At what age is nudity appropriate for kids?
Although I didn't grow up seeing my parents (never my step dad) nude), my DH sees nothing wrong with the kids watching nudity in movies or walking around nude. My SD is 12 and my SS is 10.
I told him I didn't think it was appropriate for him to be walking around the house naked especially in front of SD. She has mentioned that she doesn't appreciate it, and I guess I thought it just wasn't necessary.
I should explain we have two bathrooms but only one shower/tub. He walks nude from the bedroom to the bathroom. Both of the kids' rooms are by the bathroom and the kids can see everything.
Although I don't like him doing it, it doesn't bother me that much really. What bothered me tonight was that we watched the movie Interview with a Vampire and there was a scene in the movie where a girl is completely topless for a long period of time. Actually there was a lot of scenes with women topless. Then there was a scene where a girl was completely nude and you could see everything. I simply asked if the movie was appropriate for the kids to be watching and my husband asked me why I was so hung up on nudity. Seriously? All I asked was if the movie was appropriate. We are both 45 and I've never had kids. I don't have friends who have kids and we've only been married for three months. I guess that's why I'm asking. I don't experience with kids and I'm not sure what is really appropriate.
He also said a crude joke tonight about "would you kick my butt if it was a football?" My SD said "yes." Then DH said "Blow on the stem". It wasn't exactly directed at her, but I was actually horrified. He makes jokes but I thought that one was way over the line. She was pretty shocked and now they are upstairs watching the rest of the stupid movie and I'm ready to bolt out the door.
Am I crazy? Am I wrong to think that the movie and the joke was inappropriate?
He is completely
He is completely inappropriate and needs to be told that it is wrong. If SD does not like it then HE NEEDS TO STOP and the crude jokes are not funny to a 12 year old - in fact it borders on perversion - I would be kicking his ass - you are not crazy and he needs to stop. If someone hears him he could get in trouble also nudity is not appropriate for a 1 or 12 year old. I would be horrified if my DH ever did any of these things in front of any children much less his own!!!
Yes, I think it is
Yes, I think it is wrong-really I think it is WAY wrong. I am not as disturbed about the movie as I am about him walking around naked and saying inappropriate things. Why is it so difficult for him to bring some pants to the bathroom? Perhaps even wrap a towel around his waist? The body is nothing to be ashamed of-but modesty is also important and having proper boundaries is something that is important for these adolescents kids to know.
Wow yeah I agree with the
Wow yeah I agree with the above post. Very inappropriate! I would be putting a stop to it. I personally think that a father being naked infront of a daughter past the age of 2 is not appropriate.
I hope you do say something to him, I feel for his daughter who has to put up with that. Gosh I would be horrified to see my father naked! Ek!
"blow on the stem"??? yuck!
"blow on the stem"??? yuck! all of the above is inappropriate! Especially if your SD is saying she is uncomfortable...she is saying "I want boundaries". Her dad needs to respect that. My husband and I personally do not let our kids watch R rates shows in our presence -- if they choose to watch them now on their own, the 17, 18, 20 and 22 year olds, that is their choice, but we don't watch them in our house or with them. My husband and I don't even watch them. We both are uncomfortable with it, and especially uncomfortable with the kids. We even get uncomfortable when there is too much sexual inuendo going on in a show! Prudes to some, but that's us.
As far as nudity in the house, we don't do any at all. None of us. I never have, and my husband won't even walk around in his underwear around his own kids or my daughter. We just are modest people I guess.
The crude joke that your husband told to his daughter was so inappropriate that it borders perverted to be honest -- and to say "blow on the stem"?? If his butt is the ball, then what is the stem? His penis??? She's no dummy? That just grosses me out. I'd be wanting to run too. I don't know what I'd do if I was you because he obviously is oblivious to his behavior because you have mentioned it to him already, and he seems to think its ok, when it clearly is not.
Maybe marital counseling?? before he does something that will damage his children? Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe not?
This is bad. The fact
This is bad. The fact that:
1. You're uncomfortable about it
2. SD is uncomfortable about it
Means that it is wrong and he's entered into a very dangerous situation. Since you were sitting there, he dragged you into it. Look what his kids did, they left. Kids are smarter than their father. Shame on him.
Shame on him allowing those young kids to watch such a dirty show and then for what came from his mouth. I really feel he might be "warming" his daughter up....you keep an eye out for the girl. No respectable father would be exposing himself to anyone but his wife. This is just completely inappropriate.
Don't be a part of his sickness. Go in and talk to his kids and see how they feel. You be sure and let them know you don't like it either.
Personally, I'd leave him. I get the feeling his behavior is going to become worse. Don't go down with him. Get out!!
One word from SD to her teacher....one word from SD to her friends that go home and report it to their parents....one word about your husband's nudity in front of the kids reaches a teacher or official, those kids WILL be removed from your home. You will have to answer for what he's done. You will have a stigma. People won't allow their kids over to your home and adults will avoid you. You will be outcasts.
We have a word for a guy that thinks, acts, and talks the way he did infront of you and his kids like......CREEP!
