Homophobic Stepchild, What do I do?
Hello,
I have a 14 year old stepdaughter that has repeatedly made homophobic comments and now she is posting homophobic things to her instagram story and I'm at a loss of what to do. I am a supporter of the LGBTQ community and work at a counseling facility as an office manager that sees clients who are are gay, trans, etc. I also live in a conservative southern state, so its more socially acceptable here to say homophobic things. I'm a super laid back person and I usually get along well with my stepdaughters but one thing I cannot tolerate is homophobia in our household. I have a young son (about to be 5 years old) and I don't want him picking up on this behavior and repeating things that she says. I don't understand where she gets this from because one of her mother's best friends is a gay man and my husband never says homophobic things and has a cousin who is gay who was at our wedding and is dearly loved by the family. The last straw was when she posted on her instagram story, since it is June (Pride Month) saying, "Flags are countries, not mental disorders." I am LIVID. I've talked to my husband and he says he's going to talk to her about it but I want it taken down and honestly, I feel like she should be grounded from social media for a while. I understand that everyone has their right to have different beliefs but I do feel like there is a difference between having a difference in opinion, and being hateful. Not only that, if this behavior persists and she tries to get a job or get into college, if they look at her social media, she could lose out on opportunities because employers/colleges are not going to want to be associated with a homophobic person. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with homophobia in the household, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!
Tell her to stop.
Tell her to stop.
I've talked to her on
I've talked to her on multiple occasions about how hateful these types of things can be, and I thought I had gotten through to her but apparently not.
Agree with Thumper
You don't need to wait for your DH on this one. Its your home and while SD is entitled to her opinion she should shut her trap while in your home and around your kid.
Argh
I have no advice really but this is mortifying and I'm sorry it's happening. You and your partner are obviously modeling tolerance and respect for both children. I don't think there's much you can do about her having toxic ideas but make sure she understands the difference between having an opinion and being hateful. Perhaps some education about hate crimes? So you're not trying to force her to think like you, which she'll reject, but informing her about the consequences hate and intolerance can have. Hopefully it's an immature phase that she grows out of soon.
Her friends (sounds like
Her friends (sounds like loser friends to me) will have more influence over her than you will, and at 14 probably DH too.
I live in the Conservative South, but am not FROM here. This kind of thing is maddening, with pockets of hope that make it tolerable. So I know what you're talking about.
Other than talking about your own support of the LGBTQ community and the work you do, I don't think you can do much other than tell her how offensive you found her post. I wish your DH would punish her, take her phone, make her remove hateful content, etc.
Report the IG post. They will
Report the IG post. They will take it down.
Sounds like she found your
Sounds like she found your button and is going to keep pressing it until you blow. Outwit the brat. You got any good friends that would help you with this? Put her on the spot in person with her posts ?
That is the thing though, she
That is the thing though, she really isn't a brat. She actually really sweet, especially to my son, her step brother. Her dad had a talk with her last night so we'll see if the behavior stops but like I told my husband if this continues I am buying a HUGE Pride flag and hanging it in front of our house just to show her where this household stands.
GENIUS!
GENIUS!
Homophobia in teens can be an
Homophobia in teens can be an indicator that they are gay. It was for my son. He was never mean, cruel, or disrespectful, he knew better, but he was decidedly uncomfortable around homosexuals and made it clear that he was not interested in socializing with them. My DW's BFF is a gay man. We would visit the home he shared with his husband and they would visit us fairly often as well. We went on several vacations with them.
Meanwhile 15ish years later and back at the ranch... my son is a gay man. Not flamboyant, that is not his style. He struggled with the realization that he is gay and had some emotional and anxiety issues that he struggled with as he navigated figuring it all out. Now that he is out and living his life as his true self he is obviously not uncomfortable around homosexual people.
Keep in mind that teens often act out in ways that are opposite of what they are feeling.
Our son was.
There is a lot of research and any number of publications on homophobia in young homosexuals.
Oh hell no! Hell.no. I would
Oh hell no! Hell.no. I would tell her that she is entitled to her opinion but if her opinion hurts others she needs to keep that out of your house because "in this house we are respectful of others differences" I hate that crap! We went through this with my oldest SS. He is not allowed to talk about politics anymore because he could not conduct himself in a calm and respectful manner so he lost that privilege. His mom of course said we were being intolerant to his beliefs. I was like "if your beliefs are to put others down, hurt people, make fun of people and hate people then you bet your ass I am intolerant of that and so should you"
I do not play around with that crap.