but likely would be before long. Unbeknownst to me, he was planning to propose at Christmas.  BM told DH he should wait until their oldest, SS16, is out of the house. DH told BM (1)SS16 is already out of our house, thanks to her, and (2)SS16 doesn't make those decisions for DH. My thought, upon hearing this, is that part of the problem with SS16 acting like he runs the show, is crap like that. She treats him like he does, and expects everyone else too, as well. No wonder he likes her house better.

Fast forward a couple months, we really are engaged, and planning the wedding. The date is June 20th. It is set, we can't move it, have reservations for venue, photographer, etc. First, she tells us the other two kids have their Washington DC trip from right before the wedding, until right after; and that we have them that week, and can't count on her to help shuttle them around (which we never ask her to do, anyway). Puts everyone in a tizzy for a couple hours until we pull it up on the school's website and see they're coming back June 17th, not leaving the 17th. She waits two days and announces she's going on vacation the 22nd, and needs us to keep SS16 while she's gone. She can't just leave him with a friend, because the terms of his probation won't allow it. It's got to be her or us, unless prior approval is obtained from the court. 

Um, no. We'll be on our honeymoon. Not to mention, he's nuts, and she's completely destroyed our ability to control him when he's in our home. We're not moving our honeymoon, and I'm not kicking off our married life, with that angry little ball of hate. "But I've had this trip planned for a year," she whined. Well, she didn't tell us, so we had no way of knowing we might be asked to take care of him at that time. She waited until she knew we had plans - big plans - to spring it on us. DH told BM she wanted SS16, told us she could do a better job with him and she didn't trust us, so now she needs to figure out what to do with him. So now she's not talking to DH, which he is loving. But I'm waiting for the next thing she's going to try, for the other shoe to drop.