Honestly, no. I'm doing my best to deal with it, but I don't enjoy any of it. I came into this with the most open mind, but if I knew what I was getting into, it would have been a hard pass. I really love my BF, but I sometimes feel that the price to pay to be with him is very expensive.

I used to really enjoy it.  I met SD just before she turned 2 so I guess I had some of the little kid bonding time in there.  SD was really cute for a few years and I really threw myself into the step parent role.  After 6 years of a HCBM and SD becoming more and more like her, I stopped enjoying it.

I'm not sure how many step parents you're going to find here who enjoy being a step parent.  Most of us are here because of HCBMs and husbands issues related to the skids.

No bios, but I've been through the wringer as a step. There are folks here in a similar situation who have successfully navigated parenting their bios while leaving the parenting (or lack) of the skids to their spouse/partner. 

I successfully parented 3 skids in my previous marriage (disastrous end to the marriage; still in contact with my former skids/grandskids). My current DH and I also had wildly different parenting styles. Add a high conflict BM who tried to PAS/step-PAS the kids - and was successful with the SDs for a time - and it was awful. My marriage was on the rocks when I found STalk and learned how to disengage. Disengagement forced my DH to take a hard look at his Disney Dad parenting style and didn't what he saw. Death of the Disney Dad had DH begin to actually parent. While the skids were initially resistant, they realized that - once the chores were done - they were still having fun. Once I stopped trying to parent and was simply ME, the skids discovered I was not the Evil SM, but someone whose company they actually enjoyed. 

After some very ugly years, I am very fortunate to have a success story. But you need a partner who is truly a partner and you work together. 

I honestly think a person who enjoys it is rare. My best days are just neutral. My affection for the kids (sometimes) has never become love, but honestly, I don't know that I always love being a parent in general. I think there was a parenting book called All Joy and No Fun, and that feels true. I feel a DEEP love for my bio and a joy at his personality that doesnt' change the fact he can be really hard sometimes. But my poorly parented step kids who freely tell me they don't love me and that I'm not family? Nope, can't say enjoy. I still try and do the job well but wish I'd picked a different career path, metaphorically speaking.

No way!  Did/do I care about SS?  Yes.  But I did not enjoy being a stepparent.  I didn't have it as bad as some, as I was given authority not just responsibility.  But he got on my nerves constantly.  I looked forward to the weekends when he would stay with BM.  I wasn't given a say in him living with us  and that probably contributed to my not enjoying the whole step parent thing.  That and he had behavioral problems, which included lying.  Things got better when he got older and my DD was born.  They went downhill after he got married.  His wife is a two faced lying gossip and she brought out the liar in him.  

I no longer consider myself a stepparent but I technically still am.  He and his wife are no longer a part of our lives and it is much more peaceful that way.  They'd probably lie about that too though.  

I was at the high school football game not this past weekend but the one before, to see my DD in the halftime show.  My DS and I were walking to find our seats and we heard "hey PetSpoiler and DS how are y'all". I didn't know who it was until I turned around and it was them.  SDil was the one talking.  I said " we're fine, come on DS" then we walked away.  Haven't seen or talked to them in about two years and out of the blue she tries to talk to me?  I don't get it.  I really don't get it.  I ignored SS so I don't know if he even looked in our direction.  

If they exist, you won't find them here. What i mean is, most people who end up posting here have at least one major step-related problem. Irresponsible, mentally ill, or extremely high-conflict BMs (or BDs.) Stepkids with extreme behavior problems. Alienation. Spouses who pawn off the work of parenting. Googling those issues is what got me here. 

It's definitely rare. I've been a teacher for over 10 years.... over 250 different families I have gotten to know personally. ONE set of divorced parents throughly enjoyed the whole "bonus/blended family" life. They had family game nights, movie nights, sports together, you name it. This included BOTH new spouses hanging out and spending time with all of the kids from prior marriages. 

I've only seen this ONCE. All other divorced families I knew had the typical high-conflict. I haven't kept up with that one family in MANY years, but I do wonder from time to time if they are still playing Brady Bunch or not....

I've been a SP for 14 years and (as another post said) if I had known what I was getting into I wouldn't have done it but it hasn't been all bad - I've just had opposite results with my two skids.

My skids were 10 months old and 2 when I took them on (50/50 custody) so I had plenty of time with them when they were little and I can tell you it isn't the magic bullet to ensure bonding. I spent the first 4-5 years not really liking either of my skids and barely surviving. Neither were easy kids and I just found them really, really hard work, exhausting and very unrewarding. I viewed them as a chore and dreaded the time with them so it's impossible to bond and enjoy time with them when feeling like that. 

