Basically what I am woman said.  I'm going through roughly the same thing.  Got my stuff out Saturday, had to talk to the girls.  I basically just told them I love them and always will.  And that I'm really proud of them.  And that if they ever need me they can always contact me.

Assurances it's not their fault, that you still love them. And that you're not dead to them like your Ex may have partially painted it.

I'm of the opinion that your only duty is to do what your conscience tells you to do. If you feel like you need to talk to her for your own closure, then do so. However, you're under no obligation to do that.

Additionally, this is a crap thing for your ex to put on you. It's meant to make you feel bad and guilty. Your ex had thr ability to say "you can come between 9 and 2 while SD is at school" without laying it on how you've hurt his kid. Sure, your relationship dissolving likely hurt her, but that's not on you solely. It's an unfortunate thing that happened that people were hurt by, but it's not your fault.

Make sure you make that distinction in your mind. Don't blame yourself for SD's sadness. It's a consequence of a failed relationship, but it's up to her parent(s) to reassure her that it isn't her fault. If your ex is feeding that you're the bad guy, he's only doing a disservice to his daughter by feeding into her thinking that it was somehow her fault.

I am in the "abide by his wishes" camp.  I went back and read several of your past blogs.. and TBH... I think things could have turned out a bit differently.  You said that the switch flipped for you once you became pregnant.. and that prior to that.. you didn't have the resentment etc.. towards what you portrayed as a fairly normal and nice child.

On the one hand.. you would resent that he expected you to help him out with things surrounding his daughter.. but on the other hand.. you resented HIM.. and HER .. when he DID tend to her needs as her father when you checked out of that area.  You seemed to put up such a high wall..not even wanting to consider SD as your baby's sister.. that is a pretty big rejection and from what I can tell.. a fairly strong reversal from pre-pregnancy.

Did you try to seek some counseling for your depression you said you were experiencing?  Did you try to go through any couples counseling with your BF?  It does seem he had some dated ideas on "women's work" in the home.. but I don't think that is something that changed in him.. but more your response to it once you became pregnant.  But... certainly there may have been some way to work through the conflicts?

I did see his withholding of his daughter from the EX as a red flag.. I would be very concerned that you will be at that same crossroads with him once your child is born.. because he will have just as much right to the child as you.. and I hope this isn't a foreshadowing of what is in store for you.

It just seems like this all went bad and to hell in a really short amount of time.  I can see everyone being very hurt and raw from this.  

I think the kindest thing you could do for that child is to stay "gone" if that is truly what you plan on doing.  I don't think there is any explanation you could give to her that would make her feel better.. because.. in reality.. it WAS her presence that appears to have driven you away.

Hi there- I read back through your blogs and I may be a bit alone on this one but I'm in agreement with ESMOD.

I'm not sure what your FH did that was awful enough to leave him while your pregnant with his child. All I read was that he wanted SD to come out with you guys to tell family, had to take care of her the night you found out you were having a boy, and they ate your leftovers. I don't disagree that she could've spent some time that night by herself so you two could celebrate the news of having a boy but also don't think that's a relationship ender. I don't know if there are worse things you didn't mention.

It sounded like your SD was so genuinely happy and excited to be a sister and you literally wrote that this was YOUR child and not her sister. To me it sounded like he wanted her to feel included in the celebration. I would think most kids that age would be upset or resentful of a new child being born but from what you described she was the opposite. Just because your pregnant FH can't just not pay any attention to his daughter. It truly sounds like you want him to send his daughter packing and cut her out of your lives in order to be with you. I get it- totally sucks that you have to have her FT right now but from what you described that wasn't necessarily a permanent situation.

I don't have kids of my own but I do understand the awful feeling of knowing he did it all before with his ex. Sometimes I wanted to have a child just because I was jealous that his ex got to experience it.

But you can't realistically expect him to just cut his daughter out of his life now that you two are having a child of your own.. I have to be honest- I feel terrible for your SD in this situation. I can't imagine the confusion and you completely are leaving because of her... a child you state you once loved and had a great relationship with.

IDK... based on what I've read I think this could be all emotions right now as he doesn't sound like a bad guy. I worry you will end up regretting this decision and it will be too late. Unless there is truly something more I'm missing here...

Regardless- best of luck and hope you will be happy no matter what the outcome!