Nope, not selfish at all to not want to devote most of your free time to taking care of a baby. My mother is the same way about her own grandchildren when it comes to my dad spending a large amount of time taking care of them. She figures she did her time taking care of babies, and she has no problem telling him when she's had enough and wants time just for them and he makes the time for her. Now, when you are in a step situation it sucks,  because you are afraid your motives will be called into question because they aren't your blood relations. That's what makes it so hard. But no, you are not selfish and it's common to feel that way, whether yours or not. 

Well.... You're certainly entitled to feel however you feel. What you do with those feelings is another story. I'm not a grandparent. But my parents and in-laws are the epitome of doting grandparents. Their relationship with my daughter is just precious and she would really miss out on a lot if they weren't as involved as they are.
 

If anyone tried to intervene and tell them that they were spending too much time with her, that person would be written off very quickly. I know this with 100% confidence. It sounds like your partner is extremely excited to be a grandfather and he is likely going to be very involved. And you probably can't change that. So you have to choose if you can be happy with him in this chapter of his life? Or if you think you'll be miserable and in turn make everyone else miserable, then perhaps it would be best to end things.
 

But I would definitely try to wait and see how things are in reality. Right now you're just speculating, and truthfully it doesn't seem likely that he'll be spending a ton of time with an infant. Most men find infants boring, and you might find that by the time the child is old enough to spend any amount of time with your partner that you've grown fond of him or her. 

Out of curiosity how is your relationship with his daughter? 

I'm going to go on and say, cut your losses now. This is not going to end well (at least for you) and I think you already know it. 

I had the same thought as Petronella about you being in different stages of life. My youngest DS was born when I was 38, so, yes, you could be the baby's mother, while your bf is more "grandparent" material. Unfortunately, I think one of the things people fail to appreciate when dating someone with kids is that things can change unexpectedly at any time due to them, wreaking havoc in your life without you having any control over the situation. I'm guessing your impression when you first started dating him was that his daughter was grown, educated, financially independent and thus, wouldn't have much impact on your life with bf. It sounds like you've been making plans for the future without regard to her, but now, suddenly, she's pregnant and there's a potential for life with your bf as you know it (& as you'd planned for the future) to change. 

If I were you, I'd have a talk with your bf about his intentions, explaining your concern while keeping  in mind you could come off seeming like a heartless b*tch. Still, I think your concerns are valid. I'm 50 now and my oldest SS is 25 with 2 DDs. They live 3 hours away, and we only see them a few times a year. However, I was trying to be a "grandmother" figure to SGDs until I pulled away feeling used and unappreciated. Still, I would not want to have to babysit them all the time or provide money to them that would impact my and DH's ability to afford to travel, go to concerts, etc.,  both of which we hope to do again when the world opens back up. Lol. Hopefully, your bf will listen to your feelings and there can be some balance that works for you between his life as a grandfather and life as your bf.

EDITED TO ADD: I just saw your post above about how you've tried talking to him already . I'm sorry to say I think this is a no-win situation for you and it's time to cut your losses and move on. 

Sometimes it's not about age so much as it's about where you are in life. I'm guessing you are kid-free and this guy had an independent adult daughter when you started dating, so the the difference wasn't so obvious. But if he becomes a doting grandfather (which it sounds like he has every intention of being), you are going to be miserable... and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him wanting to be involved in the kid's life or you wanting to come first, but it will probably make you incompatible. 

It might be worth hanging around until the child is born to see what happens, but anyone who is worried about a kid being born on or around her birthday or posting that she already hates a child that is currently in the embyonic stage is probably looking for a guy with a whole lot less baggage with whom she can build a life, not someone who already built his life and she needs to fit in to it. Nothing wrong with that, by the way. I dated one guy with one kid and would NEVER do it again for exactly that reason. 

EDIT: OK, I would have never guessed based on your post that you have children at all; that is truly shocking. 

Your boyfriend has made it very clear. He is going to be one of those Grandparents.

Get ready for babysitting at a moments notice. Overnights at Grandpa's house so mom can have dates OR free time. The trips you use to take with him, may no longer just be the two of you.

