The same goes for those without kids who move too fast. Usually they are controlling, abusive, narcissistic or have way too many problems. Healthy adults value their freedoms and individuality. Healthy adults have something to lose, realize this and act accordingly by being careful.
Years ago I went to a singles dance with friends. I danced with a guy who told me he was looking to meet someone and get married as his visa was ending soon. I told him that wasn't me and walked away at the end of the song.
lol. Usually when someone I met wanted to move in or get married quickly they were either a financial train wreck with no career prospects or they had a lot of other problems. But your case is another reason, perhaps a more reasonable one
Yet, we all know some women are looking for that. People have a way with meeting their own needs while making it look like something different. Maybe dad needs someone to babysit his kids and maybe the lady needs a place ot live rent free? Bing bang boom. They are IN LOVE...lol
I haven't met that guy, but BM is that woman (and I suppose her DH is that man, too).
Quick story: BM spent half of 2019 dating Dude A. DH goes to a school function in the fall and BM is engaged. I assumed it was to Dude A, which would still have been fast (like, 6 months). NOPE! She was engaged to Dude B, who became DH#3 the following month after a whopping 6ish weeks of dating.
A few years ago, she was "talking" marriage to her BF of a month WHILE STILL MARRIED AND LIVING WITH XH#2.
Ugh. At best, it means they're a person with poor boundaries. At worst, they're looking for a new nanny/wallet. Either way, it's a ginormous flashing DANGER sign. Healthy people don't conduct themselves that way, ESPECIALLY if they have children.
I have to say, my parents were married 6 months after they met, and had a happy, 61-year marriage before my father died. So it's not necessarily always a red flag - but it was a first marriage for both. Definitely wouldn't do it if kids were involved.
I'm assuming they were not married before nor did they have children before they decided to get married. What if it's their second, third marriage and there are kids involved from previous relationships?
I don't believe in the "waiting to meet my kids" philosophy. I introduced dates to DS same as I would a co-worker or new friend. I think it puts too much pressure on the meeting when you wait till "you are serious" & it sets up a serious problem if you wait till "you're in love" and then the kids and SO don't get along.
I've seen moving quickly go well and go horribly wrong. Although I would be very hesitant with children involved.
I think communication and being truthful about expectations is the biggest factor to a successful relationship - steps or no.
"Dates" are different than "boyfriends" though - Kids, this is Joe, we are going out to dinner tonight," is a far cry from Joe moving in and spending every day with your kids after dating for a month, and then disappearing after 6.
It takes at least 6 months to begin to get to know someone, unless it's someone you have known for a long time and had a friendship with before. Even then being in a relationship is always different and you see different sides of people you don't get to see when you're just friends.
I can honestly say I dated my exH for 4 years we never lived together and I truly never saw what kind of a person he was until after we were married and living together. That experience made me very cautious and more aware of looking for red flags.
I met my dh for the first time on a Sunday (no kids either of us). I invited him to my place for dinner on the Tuesday evening (first date). He never left. I was leaving his country to go back to mine 2.5 months later so I thought it was just a fling. But here we are, still together after all this time.
Different motivation entirely - I don't have an agenda ... I just want to help if I can and I avoid subjects where, clearly, I wouldn't have a clue. And I have learned a LOT here.
The same goes for those
The same goes for those without kids who move too fast. Usually they are controlling, abusive, narcissistic or have way too many problems. Healthy adults value their freedoms and individuality. Healthy adults have something to lose, realize this and act accordingly by being careful.
singles dance
Years ago I went to a singles dance with friends. I danced with a guy who told me he was looking to meet someone and get married as his visa was ending soon. I told him that wasn't me and walked away at the end of the song.
lol. Usually when someone I
lol. Usually when someone I met wanted to move in or get married quickly they were either a financial train wreck with no career prospects or they had a lot of other problems. But your case is another reason, perhaps a more reasonable one
Thank God no.
Thank God no.
