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Question as autistic SS nears 18

zombieblondie's picture

Submitted by zombieblondie on Mon, 02/08/2021 - 12:32pm

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Step Kids with Disabilities

Reaching out as this is new territory for us and I'm just curious what to expect.

SS has Cerebral Palsy, Autism, ADHD and other medical conditions, delayed learning/maturity as well.  He is graduating high school this year and turns 18 this fall.  BM reached out to my husband recently discussing her obtaining conservatorship through the court as he will not be able to function as a legal adult.  
It's understandable and I'm not bashing the decision.  I am not looking to see "what we'll be on the hook for" as child support is set and agreed upon in the courts.
 I'm just curious about what this means for his future, for his dads knowledge of what's going on (non custodial parent), and just overall what to expect.  BM is doing this at the request of her parents and isn't great at explaining things, and I feel this is big enough to do some digging before it's said and done.

thanks for your help!!

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Mon, 02/08/2021 - 1:38pm

Futuro knows whats up! I have been trying to navigate all of this stuff with my SS20 and she has been SUPER helpful. We did not go after his BM for support after he turned 18 but it is my understanding that we could have. She is a deadbeat and was only paying $60/month anyway so it wasn't like it was anything substantial. 

I would have your DH attend these meetings. When we were discussing doing that with my SS, DH and I were going to be joint guardians. Your DH may want to do that so that he isn't left out of important things and doesn't wind up on the hook for something he didn't know about until it is too late. 

zombieblondie's picture

Submitted by zombieblondie on Mon, 02/08/2021 - 2:58pm

Thanks.  I'm more curious about what conservatorship will mean for SS future, his father (my husband) having knowledge/input on large life decisions (SS being put in a home has been brought up), and just what conservatorship will look like in general.

money isn't a factor in these questions.  It's just curiosity.  As I mentioned she's doing this on the request of her parents and isn't great at giving details/explanations.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 02/09/2021 - 7:31am

It makes him a child in the eyes of the law. He can't get a bank account, open a credit card, get a loan, vote, get a driver's license. You can have exceptions for some of these (driving and voting) but it makes it so they can't make their own choices for medical, which, can be really important. It also keeps them from being preyed upon financially. 

zombieblondie's picture

Submitted by zombieblondie on Tue, 02/09/2021 - 10:37am

Thanks for the insight!!  I really appreciate both of you taking the time to respond.  

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 02/09/2021 - 9:37pm

IMHO it is better to have these types of adults made a ward of the State.  One of my childhood BFFs was Dx'd schizophrenic (like hears voices, can't handle crowds or disruption to his routing, etc...) and his parents eventually had him made a ward of the State so that they could protect their assets for his long term care beyond what the State would provide.   The State forces him to remain on his meds, his dad (his mom died a few years ago) provides for him and he lives with his dad...  until his dad runs into an issue that requires the State to force a resolution on my BFF's poor choices.

I had several employees who were wards of the State when I owned and operated restaurants.  They had lives and their families were participatory in their lives but... their families also were not buried in the sadness of their special needs adult children. Both the special needs adult children, the parents and any siblings had quality independent lives while remaining family.