Why can't he stay with GF or get an apartment with a friend? Don't let him move back, he won't leave easily.

Offer that financial help, time limited, NOW, so he can get his own place, if that's the only way to keep him out.

We're had 3 of our 5 kids move back temporarily over the years at different times (SK are in their 50's).  Each time, i knew it would eventually be ok and it was.  But when SD wanted to move back due to 2nd divorce. drug issues, poverty, etc, i knew it wouldn't work out and it didn't.  After 10 months, i was desperate to get her out of my house.  We (I) devisef to plan to subsidize her living elsewhere.  At thst time, DH & I separated finances.  This arrangement has been golden for my physical and mental health.  I would say, go with your gut.  If you think it won't work out, it probably won't.  Get creative, you can figure out an alternative.  One plus of our arrangement is that SD is more respectful.  She knows if she screws up, the next step is living in her car.  Good luck!

Feral Forger SD21 moved out at 18 after high school graduation. She got a job a few towns over and didnt (still doesnt) have a drivers license (so of course no car from us), but she didnt exactly communicate at all. So 7 months after she "left", I cleared out her room.

A few times now she has asked to move back in. She currently lives with her Toxic Mother Toxic Troll. Its blissfull!!!

We do NOT subsidize. She isnt taking college classes even at a community college, is not working (not at all interesed in a job, heaven forbid she not be able to party every night) and its always drama.

So what happened when she asked to move back? DH told her she would need to talk to ME. And crickets after.

Sometimes he will give her $$$ here and there. We have separate finances so after all our expenses are covered, its his own mone to do with what he wants, thats the deal we came up with.

No subsidizing, because this will encourage mooching.

I read back thru your blog, Always Anxious.  Dont let thst boy move back, he's a train wreck.  You know it, your DH knows it.  I ended up in the hospital with heart symptoms that i think were caused by stress when SD lived here.  There are other ways to handle it.  I'd consider it a health issue for your DH.  You have a young son who needs a healthy dad. 

He can find a 2bedroom with another dude. OR stay with gf. If they broke UP,,,well he needs to find his own place.

If he was old enough to have adult sleep overs with his GF he is old enough to "adult".

JMO

... and someone rocking an avatar THAT cool cannot go backwards in time.

You are done Done DONE living with SS. Embrace it as truth. 

Great to hear from you again!!!!

It's been a long time.  I'm sorry the news isn't better, and sorry to hear about your SO's heart condition.  I think your plan sounds fine - whatever you do, don't let SS21 come back now that he's living elsewhere. 

In my world, both SDs (23 and 25) are currently living with NPD BM, but SD23 it's only temporary - she has a house share in London but she got furloughed. SD25 is suffering from educational course addiction and failure to launch!  She just does one course after another trying to avoid the necessity to adult.   There's a long story behind it all but I won't bore you now. DH and I are about to move (mid June) to a bigger house an hour's drive from here, out in the country.  I have said repeatedly to him that SD25 is NOT welcome for anything more than an overnight stay occasionally.  I endured 15 yrs of sh1t from her and no way is she moving in with us, over my dead body. 

If he can afford to go to the gym and party, why does he need financial help? And for a year and a half?

I don't get it.

When I moved out on my own, I found a cheap, older apartment, in a not so great part of town (but not so bad, either) and did it all by my wittle self. And, in some ways, I was pretty spoiled, growing up. I was NOT entitled, though.

I mean, he's a man, he's been living with his girlfriend, he has a full time job. Again, I don't get why you should subsidize him.

Why does he want to come back? Girlfriend making him help with the bills?

We had the adult boy move in with us after he graduated. He worked a total of three months that year, and paid the agreed upon token $200 rent exactly once. So, I gave my DH a metric shit ton of guff and DH finally started expecting the boy to adult. He didnt like that very much, so the boy moved to a house with four other young adult roommates like nature intended. He's been working the same job ever since and pays his own bills. It's amazing what they are capable of when their parents stop enabling the child and let the adult be born.

I don't mind helping our adult kids financially now and then, as long as they are working their asses off at a job/uni/both.

We did pay for cell phone and car insurance (family plan or discounts) for my bio and SS. Getting SS off the cell phone plan was a nightmare, and it took him a year to "get around" to car insurance. So don't even start with covering monthly expenses. Help financially if you must, but don't tie it to any of your own obligations.