BM sends SD approved menu before visits
My sd12 has not visited our house since last October a couple weeks after I gave birth to my DD. My daughter is nearly nine months old and SD is finally planning on accepting an invitation to visit. Of course this was all masterminded by my favorite sister-in-law who always tries to triangulate between my husband myself SD and BM. I guess that's more than a triangle! Anyway it looks like SD is finally going to get her Christmas presents. both my husband and I have texted her recently asking about when she was going to come visit but she does not answer us. Apparently she also did not answer her aunt she just instructed BM to do all the communication for her.
Sometimes I wonder how SD remains such a figure in our life when we see her in person so rarely.
SD is 12 and BM claims that she is not a picky eater however she is sent my husband and extensive list basically outlining the menu for this weekend. Apparently the only thing that she is willing to eat for breakfast is chocolate chip eggos. I usually I'm tasked with making breakfast for everybody when my in-laws visit (oh yes of course it since we're getting SD the entire in law clan has come to pay tribute).
My place of employment has given away drive-in movie tickets to the employees to try to boost our morale during lockdown. The ticket is good per vehicle and you can have as many people in the vehicle as can safely fit. All in all we will have seven adults and we don't have a vehicle big enough to fit everybody. I'm probably going to just give the ticket to my husband to take his family and I'm going to enjoy some time alone at home with the baby. it does kind of suck though that the tickets were intended for me from my work but whenever I'm going to try to enjoy them by getting some quiet solitude instead!
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She's only 12, why does she
She's only 12, why does she get to decide when to come over or not?
That sure is a million-dollar
That sure is a million-dollar question, I wish I knew.
Why does your husband allow
Why does your husband allow her or BM to call the shots? Do they have a CO? He should have filed for contempt for each and every missed visit.
AFTER this visit with her I would respond to BM and simply state that you are not a short order cook, in YOUR house the kids eat what they are served and you had no intentions on making things that weren't part of your normal menu cycle.
As for the drive in- Let them go! It sounds like you have a full house and honestly an evening alone with baby snuggles sounds like heaven!
Or, you could do Hidden
Or, you could do Hidden Option B: take the baby (or go by yourself, or leave baby with the in-laws and go with DH) and go to the movie without SD and the in-laws. Don't reward crappy behavior from SD and BM (and DH) with free movie tickets for the Holy First Born that YOU earned. If they want to take SD to a movie, then the 3 in-laws plus DH can shovel out the money.
Throw away menu.
Do not let BM gain control over you and your home. If DH wants to play BM games, then he in it 100% . He buys SD food he makes SD. Food. Cleans up. And find child care if he works. You are not the de facto babysitter!
You either have 100% control of your home or you are 100% disengage.
I am sorry to tell you SD already had control. She doing what she wants. Nine months with out a visit ? Your DH gave in to there games. This is not going to go well. You have nothing to gain, you are going to be blamed, for there disfuction. It's always the SM fault.
I hope you returned any expensive Christmas presents. She not going to used them or even care. BD put her in second place. There will be a meltdown ASAP when BD gets attention from DH. Make sure DH also take care of BD. Do not take BD and hind in your bed room. You can hide but not BD. Let SD know who in control.
BD is so cute she will
BD is so cute she will definitely take the spotlight, she's 9 months now and it's such a fun and charming age. I know my in-laws are constantly up SDs butt however no one can resist a cute little baby especially when the other choice is a bratty preteen. My only concern is that SD is going to be all over BD.
I honestly barely remember what we got her for Christmas I think I spent maybe $30 on a game for her.
Oh don't discount the "power"
Oh don't discount the "power" of a catered to bratty skid.
My guess is everyone will try to "force" interaction between your baby and sd. You wi be ready to rip out your hair.
ETA: Your husband doesn't expect you to follow the menu, does he?
Yep, they will all be so
Yep, they will all be so happy to see SD12 finally after her little fit of jealousy over having a sibling
SD will likely be all over your baby. Your baby will be SD's accessory...."look how good SD is with baby"....*bad*
Ugh yeah probably. My DD is
Ugh yeah probably. My DD is very friendly but I'm secretly hoping she protests her sister's attention.
^yep. My SD is by far the
^yep. My SD is by far the homeliest of ANY of the grandkids (actually all of the others are cute) and still gets catered to the most by the inlaws. Shes also the oldest.
Just no. If DH wants to
Just no. If DH wants to indulge that nonsense, he can, but no way I'd race out and buy Princess's favorite foods.
Has he filed anything in response to her lack of visits? I'm not a fan of the "file endless court petitions" approach, because in my experience it's expensive and doesn't work, but he should at least try it and find out if he has any kind of decent judge.
He decided it's not worth the
He decided it's not worth the money.
WOW - OSD has selective
WOW - OSD has selective eating disorder and BM didn't go to those lengths. A menu? I agree that it should be immediately discarded. If she is THAT picky she has to learn to feed HERSELF. Esp. at 12. I stopped catering to any kids picky eating (there's lots of reading material and studies on this out there), served things everyone would like and they could pick and choose among those food items. If they didn't want what was served - go make something for yourself, no one else will help you.
You cater to that menu and it's all downhill forevermore. If your DH wants to do it, then it's ALL on him.
Yeah, i echo the posters who
Yeah, i echo the posters who say DH should not allow BM or SD to call the shots. One thing i learned from my SO and his toxic brother's situations this past summer is that you need a CO, and you need to follow it. BMs who bully their exes like this can also flip and, when the precious angel has been solely "parented" by BM into an intolerable jerk that BM can't handle, BM will dump her at your doorstep.
BM has started to send this
BM has started to send this signal. Now that SD is hitting puberty and getting and attitude she wants DH to be involved. Well why did you PAS her out then BM??
She sounds like quite the
She sounds like quite the primadonna. Also, I would expect your DH's family to cater to your SD while she's around. They may even ignore your baby outright.
Let them go to the movie without you
I'm with the rest of the posters here who say, let them go. I would keep baby at home with me, get some chips and settle into watching a Movie on Netflix, by myself without SD and the freaking outlaws. Its going to be a stressful weekend, so take 3 hours to yourself without them.
I’d be tempted to burn the menu!!
Unless she has allergies, she sucks it up and eats what stepmum has cooked or her dad has cooked. If she doesn’t like it then she can make a sandwich
This does not bode well. A
This does not bode well. A menu ? .. where I grew up the menu was "This is what is for dinner, take it or leave it"
Skids pulled the old wouldn't eat what I cooked, so I resigned from cooking, let daddeeee do it all and then he started getting their picky nonsense and for a while catered to it, before he threw in the towel too. It used to be with dadddeeee they got a meal out as well as catered to meals at home, neither eating same thing and they ended up getting served what he cooked and no meals out.
Don't do the cooking - let daddeee do it, you aren't the unpaid maid.
Unless she is allergic to
Unless she is allergic to something, she'll eat what's there. Throw away that menu
Unless she is allergic to
Unless she is allergic to something, she'll eat what's there. Throw away that menu