He stood up to his wanty, entitled daughter
So pleased with SO right now. We went to a family gathering last night at my SILs house attended by MIL, SD20, SD15 and SS17, 2xSILs and partners. I left my DDs at home as I am not in the mood to blend right now. First of all everyone had to wait with dinner because the skids were late. SD20 "thought it was at a different time" - something SD15 confirmed was just a lie because she knew damn well what time we were all meant to gather. Just another selfish game she plays.
They all show up eventually and we ate and sat around the lounge room chatting in small groups and I heard SD20 say loudly across the room to SO that "University starts up again in 2 weeks and my classes are on Wednesdays and Thursdays so if it's ok can I stay over on Tuesday and Wendnesday nights?" I could see in my peripheral vision that SO looked over at me and hesitated.
We have had numerous fights about SDs behaviour when she's at our house and I have said that I do not want her to come and stay anymore - the house is too small and she causes friction and chaos with her manipulative and entitled behaviour. I pretended that I was engrossed in another conversation and ignored it - not sure how believable it was as I was located approx 3 meters away - but listened to SOs response. He um'ed and err'ed and said "yeah, sure, ummm, I don't know....." but wasn't affirmative at all, either way. I could tell it pained him to not be able to jump up and embrace her with open arms and scream "YES! YES! THANK YOU THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!!".
I then looked over and could tell she was annoyed and heard her say "I'll just ask *my name* then, I think she likes having me there more than you do dad". She also said something about how she likes to stay at our house. He said nothing and we haven't spoken about it since. I will certainly not bring it up but I am pleased in a small way that he stood his ground. Even if the non committal response was for my ears and benefit, and once they have little private conversations she will not doubt come and stay anyway, it still feels like progress in a small way...
3 months until our wedding.
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So far, so good
Im glad your SO didnt leap up and scream "YES, YES !!", too. Ok, let me ask you a question. When she asks you whether she can stay, what will you say? I know your intention is to say NO but you probably want to keep from hurting your SO's feelings. Maybe the other steppatents on the site will come up with wording. One idea woukd be, "I dont think thst will work out for us".
I don’t know! Help!
I realise I can't deny her staying in her dad's home when she is still studying however I resent that she is manipulative and false and brings chaos and agitation to my home. Help with how I frame it would be so so appreciated.
"once they have little
"once they have little private conversations she will not doubt come and stay anyway, it still feels like progress in a small way..."
what progress? She will still come and stay anyway? You have such little say in who stays at your house?
He says I have double standards
Because I have my DDs with us full time. We have lived in this house for over 10 years though and it definitely is their safe haven which I feel is invaded by this entitled adult. I just want to stomp my feet like a toddler and say to him that this house is too small for 3 adults!
Yours are minors, not adults
Yours are minors, not adults who can/should be out on their own.
I understand from reading
I understand from reading your first post, that your house is yours, and that it is not large. Personally, I would say no, that SD20 cannot stay there 2 nights a week. You have a right to say who can stay in your house, and she has been an adult for 2 yrs, she is not a minor child to whom your DH has an obligation. And also, if I were in your shoes I would not be getting married until I felt fully OK about not making myself uncomfortable, so that other people can be comfortable.
" Even if the non committal
" Even if the non committal response was for my ears and benefit, and once they have little private conversations she will not doubt come and stay anyway, it still feels like progress in a small way..."
Do you realize how low you are setting the bar?
I guess I don't see how he
I guess I don't see how he stood up to her. Take off the rose tinted glasses.
From your first blog:
He then decided that he should move in with me in my house where I have lived for over 10 years with DDs. We obviously discussed him moving in but I had major reservations and concerns which he refused to acknowledge
So he moved all his stuff in, filled my attic and garage, and turned my previously peaceful home into a complete circus
Why did HE decide he was moving in with you? Where was he living prior?
I think you need to get the peace back into your home, for your sake and your kids' sake. I think you know what I mean.
He didn't stand up to her. At
He didn't stand up to her. At all. Sure, he didn't jump up and down with joy and he remembered how you feel about it. But the result will be the same.
He's still not respecting your needs.
You do realize, don't you,
You do realize, don't you, that once you're married he's going to ride roughshod over any and all of your objections? Where is your spine, woman? Good grief, stand up for yourself and what you want! You hold all the cards! You can call the shots! Why are you giving your power to this ineffectual male?
These are you warning signs
These are your warning signs how your marriage will be. Decide if this is how you want to live.