As a result of counselling (and a very supportive DH) things got easier over time and those feelings of dread went away but I continued to see them as a chore - hard not to when they create additional work and suck up your free time. 

Fast forward to now (14 years later) and it's a mixed bag. I really love my SS15 and enjoy my time with him - so much so that I'm hoping he comes to live with us full-time in the next few years (which is likely given he clashes with BM a lot).  I feel the opposite about SD16. We have absolutely nothing in common and I find a lot of her personality traits abhorrent (ie no empathy, selfish, disrespectful, lying etc). As a result, I've never been able to bond with her and absolutely hate spending time with her. I am counting down the days to the end of next year when she finishes high school and (as far as I'm concerned) needs to go and live full-time with BM. 

The best piece of advice I got from counselling was that if you focus on the skids for your reward then you will always be unhappy - it's a mostly unrewarding job. The reward should be your partner, however that would only be the case if you have an equal and united partnership where your DH has your back and balances your needs with the skids. I have that and it's the only reason I'm still here today. Unforuntately most don't seem to have it and my advice to anyone who doesn't is to value themselves and know they deserve better (ie move on). 

Nope. Worst thing I've ever done. However, at first I did somewhat enjoy doing things with both SD and ODS together and thought it was great ODS had someone else his age to play with. Even though I found SD bratty from the getgo.

Those days are long gone. I'd prefer to never see SD again.

If there was a sane BM in our situation, I don't think I would have minded it so much.  SS liked me from the beginning, and before he got all "BM-ified", I liked him too. DH was the parent and didn't expect me to do anything in regard to SS. We had some fun together.  If BM had been able to play nice and share SS, I think we would have done okay.  She, and the way she just destroyed SS's relationship with us, was really my main problem.

I have loved it.  The SParenting part has been mostly great. Really no different than what I would expect parenting a BK would be though I have not personally spawned.

My DW and I met when former SS-29 was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.

What I have disliked immensely is the shallow and polluted end of my Skid's gene pool.  The SpermClan and their toxic manipulations of the Skid and the eternal attacks on my wife were our particular blended family challenge.  Particularly the SpermGrandHag who hated not having control over my bride and our son (my former SS-29 who asked me to adopt him when he was 22). 4 days after he asked for me to adopt him, the Judge signed the adoption order.  Which made what had nearly always been the case official. I am and always have been his dad.

If a fortuitous meteor had taken out a comprehensive SpermClan reunion, one my SS was not attending, our blended family life would have been just about without drama.

NOT! 

I will say that I have a wonderful stepmom. I wasn't the nicest to her in the beginning when I was ten. I was angry because my dad left us for her and her son. So, I was a brat, but she never once was mean and never once said a word against me. I now love her like a mother. We have a wonderful relationship and she loves my dad and treats him well. So for nearly forty years married I am glad we have a good relationship. I have no idea how she did it but there are a few angels out there.I sure wish I was one.

I used to find it sort of fun. My Skids were immature and needy, but overall, they were open to doing things together with me and DH and didn't cause too much drama. Then BM moved from just causing drama herself to using the kids as tools for drama. Combine that with DH's family, who are BM's flying monkeys and provide absolutely zero emotional support for DH (in fact, they cause more drama and trauma for us all) an it became miserable. I feel like being a stepparent is now something I endure and I'm waiting until they're adults. I know that the drama won't go away, but it will be easier for me to ignore because they will be adults. 

Now I have my own child and I would never and could never feel the same about my Skids...even if we hadn't had all the drama. 

I think one of the biggest problems with being a stepparent is often (not always, but often), stepparents go in with the best of intentions and think, "we can do this, it will be hard, but we can build a family unit"...and then, if you have a HCBM, you get hit with a barrage of BS that is neverending...and it gets old after a while, especially if you don't have a lot of support. Unfortunately, stepparents don't often have a lot of support and are expected to put their own feelings and needs aside because "the children" are so damaged by the divorce...a divorce the vast majority of stepparents play no role in. For whatever reason, stepparents make easy scapegoats for everything that goes wrong and feeling blamed and misunderstood also gets old, real fast. 

In response to whether I enjoy being a step parent, the short answer is 'NO'. Like some people here, I've no bios and will never have them. A decision I made in my early twenties and have never faltered from, so meeting my partner and her then 4.5yo son was, shall I say, an eye opener. 
 

I have enough affection for him but I cannot stand up and say truly that I love him. I care for him and I partake in the co-parenting as much as I have to, but usually just leave the bedtime routine to my partner unless she's out for some rare work function. I've taken him on a holiday (just us and a friend of mine without his mum) recently for 5 days 4 nights and he was good, but I wouldn't say it was exactly a relaxing holiday for me. I think in my case, SS (now almost 7) is lucky that I have no bios and that both our attention is solely on him. He's also selfish enough to not want another baby in the house as we've joked about it many times and I've told my partner privately that we will never have a baby here because he is so possessive that he will smother the baby to death when we are not looking. She agrees. 
 

