Long rambling vent. I didn't write well today, but I needed to get this out of my head.

Two biokids: 23 and 14. Two steps: 13 and 17. 13 lives here.

I've never been on a vacation. I'm 43 years old and I've never gone anywhere fun that was planned like other people do. I've been on trips for work, trips for funerals across the country, but nothing to relax. Time, money and family tragedies etc have always taken precedence. My own ex husband who I was lucky enough to maintain a close friendship with, died in 2018 in a tragic accident caused by a heart attack while driving a truck. I protect my children and support them with everything I have. I'm just looking for some peace, but can't seem to find it.

Our circumstances over the last almost 8 years have not allowed us to travel together. His younger daughter lives with us full time now. She went back and forth for 4 years, choosing Mom when it was convenient, then our house when she wasn't getting her way, then back again.  The Mom has had multiple CPS cases and many other children, so we've also had the joy of having to allow CPS in our home because, when the child is in both households, they have to. After three years of on and off situations with that, we finally do not have to deal with that anymore (knocks on wood while tippy toeing and waiting for biomom to mess up again).   If you've never had them in your home, you're lucky. Weekly visits get exhausting and when you're not the ones who've done anything wrong, you really start to feel the resentment creeping in. I'm grateful to no longer be living in a fishbowl. I'm honestly surprised we're still together.

His youngest as I've posted a long while ago about, has her Dad wrapped around her finger. She still to this day throws extreme fits and cries hysterically if she doesn't get what she wants. She has the latest electronics despite piss poor school performance. There are daily trips to Wal Mart and multiple trips for fast food during the week. She is served separate meals if she doesnt like what I make for dinner. The two of them spend more time together during the day than we get once a month. She is a stage 5 clinger and from 7am to 10pm, she is at his side or on a chair next to him if she's not talking to her friends on Skype or Facetime. She is an attention seeker and up until last year was faking injuries and illness to get her Dad to pay attn and take care of her. It got out of hand and it was brought up to her counselor many times.  She has gone so far as to call 911 to tell them we put her to bed early. If this gives you any idea of what's going on.

We have not been on any type of date since January. Despite COVID, we have opportunities to do other things, even going for drives, but somehow she finds a way to occupy his time or need something. If she spends the night somewhere, we have to plan accordingly that at any moment she will call or text and want to be picked up. Sometimes long after we are in bed, yet, he still runs to her. He has instilled in her that she is 100% always his priority no matter what, no boundaries, so, even when, over the years we've been able to head to dinner or run down to the casino for a quick date, she will inevitably text that she wants Daddy to come get her, or, text him the entire time we are gone so the focus is no longer on us as a couple, but her.  So, therein lies the issue. She won't leave us alone long enough to ever have any time to ourselves. Even when she goes to her Mom's. We have a lock on our bedroom door BECAUSE of her lack of boundaries and my son has to keep things that belong to him behind closed doors or hide then to keep her from stealing. Doesn't matter what it is, she will take it. I literally have no real forks or spoons because he lets her eat in her room and over the last two years, all of my silverware has disappeared. It turns up months later either under her bed, in her closet or, we find it in the trash. When my son gets something for himself like a snack item, he has to hide it from her because she has and will take things that don't belong to her. Her Dads response to this is "its just kids stuff". No. It's not. She's THIRTEEN. Teach her BOUNDARIES and honesty! How can a parent ever get a break when a teenage child is allowed to run them ragged? He exhausts himself sometimes to the point of getting SICK, by running her wherever she tells him to go. He hyper focuses on her happiness over ANYONE'S.

A few weeks ago his daughter (13) went to her Moms and their family drove to Montana for a stay at home vacation with a grandparent. She couldn't get along with her Mom or siblings long enough to make the whole trip and we got a call and multiple texts that they were coming home early and she needed to be picked up right away.... She's literally got control of everyone to be at her beck and call and to respond to her bad behavior by giving in!!

All of that said, she is the reason we have never been able to take a vacation.  None of his friends with kids her age will keep her for long enough for us to go, they say she's a handful (she is!),  the Mom is a known sabotager and would make certain to ruin/have the daughter participate in ruining it if we DID ever get to go somewhere and, even if we were able to go without her, we would have to go knowing that we may have to leave at any moment if she decided she wanted to come home. It's really lovely how she controls so much of what we do, isnt it? I need to figure out how the world can cater to ME this way! 

