STBX Update
STBXH has received advice from a "bro" to get an attorney & file 1st so he can juice my retirement. But I could make all this go away if I'd just stay with him & try to work it out. We could buy a house together.
That b.s. had me going, "He just f*cking jumped the shark."
There was more, but it was in general interesting to see him rotate through the playbook while observing his casting himself as the victim. From mamy different angles.
It sucks so. Much. Energy.
No more enduring skid holidays in my future.
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I'm sorry to hear this. It
I'm sorry to hear this. It seemed that things were progressing amicably.
Have you consulted a divorce attorney?
I suspect that earlier this
I suspect that earlier this month when he was being so reasonable, he was in shock, temporarily - shocked into immobility, as it were. But evidently this phase has now passed in favour of going back into denial and trying to persuade you to think again.
Just a couple of questons -
Just a couple of questons - how long wee you married and wouldn't the retirement thing swing both ways (though I suppose he never put much into his fund because he was too busy buying his toys)?
I suggest you see an accountant/financial lawyer who can advise on how you can best protect yourself and your finances. File first if that helps because he's going talk about it a lot but probably won't do it immediately (thanks for the heads up, DuH). Change the locks if you haven't already done so. Then block his every access to you.
Pretty sure he is driving
Pretty sure he is driving around in his retirement.
LOL, Exactly
He sure is.
So if you spend more money
So if you spend more money and buy a house together all your problems will go away. That's as bad as the custom in some cultures where they forcibly marry the rape victim to their rapist to "right the wrong"
In my experience, the money
In my experience, the money stuff is cut and dry. You don't get more by filing first, it's all done by your state's algorithm for dividing assets. So, he's an idiot, and don't worry. Yes, he will get part of your retirement, but you will get some of his, too.
I figured the nice guy thing wouldn't last long.
I would argue the retirement
I would argue the retirement being split. Part of the reason for the demise of their marriage is his financial infidelity. He willfully did not save for retirement and spent his money frivolously (stupid sports car when he really couldn't afford it).
At least here, they just
At least here, they just divide assets per state law. You don't get to argue why they shouldn't get it.
100% This
The financial insanity... plus the anger, accusations, transactional justifications, future-faking, etc. I WFH & STBX works three 12-hour shifts/week. So it's literally been in my face alll thru COVID, and it wasn't a picnic before that. It's getting worse as he gets older.
He does not support my financial goals & eating disorder recovery program efforts (call me crazy but a lot of times he sabotaged my program) and provided financial insecurity & outright premeditated betrayal.
I am sad he is stuck in this pattern, but I don't want decades of the past three years. I'm getting sick from it.
He has less than $20k total
... and I don't want anything from him except my freedom.
If you do what I want....or
If you do what I want....or else. Not a surprise, sadly. Do everything you can and whatever you need to do to protect yourself, SU. Think of the MUCH better days ahead: no skids, no poopie head... {{{hugs}}}
It's behavior like this that
It's behavior like this that caused you to get to this point in the first place... If he wasn't show his a$$, again. Then maybe things would be different. I'm sorry you're having to deal with the bull!
Thank you PAI
Your escape from the insanity gave me strength & inspiration. I am glad you're still here.
I'm sorry divorce sucks!
I'm sorry divorce sucks! When my ex and I divorced I was very young. His lawyer thought he was on Law and Order or Ally McBeal because he demanded my financials going back 10 years...10 years prior I had been in junior high. I asked my laywer what I should put and he was all be honest, you were a pre-teen living at home with your parents. His lawyer doing all of this was just another way to intimidate and scare me because my ex was abusive and controlling and I had left him.
Oh, I would have had fun with
Oh, I would have had fun with this... Received $20.00 from Ms. Smith for babysitting - spent on bubble gum and snoe cones.
Threaten you and then try and
Threaten you and then try and buy you back... yep. You may have married my ex husband.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you differently but from my experience this will get much worse before it gets better.