Huge flags worth not ignoring.
Yet, we all know some women are looking for that. People have a way with meeting their own needs while making it look like something different. Maybe dad needs someone to babysit his kids and maybe the lady needs a place ot live rent free? Bing bang boom. They are IN LOVE...lol
What ever floats their boats.
I call this mutual using. The
I call this mutual using. The freeloader becomes the free nanny. It does not end well. Two toxic people will end up canabalizing one another.
LOL
He needs a new mommy for his brats.
I haven't met that guy, but
I haven't met that guy, but BM is that woman (and I suppose her DH is that man, too).
Quick story: BM spent half of 2019 dating Dude A. DH goes to a school function in the fall and BM is engaged. I assumed it was to Dude A, which would still have been fast (like, 6 months). NOPE! She was engaged to Dude B, who became DH#3 the following month after a whopping 6ish weeks of dating.
A few years ago, she was "talking" marriage to her BF of a month WHILE STILL MARRIED AND LIVING WITH XH#2.
So...yeah.
Losers
Losers. How sad for the kids.
Ugh. At best, it means they
Ugh. At best, it means they're a person with poor boundaries. At worst, they're looking for a new nanny/wallet. Either way, it's a ginormous flashing DANGER sign. Healthy people don't conduct themselves that way, ESPECIALLY if they have children.
Agreed
Agreed
Nope. This is suspect
Nope. This is suspect behavior, though not necessarily a problem.
I have to say, my parents
I have to say, my parents were married 6 months after they met, and had a happy, 61-year marriage before my father died. So it's not necessarily always a red flag - but it was a first marriage for both. Definitely wouldn't do it if kids were involved.
I'm assuming they were not
I'm assuming they were not married before nor did they have children before they decided to get married. What if it's their second, third marriage and there are kids involved from previous relationships?
Yes, that was what I said.
Yes, that was what I said.
I don't believe in the
I don't believe in the "waiting to meet my kids" philosophy. I introduced dates to DS same as I would a co-worker or new friend. I think it puts too much pressure on the meeting when you wait till "you are serious" & it sets up a serious problem if you wait till "you're in love" and then the kids and SO don't get along.
I've seen moving quickly go well and go horribly wrong. Although I would be very hesitant with children involved.
I think communication and being truthful about expectations is the biggest factor to a successful relationship - steps or no.
"Dates" are different than
"Dates" are different than "boyfriends" though - Kids, this is Joe, we are going out to dinner tonight," is a far cry from Joe moving in and spending every day with your kids after dating for a month, and then disappearing after 6.
It takes at least 6 months to
It takes at least 6 months to begin to get to know someone, unless it's someone you have known for a long time and had a friendship with before. Even then being in a relationship is always different and you see different sides of people you don't get to see when you're just friends.
I can honestly say I dated my exH for 4 years we never lived together and I truly never saw what kind of a person he was until after we were married and living together. That experience made me very cautious and more aware of looking for red flags.
OK, so here's the exception .
OK, so here's the exception ...
I met my dh for the first time on a Sunday (no kids either of us). I invited him to my place for dinner on the Tuesday evening (first date). He never left. I was leaving his country to go back to mine 2.5 months later so I thought it was just a fling. But here we are, still together after all this time.
The Sunday in question was 13th March ...1983.
Wait - you have no stepkids?
Wait - you have no stepkids?
No. I'm here as a sympathizer
No. I'm here as a sympathizer. *yes3*
Huh. You've covered it up
Huh. You've covered it up well, unlike other non-stepmothers from the past who shall not be mentioned.
Actually, I've already said
Actually, I've already said that I wasn't a step - several times. I wasn't hiding
Ah. I must have missed those.
Ah. I must have missed those. But so did you-know-who. She was here to stir the pot though.
Different motivation entirely
Different motivation entirely - I don't have an agenda ... I just want to help if I can and I avoid subjects where, clearly, I wouldn't have a clue. And I have learned a LOT here.