I don't see anything wrong
I don't see anything wrong with stuff like that. I still walking around nude sometimes to get to my room after a shower or something (not when skids are here though) but never to do it just b/c. However in this case the daughter is saying that she uncomfortable that is the only reason your dh needs to stop!!!! When the kid says NO time to stop!! Period!
Thank you. He is actually a
Thank you. He is actually a good guy. He isn't 'exposing' himself deliberately. He's simply walking from the bathroom to the bed room since our master bedroom doesn't have a bathroom. I did tell him I thought it was inappropriate and he stopped. I was really blowing off steam last night. The joke was disgusting and I told him so. He normally never jokes about stuff like that and it wasn't directed at his daughter, it was just said to all of us. He later came down and apologized and recognizes that he says stupid things sometimes. Saying things without thinking occasionally and that was one of those times.
It's terribly inappropriate
It's terribly inappropriate and if you don't want him in jail better not have sd or ss friends over when DH is home. First time he walks through naked or smacks someone on the butt or plays tickle fight or tackle pile he's in big trouble. Not saying he'd do anything intentionally, but he clearly has no common sense on this matter and is so out of line. And 12 year old girls can be snarky little shits. First time one of the feels the least bit uncomfortable it can be blown way out of proportion, and blamo - dh is in big trouble.
I think next time I'd ask sd in front of him if it creeps her out. "eww gross dh, put some clothes on, that really creeps me out, you too sd?" Better to embarrass him now in front of just his kids vs the whole dang town.
You're not crazy, you are
You're not crazy, you are perfectly sane for feeling this way about nudity! My father had the same type of attitude about nudity and jokes when I was growing up. He made me uncomfortable a lot, and girls just don't forget things like that. I'm no prude, my husband and I walk around naked at home, but never when SD is there. Maybe that would have been okay when she was a baby, but she is almost a young woman and that is entirely inappropriate. And the jokes, wow! The BM that I have to deal with is so paranoid and certifiably crazy, that she would take information like that and have DH in jail for it.If I were him I'd be terrified that SD might tell her mother, that could get him in lot of legal trouble for saying those things and exposing himself to her. Or, just as bad, SD would grow up thinking her father was a pervert and made her uncomfortable all of the time. Most likely he means nothing perverted by it and that is just the way his sense of humor goes. It doesn't matter though because it's not child appropriate. I really don't think the movie with multiple topless women is really appropriate either for SD or SS. They are both almost teenagers and you don't want them to start viewing nudity or sex so casually, it could lead to very bad life choices for both of them.
I'm sure your DH is a nice guy or you wouldn't have married him. He needs to learn boundaries about this subject though, and realize that you are not hung up on nudity, it's just not right.
It's not right..SD said she
It's not right..SD said she is uncomfortable and her feelings should be respected. As for his "comment/joke" what the hell is wrong with this man...that is sick..
Thank you so much for all of
Thank you so much for all of your comments. I was blowing off steam last night and probably made it sound a lot worse than it actually was. The joke WAS horrible and he later apologized for being a jerk. He recognizes that he sometimes says inappropriate jokes. The nudity thing isn't really a big deal anymore as he hasn't been nude in front of the kids pretty much since I moved in. We've only been married for three months. He would only be nude walking from the bathroom to the bedroom. It's a short distance down the hallway. It wasn't like he was walking around nude all the time or trying to deliberately do it in front of her. Our master bedroom doesn't have a bathroom and it's a total pain. He is never inappropriate with them normally. He is a fantastic father who fought for custody of both of his kids as his ex is an alchoholic.
Truly, thanks for all your comments!
I just feel - in my own
I just feel - in my own personal opinion - please don't talk offense - that this is incredibly innapropriate. I also don't feel that R rated movies are appropriate for a 10 and 12 year old...at all - that is why they say you have to be like 17...I think maybe you should put your foot down...and tell him to wrap a towel around his waist...this could all really screw those kids up.
I was not in a blended/step
:jawdrop:
I was not in a blended/step family and I NEVER saw my dad naked. Not appropriate! As far as movies and other entertainment, we try to limit it with both boys. SS10 can wantch PG13 movies and some older R moveis that we know are just gory, not tons of swearing or sex content, but it has to be with us. SS15 is allowed to watch R movies too, but only with us. Both have been instructed that if you don't want to talk about it with us, you are not watch it. Both have walked up to the TV and turned it off and said "This is not something I think I should be watching" because of that. There have also beeen times when we've turned it off and said the same. Of course, that turns into a conversation about it anyway, but they usually do not want to watch it if we are there. We dont' want our boys to be terrified of sexual content, but we want them to know what is appropriate, what God says about it, and what stuff is not right. SS10 has a little problem with modesty still (will walk around in just his underwear if we don't call him on it) and SS15 has always had a bit of an issue with the way he treats women. I think both of these come from before DH and I married because of some gfs and roommates that DH had and BM's hubby. I also think that everyone has stuff we could work on, so I'm glad we have an open relationship with the boys so we can all help them with these struggles.