What is wrong with men these days!?

you are living my fears. Thank you for sharing.

i would lose my mind. It's gotten so bad,

that I am gloves off. This 18 year old ahole that came to live with us(me his dad and my 2) in my house, when he was 16 and has been a pain in the ass since.

so he took us off the high school notifications. The school called me and told me what happened (he thinks he's smooth but I've lived here for years and always been involved).

he walked in and said he was "responsible for himself " and the school said at 18 he can block us from all communication and grades. luckily I saw an email he left up. Proving he did it. My fiancé refuses to read it.

so, I told the kid he better be prepared to explain. 
instead, he packs up, calls his dad, says I'm mean, and moves out.  Then demands access to his (our) phone! And my fiancé? He's "so worried about him"!? 
wth!?  My fiancé is so warped with guilt over leaving this kid with his ex, who "damaged him" he cannot see what a douche the kid is. How is enabling the kid to be a douche helping!? There is zero accountability. It's like he treats the kid as if he's disabled! 
I have spent so much time and money trying to help this ass for two years. Nada. Never a thank u. I even have to record our conversations because he'll lie about what I say. 
if he lets this kid back in, I'm out ASAP. 
if I were you, I'd be sabatoging their lives on the daily until they are miserable enough to leave.they are never growing up if they aren't made to.

the hell if I'd cook and clean. Girl, you need a girlfriend bad! I wish I were there to point out what losers they are for you!

my kids have to suffer this environment by having to listen to the constant fighting about grades, being responsible, food under the bed for godsake.

and his kid is so mean to mine- because they are A students with friends, and scholarships on their way to a life. This kids argument is "well at least I don't smoke weed" uh hem...maybe he should!! (But it's okay for him to drink.)
if he moves back I'm going to make his life miserable. 
oops! Did I accidentally bleach your clothes? Was that milk spoiled? Can't find your phone? There must be 1000 ways to make a kid miserable these days? 
with a 2.6 he's not going to college or getting a scholarship. He says he's joining the military but I bet he won't-they have rules and structure. He's opposed to all that. 

 I'm so glad I read your post!

There is absolutely no excuse for these over 30 yr olds to be living with their father.  Who wants a pair of giant cuckoos in the nest, who contribute absolutely nothing in any way, to the household?   And no, I would not break down in this situation - for me - it would be ultimatum time. 

A 30 & 31 year old need 2 more years to be independent? And the 31 year old is his ex-stepdaughter? You are far more kind than I would be. I’d be telling him either they go or I do. Whether that means leaving the relationship or just the living arrangement would be to be decided, but not a chance in hell would I be signing on for 2 more years if grown ass adults who didn’t help or contribute in any way living in my home. 

Are you cooking for these ‘children’ every day? Please stop if you are, they are more than capable of cooking for themselves. Cook for yourself or you & your DH and leave them to it. Don’t buy anymore groceries for them & only pay for 1/4 of the utilities etc if you’ve been paying more (or perhaps 2/5 if your DD will be coming & going from your home). 

You do not need to be a doormat for these people, that’s not your job. If your husband wants to run around after his kid/skid that’s fine, but you don’t need to involve yourself in their dysfunction. If you can get your own place & just date your husband until these sloths move out I’d consider that as soon as possible. 

I’d be telling him either they go or I do.

Absolutely, this ^^^^^

Just no way I would live like like this. Nope. Two more years? Absolutely not.

You have your answer. You are not his partner in life, his kids are. He will die old and alone one day when his kids have families of their own. Stop wasting your life on a man that could take you or leave you. 

No way would I stick around.  Either the other adults go or I go.  And in the interim don't act as the unpaid maid - no cooking, cleaning at a minimum.  In fact I'd be inclided to take the wifi modem to work with me and if I was feeling really ready for them to be gone all the fuses from the fuse box.

Dirty dishes in the sink mean you don't even go into the kitchen, except perhaps to make yourself a sandwich for dinner. You are not the maid, so don't allow yourself to be treated like one.

Why in the world would you agree to two more years of them living there? Two months maybe. Life is too short, and this situation has a terrible effect on your physical and mental health.

Having adult children live with me is one of my worst fears. I dont even want my own child living with me as an adult. Not because I don't love him, but because I would see that as a failure on my part as a parent. Plus, my personal experience with my parents and my youngest brother. They were hard on myself and older siblings and we all did well for ourselves. They babied my youngest brother who is now 42 and still living with them and will never leave.  He doesnt appreciate them and does nothing for them.  That is why i am committed to, when all the children are old enough and have graduated.  I'm selling the house and downsizing to a smaller one. Even if they want to come back, there will not be any place for them to stay.  I want to focus on saving money and planning my retirement.  I've done my time as a parent and want to enjoy my golden years. 

Well, it looks as if your DuH expects his kids to stay with him for life... What a prospect! 

You've said several times that you're afraid that if you insist on them moving out/doing chores/contributing to the home like normal human beings your relationship with your husband will suffer. How about your mental health? How much more can you stand being treated like a maid, a servant, a doormat? How long can you maintain any sort of respect for a man who is deliberately handicapping his own children? And, as you said, what about your retirement? If you don't do anything now, your retirement will be a continuation of what is happening now ... How do you fancy that?

I'd stronngly suggest you buy your own place and let your DuH visit. Let him deal with is own spawn and see how he likes handling it alone. You need a place for yourself, where you can relax and keep it the way you see fit. The hell with putting up with his probem kids just for the sake of making him happy. You deserve to be happy to so do what you need to.

Well, it looks as if your DuH expects his kids to stay with him for life... What a prospect! 

You've said several times that you're afraid that if you insist on them moving out/doing chores/contributing to the home like normal human beings your relationship with your husband will suffer. How about your mental health? How much more can you stand being treated like a maid, a servant, a doormat? How long can you maintain any sort of respect for a man who is deliberately handicapping his own children? And, as you said, what about your retirement? If you don't do anything now, your retirement will be a continuation of what is happening now ... How do you fancy that?

I'd stronngly suggest you buy your own place and let your DuH visit. Let him deal with is own spawn and see how he likes handling it alone. You need a place for yourself, where you can relax and keep it the way you see fit. The hell with putting up with his probem kids just for the sake of making him happy. You deserve to be happy to so do what you need to.