He also has a 17 year old adopted daughter. She is the biological sister of his youngest but, has a different Dad. He adopted the 17 yo when he was married to their Mom and she was little.  She has never lived with us full time. In fact, she didn't talk to her Dad for over a two year period and now that she's growing up a bit, has started to come over for short weekend visits every two or three months. That said, his oldest lives at her mothers *WITH a 19 yo boyfriend* and he's been living in her mothers home for two years. Trust me, I hear what you're thinking, I've been VERY clear with him that we will NOT be helping to raise any babies should that happen. I refuse. I can't.  I don't have the energy.  We will not be financially responsible for raising yet more children. Not happening. We never get a break as it is!! His oldest has asked multiple times if she can come over to our house WITH her bf to stay and we have been united on ONE thing, "NO". We've told her flat out, he will not be staying here with you just because he lives with you at your Moms and, that's not going to start happening until you're 21. We told my daughter the same thing and we stuck to it. When she was 21 she was allowed to have her other half here with her for the holidays. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some religious thing or any type of belief set at all. It is the one and only thing we actually agree on because we are still setting an example for the two early teens living with us right now. It is not appropriate!

To say I've been frustrated about my lack of being able to live life would be an understatement. I feel like we do nothing to feed or nurture our relationship, especially now during COVID. Everything revolves around what makes his daughter happy or unhappy, which then, we ALL suffer because she screams and cries and throws things or threatens to run away or kill herself (that'sher go to now and she uses it to get whatever she wants). It's a 24/7 nightmare some days.  If we aren't working, we are dealing with lots of drama from his youngest and at times, it goes on for days. She has run away multiple times, she's gotten into trouble and fights at school. I just don't like her and I've never been able to bond with her. Not in the almost 8 yrs of this relationship. The Disney dad/guilty dad/mini wife bs is always at the forefront and I just cannot see past it. Up until last year, she still wasnt flushing the toilet after she pooped and he would wait til she was done and go in and DO IT for her!! Toilets have been filled to the brim and yet, he would say "she doesn't remember and it's just kid stuff". NO ITS NOT!

Well. This year, I decided I'm sick of waiting around for life to start, so, I saved up all of my points from my credit card and I used them to rent a home on the coast for a week as a birthday present for myself. We, while obeying guidelines and mandates, will be able to relax and be somewhere else to destimulate and get away in nature for a little bit. Fresh Air!! We won't even need to go anywhere, can cook at the house and walk the beach, masking up when appropriate. While staying in our own state, I've finally found something we can do together. Atleast I hope so...

I'm really looking forward to this trip for myself especially and my son, but, I'm also very leery about upcoming drama because it's inevitable. 

We will be taking the kids that live here (my son 14, his youngest daughter 13) and my adult daughter will be driving down to see me for my birthday during that time as well. I paid for every single one of them. We were going to leave his youngest with her Mother, but we had to scrap that idea after her latest issue of wanting to come home when she was over there and also knowing she couldn't get along for long enough to have a decent vacation with her Moms family just a few weeks ago.

Here is the other factor: his oldest that lives at Moms and only comes around every three to four months (usually for money and shopping since he spoils her rotten too), well, I didn't invite her. I didn't see the need. She doesn't live here. This is MY birthday vacation that I paid for MYSELF and I want some PEACE and QUIET! His two girls do NOT get along for more than an hour or two and after that it is nothing but fighting and screaming and inevitably, ruining the day for everyone. So, it didn't even CROSS my mind to think of her and take her with when I booked MY rental. Not even for a second. 

The problem now is this: she got wind of this trip from her little sister that lives with us. Suddenly, I get told today that she's (oldest) "going to come over this weekend to hang out", and I know EXACTLY what this means. She hasnt been here in MONTHS.  I know she's coming here to start sh**. She will find a way to bring it up and ask why she wasn't asked to go. She's gonna have another thing coming if she thinks for one second that I am obligated to include her in MY birthday trip at all and not to mention, let me just throw this out there, her Mother LOVES making a mess of our lives and has proven this in the past by doing things like calling and lying to us and saying the kids have lice, asking the oldest to take photos and videos of our mail, our house etc. I don't trust her and when she's here, I lock my bedroom door even during the day. 

I don't feel that I need to give her any explanation at all other than, look, this was something I did for MYSELF as a birthday gift, it didn't even cross my mind to ask you because I DIDN'T WANT TO! Hell, I would even pay someone to take her sister for the week we are gone, but unfortunately she LIVES here and we have no choice but to take her with us since she can't behave!

So. I'm overthinking this but I've also had discussions with their Dad and said, I did NOT add her to the reservation. She does not live here, she hardly ever comes around so why should I? He agreed with me and didn't have anything else to say, but IVE HEARD him talking to his little princess downstairs and I am already going over in my head what he will say to his oldest in private on Friday when he goes to pick her up. I've caught him multiple times over the years "apologizing for my behavior" when he refuses to own up and grow a back bone about other things he won't stand his ground on. I would love to be a fly on that car window when he is explaining to her in private without me around, how bad he feels that I didn't invite her along. He better not! 

I'm over it already and I don't even know what might happen yet. I am a standard grade A overthinker and rambler, but I just needed to get this all out of my head and put it somewhere that others might understand. 

I'm not taking her. This is for my birthday and if he tries to guilt me into it, I may just scream.

Signed, 

The selfish B*ch of a step mom who just can't catch a break or the getaway she deserves.