So things have been very interesting to say the least the last couple of months. After SO told SD21 that it wasn’t a good time for her come and stay over for a few nights, she spat the dummy, forwarded the message he had sent her to her siblings and a week later they came over for dinner she was sulky and petulant. SO asked what was wrong and after much coaxing said she was in a bad way; she had to get an extension on an assignment due to anxiety, was heavily medicated on anxiety meds and the other day she “felt like driving into a tree”.

We had dinner and then I excused myself to go into the study to get some work done; I had an important meeting the next day I needed to prepare for as this was mid week. I left them to chat and catch up in the living room.

After about 45 minutes my SO came and got me. I have never seen him so flustered and he said that I had to come and help him as his kids were “smashing” him with accusations and questions. So I joined them in the lounge.

WELL! It wasn’t so much a discussion as a complete toddler tantrum. SD21 was crying and yelling that SO only cares about “THEM!!” and she pointed to the ceiling as my DDs were upstairs in their rooms. I tried to explain to her that this is my DDs home but she interrupted me and cried “WE don’t have a home!!” And then “It’s our turn Daaaad!!! The divorce was so hard on meeeee!! When is it our turn????" It was clear this was a whole lot broader than just the sleep over issue; this was about all their trauma from their parents divorce.

That went of for a while. Then SS18 went in to bat for SD21. He wanted to know why SD21 couldn’t come and stay whenever she wanted to when it would save her so much time and money doing so. I said it is because it disrupts the household. They couldn't understand because SD is so quiet and respectful (she is not).

It was chaos and mayhem. BUT we agreed on them just coming over for dinners from now on, no more sleep overs.

After they left SO gushed about how proud he was of them for speaking their truth. I couldn’t believe it and asked how he could possibly be proud of a 21 year old throwing a tantrum. After that I told him no ifs and buts; he is moving out if nothing else so he can help his anxiety ridden adult deal with her issues caused by the divorce.

We went looking at apartments for him to move into the following weekend. It was tragic; what he can afford to live in is miserable. We had a huge fight and then I had a weird calm come over me which I know means I have checked out; I no longer cared and I told him as much. I’m not sure what happened after that weekend, but somehow we swept it under the rug and it wasn’t talked about again.

The good news is that I haven’t seen SD21 since. It seems I got my wish. I have seen the other two, which I prefer anyway as they are lovely people and I have so much time for them.

SO sees SD21 outside our home now - they catch up for lunch and dinners and that suits me perfectly.

Unfortunately SO has turned into a sulky and depressed shadow of his former self. He doesn’t tell me when he has had the guilts put on him by SD21 but I can always tell from his depressed moods. It’s grating on me that she has that effect on him. His whole family has turned against me and gone silent. Who knows what lies SD is telling MIL and SILs, who are all enmeshed in a weird way that I won’t go into because it’s too bizarre. Unfortunately SO is under MIL's control - whatever she says goes, and MIL is not happy on SD21’s behalf. This has been going on for 2 months.

I actually prefer it this way to how it was and my DDs are a lot happier too not having to deal with SD’s attitude and abuse on a weekly basis.

…but where does it leave SO and my relationship in the long run? I'm worried it isn't sustainable and it is going to go from bad to worse. But when and how I do not know. I can just see this resulting in accusations that I am keeping him from seeing his children.