Yes. Cancel the order and quit chasing the brat. He playing a game. Same game that lovers play. 

Cancel the order. 

Yes, this was predictable, this is how it went with my SS, too. He never had the strength to stand up to BM, ever. He fights with her, tooth and nail, but that's just part of their dance.  He was great with us, and then back to alienated jerk with BM.

I hope you can learn to see it as his reaction to and way of coping with being abused by BM rather than how he's treating you as a person.

But yes, cancel the order and let DH handle all communication with SS going forward. This pattern will continue until he's old enough to stand up for himself, or the court order ends.  Since returning from alienation at 18, SS now does respond to DH - I guess BM doesn't feel she has the ability to control it anymore.

I would definitely cancel the order.  I don't totally blame the kid - obviously he's under the influence of his evil BM - but he deserves NOTHING from you.

What a knob head - glad to hear you cancelled the order.  BTW I wouldn't actually book any holiday for the summer yet.  We are being told in the UK (and I think we are a bit ahead of the USA for COVID19) that the lockdown may last until the summer, and even after that there may be significant social distancing still enforced.   

That has been a huge help for mine.  The PA we deal with isn't nearly as severe--and the physical distance is not, either--but I know how painful it can be.  DH and I got to a point where my mental health was breaking down as I tried to support him. 

It helps him so much to have someone *other* than me to validate him and for him to be able to vent without feeling like he's stressing someone else out with it.  It's enabled me to get some emotional distance for myself, too.  (And I've gone back to therapy, as well.)

I understand buying clothes while he is on the visitation with you but I'd not send him clothes to where he lives . Like don't teens like to choose their own clothes to fit their style? You don't even know his size and he wouldn't even tell you his size, I'd not be guessing sizes. Can't his mom buy him clothes? Plus he is sitting at home until at least April 30th so what kind of clothes does he need?
 

My DD has good relationship with her dad and SM but I'd be confused if SM just send her clothes, not a special gift or bought her stuff during visitation but send like regular every day stuff to my house? I'd be confused why she did that. Especially guessing size that might not even fit? I'd not be mad about it but very puzzled. It seems so unnecessary.

I understand your DH is hurting. One of my skids is estranged  from us and her sister (one SD is normal and one is insane) and it's painful for DH but you can't fix it by doing these things. Just focus on your kids. 

I do get how frustrating it is but you got to disengage from SS
 

I'm sorry this is a very difficult situation. It's sad because the kids basically have two personalities. I saw this all the time with Spawn while we were raising her. When she was with us, she would bad mouth her mom to DH and you could see that DH liked the idea that Spawn didn't like her mom.

Yet when Spawn with with Meth Mouth she had no problem saying how much she hated DH and told people he was an idiot and she had no respect for him.

This is largely why I disengaged from all their dysfunction, that and I was tired of being the whipping boy. I think for you disengagement could help. It's not about hating the kid, it's more about just guarding your heart, not allowing them head space and supporting your spouses relationship with them. Trust me it's hard, but it helps in instances such as this.

Act like an a-hole you get nothing. Logical consequences.  Real simple and real life. Stop feeling guilty for teaching this life lesson. 

I would let his Dad handle him entirely. The best thing to do is block him back- mentally and physically. 

So if court mandated phone calls won't happen will dad go back to court? 

I wouldn't be surprised if SS came with instructions from BM to have DH buy him clothes or whatever else he offered and bring them home.

Ugh!  I was afraid this would happen.  I can only imagine the conversation that SS and him Mom had when he landed.  

BM to SS: OMG...I missed you so much.  Are you ok?  I bet they treated you awful huh?  Well lets go buy you some games and you can tell me how awful they were to you.  Oh,,,and we got a puppy and went to Disney when you were gone.  Too bad you were not here.  Im sorry your dad made you miss that.  

Gag. 

But yea...no treats for SS from yall.  I am not even sure I would charge her with contempt.  This has gone on so long.  I feel so sorry for your DH.

My DH has an alienated daughter. When she was your SS's age she did the same thing as him every time she saw her dad. They had a great time, pretended alienation's not happening, promises to pick up when he calls, collects gifts that really only benefit BM who didn't have to pay for them, then back to radio slience until the next birthday/christmas collection.

Just reading through your feedback and a few comments stand out. My experience with this has taught me it doesn't get better at 18. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't get your hopes up that everything will be better in three years just because SS will legally be an adult. People don't magically shrug off a lifetime of brainwashing when they hit that birthday. 

Gifting Distancing.