GoodLuck

Well, it's all been said, but I'll chime in anyway - you guys are in different life stages. You are young and childless, he is ready to be a grandfather.

And your relationship won't work if you already resent a child that's not born yet.  Like or not, this child will be important to him and he won't like you being upset that he wants to see his grandkid.

I'd cut my losses and move on. Find a man closer to your age.  I know people defend these relationship with a big age gap, but life stages and incompatibility are real.

ETA: Sorry, I see that you do have kids. Interesting that you never really mentioned them.

I am sure there will be posters who disagree with me but IMHO there are 2 types of grandparents - those who dote on the grandchildren and want to be part of every aspect of their lives to the point of repeating their childbearing years and those who love the children but are finished with the kid portion of their lives and are content to be an occasional happy presence with the parents doing the child rearing.  There is not a lot of middle ground and each type can get very insulted if told that they are "wrong" in their approach.  If your SO is one of the former then you are either on board or you are out of the relationship.

My DH is one of the former but the grandskid lives across the country.  I just have to paste a smile on my face for the endless videos that he finds so enchanting while mentally making grocery lists or thinking about my latest work project.  Annoying but doable.  Oddly enough, when he has been able to visit them, something work related has prevented me from joining him.  What a shame.....

It is early yet and he is in the newly excited phase.  I would wait and see what shakes out for which "camp" he falls into.  Like other posters said, a lot is going to depend on the father's reaction to him hanging around.  Just don't move in or make any decisions until you know where things are going and how stable her relationship with the baby's father is going to be.

I don't necessarily think you are selfish, I can understand your concerns, but I also understand that he wants to be the doting grandfather.

Like others have said, you are in different phases of life and this is an important one for him. I have a feeling it's going to be, "get on board or get lost".

You have gotten used to a certain life with him and it's about to change, big time. I am not sure how you have never considered the age difference, and the fact that he has an adult daughter, coming into play.

I have told him my fears and how I feel, but he just sees me as being selfish and pissing on his parade 

This is part of the "different phases of life" that we are talking about. He is at the stage that he is over the moon about a grandchild, you don't get it, don't want it to happen. I get it, I wouldn't have wanted it at 38, either. But he also doesn't get your feelings about it. Different phases of life.

So, you have a choice to make. Be a part of it...or don't. If you choose "don't", it might be time to move on because it's going to be hard and cause you a lot of resentment.

I don't really care about age differences, but the circumstances and facts that come with those age differences become real, eventually. Sometimes, right away, sometimes further down the line. But, there is really no escaping it.

Your only 2 years in, really think about what you want your future to look like.

ETA: Remember, if you don't want to be a part of this phase of his life with him, he may not want any part of it when your life hits this stage. Is that the life you want?

I think this goes deeper than just age differences. I think you two also have fundamental differences in how you interact with your families.

You are "cool older sister" to your kids, where they are self-sufficient and it doesn't sound like you get too involved in their lives. Your BF, however, has been doting on his daughter for years, and continues to dote. I highly doubt, if you were to ask him, that he'd consider himself now or at any time in the past as a "cool older brother" to his daughter.

Those differences are also going to shape how you two "blend" families in the future, or whether you attempt to blend families at all. You two were talking about moving in together. Had you discussed his role as another adult in the house in regards to your kids? Have you discussed what kind of home you'd have after your kids leave the nest, and how frequently you want them to visit?

I get it. You're young and at a stage where you can enjoy life since your kids are older. But, you seemingly have viewed parenting and family very differently.

Even if the grandchild weren't coming into the picture, you two have a LOT that you need to discuss, including household rules once you live together (since you'll have minor kids in the house, you may have to change their lifestyle to make your BF feel at peace in his own home), the role of "family" in your household and lives (because if it weren't a grandchild now, it likely would be an issue at some point in the future), retirement, finances once you own mutual property (he's giving his daughter money, how does that impact your ability to maintain your dream house after you purchase it?), whether you want to get married, how your home and assets will be split between you mutual children should something happen (he is likely to die several years before you), etc.

There's a lot to sort through, and you have a few months to sort through it.