Another day, another scheme
My step daughter spent a few days at her moms house last week, taking part in as much of our summer vacation schedule as she can manage at this point given her overall estrangement with BM. During this time, toxic bm and her husband took her to see some family and a cousin we have never heard of out of nowhere apparently just offered to gift step daughter a used computer that was being used in his design business and is apparently brand name/very expensive brand new. It needs to be upgraded for gaming, so toxic bm encouraged step daughter to use all her birthday/allowance money and some money she’s earned pumping gas at a marina, to “upgrade” this computer....just over 600.00..all of which has come from my dh and I as well as my family. It's been pitched to SD as an "investment". Apparently the plan is for my step daughter to buy all this stuff, bring it over to BM’s house at the end of the month, and they will install it all for her. The computer is with the cousin until this happens. We are apparently supposed to be the ones to do the running around with her in the mean time for these purchases since we are with her more and the money is at our home. We were never contacted about this by bm and have no idea what this is all about. Calls to inquire are not being returned as per usual. Until this morning at drop off we had no idea a new computer was even on the table.
Step daughter is being told that she can bring this computer wherever she wants once it’s built, including our house, but we are extremely skeptical because we have been here before and it never works our that way. We may be jaded, but to us this sounds like a very clever scheme by bm/step dad to get a computer with all the bells and whistles in their home at step daughters expense under the guise of this being for her. They only have one desk top and the kids have said they have mentioned wanting another.
We are in a tough spot because this is her money, she can do what she wants with it, but we see this ending very badly and it's going to be an expensive lesson if we are right. We are delicately trying to steer this another way, but she’s excited that something good is coming out of being at her moms so we are treading lightly. We don’t want to dampen that or intervene if this is on the up and up, but at the same time our gut feeling is this is another train wreck that stumbled upon a tornado and ended up in a hurricane.
Ahhhhhhh the joys of blended.
Time SD learns a lesson
When it blows up. And SD is out $600+. Tell her to complain to BM.
expensive lesson on the way
Brand name, brand new, expensive computer needs $600 in upgrades. Computer is still at relative's house. Something sounds fishy to me, but I am not a gamer. How big a gamer is SD?
No way I'd be running around buying items for a computer I have never seen, with no idea if SD has the correct info about what to buy. Yes, it is SD's money and it is hers to spend, but I don't have to facilitate the spending. I would not go near this "opportunity". My gut feeling is this is going to be an expensive lesson for SD.
if you are going to give me a computer as a gift, it should be my choice how much to upgrade it.
Totally agree
I've already said I want no part in this, and so has DH. Step daughter is hurt we won't participate but that's just another part to this we will have to manange. We can't control the money being spent but I'm damn sure I'm not going to help. Just so hard to watch what I know is about to happen.
sadly it may be a lesson she
sadly it may be a lesson she needs to learn. remind her before she put her $$$ into it that she will have no $$ left for anything else, and she may not be allowed to bring it back with her. Make sure she knows it will be her decision to make. Then all you can do is watch.
Lessons learned
Id back off and let the lesson happen...
Us steppers tend to get our heads chopped off when we stick our necks out.
Its nice that you care, but be careful also.
I would not run her around to
I would not run her around to buy all this stuff without talking to the cousin first to get more information and find out the full plan. I wouldn't want to be involved at all if I thought it would turn out poorly.
Definitely does not pass the smell test.
Advise her to use caution. This sounds like a desk top to me. So... not particularly portable for use between homes.
I would advise her to use her money to buy a gaming laptop that she can use anywhere she is rather than upgrade an unknown difficult to move used "new" computer from mom's, uncle's, brother's, daughter's, husband's cousin.
I tell SO all the time one of
I tell SO all the time one of the biggest mistakes he made was covering up or protecting SDs from BMs selfishness.
Because if this they grew up thinking she was wonderful and amazing. Now that both SDs PASd out they will still end up learning that lesson still but it will be much more damaging. If SO had let nature take it's course SDs would have only had to deal with small disappointments at a time while still living with him and having some stability in thier life.
Different approach:
Different approach:
"SD, you should be VERY proud that you've saved up enough money for a gaming PC. However, it's going to be hard to travel back and forth with a desktop computer. Why don't we help you find a laptop that will be easier to transport and will be all yours? BM can still get the desktop from Cousin and upgrade it, so then you can play games with BM and your siblings even when you're away!"
If you can't convince SD that this is a bad idea, at least convince her to use her own money on herself and NOT for family expenses like a new souped-up computer that will never darken your doorstep. I'd honestly be willing to toss in the extra few hundred bucks for the laptop just so SD doesn't have to learn this expensive of a lesson. She'll learn it anyway when BM doesn't get the computer and gets angry at SD for not paying for them to have it upgraded. At least this way she's not out $600.
I agree. At least advise her
I agree. At least advise her on whats about to happen. If she follows through with it and gets burnt don't come back with I told you so because it's going to sting like hell the way it is anyway.
For $600 at her age I think I think she could purchase her own if that is what she wanted to do. Take her to the store and let her shop around. No sense in upgrading someone elses unknown when she could have a brand new one herself that also belongs to her and doesn't include intentions otherwise not benefitting her.
I'm positive the reactions she would get from not paying the expense would be great enough for her lesson to be learned on how shotty bm is.
600
600
Sounds very fishy.
Her own bm is ripping her off.