I have taken to the role of a step quite naturally and I do a lot for SS, but enjoy it truly? No. Maybe my heart ain't big enough like some. 

I didn't enjoy it back in the days. But I felt so bad for this needy child with 2 effed up parents who neglected her. And I took on a lot of the resp and did had some satisfaction about it. But in the long run was wearing me down more and more.

I stopped doing things with the girl, I used to do all of it for her, cook clean, wash ,play homeworks.

My ex was a bad partner and well the rel ended many times before it actually ended for real.

I enjoyed it at one point however when the relationship became more serious his kids started trying to break us up. I will spare you the details but let's just say they started the usual lying, manipulating and being disrespectful. It was then I no longer found much about it enjoyable. I realized now that I am away from it I don't miss it. I don't miss the financial expense, the lack of affection, coming absolutely last pretty regularly in the decision making and everything else, the disrespectful behavior, the weird ex, lack of sleep, having to revolve my entire life and schedule around kids that were not mine and weren't very nice a lot of the time, etc. It was too much compromise with little reward. 

no,

same as the comment above,skid would purposely try to break us up.  he would have rathered his mum and dad fighting all the time and still be together instead of parents happily re-partnered.  I did my very best in being there for the skid but it always back fired.  I cant remember enjoying any moment over the years to be honest 

NO, NO, NO!  I'm 17 years in, it only gets worse.  The only blessing is they eventually move out but then you have a whole other set of issues when they become adults.

I'm only on the cusp of this and not really a step-parent. Only in the beginning stages of dating a guy with kids. I left my previous relationship entirely due to conflicts between my then boyfriend and his BM. Their child was a spoiled brat and the BM used their son to control daddy. That's how I came to find this site.

I am now dating a guy with five kids and an ex and the experience is like night and day because this man actually parents and has raised respectful, self-sufficient children. I assume BM is probably also a decent parent because they split the time 50/50. I haven't really gotten to bond with the kids yet except for his one son. We get together weekly for board game night, dad, son and I. We all get along lovely. I've only gotten little glimpses of the other kids personalities but they all seem like really great kids who I wouldn't mind being around. I have visited at the house a few times when they are all there and I actually kind of miss it when they go home.

Good parenting really makes all the difference. I expected to walk into a household in chaos with that many children but it's actually very relaxing. They all just do their own thing or interact quietly together. I was baffled and impressed. It was night and day from my previous relationship where BF had only one son who would run around on the furniture screaming at the top of his lungs, throwing toys and having tantrums if he didn't get his way. Two very different sets of parents equals very different children. I am glad I have gotten to see the contrast to know it doesn't have to be just one way and it really falls on the parents to actually be parents and raise good humans.

I am not a step parent, I am their dads wife. I gave up trying to blend or become a family. He parents his kids and I parent mine. End of story. His kids are too far gone with the BM manipulation to ever have any sort of relationship. One SD and one of my DDs are BFFs so to her I am her dads wife and her best friends mom...and the mom to her little sister. Lol 

I hate being expected to care for children when I don't even see my own children as much as I want to. Then when mine do come the SK's act jealous when I give mine the attention they DESERVE. It's a constant battle I really struggle with. I'm also not looking forward to when the little steps grow up (they're 4 now) because their mother is an awful twat who is teaching them to be twats like her. I am not looking forward to putting in all this work only to be hated in the future because that's what seems to happen from what I see. 

HOWEVER 

I am also the stepmom to my husbands oldest daughter SD8 and we are close and I love her. After we spent a lot of time together we are getting along. Her mother isn't around which has a lot to do with it I'm sure.

My other step children's mother (the twins mother not my SD8) is a neglectful junkie 1 of 2 things must happen for a harmonious family relationship - 1, she gets clean and takes care of them properly. She's on a methadone program so plz don't tell me to call CPS. They already work with her and it doesn't matter 1 bit. Or 2, she gives us full custody and disappears/dies. Those poor twins are so fucking confused. Imagine  coming from a home where mommy is passed out all day or locked in the bathroom and leaves out candy and snacks and TV and tablets. They fight eachother when conflict arises and fall asleep on the floor. The SD4 doesn't wipe herself when she goes to the bathroom and the boy puts PULLUPs ON HIMSELF. Then come to dads house and its rules and respect and no yelling no fighting baths teeth brushing and bedtimes. I had to buy toothbrushing devices made for special needs children because they fought me on brushing teeth so hard. I'm just so sad and pissed. Their mother is missing all her fucking teeth you'd think that she would want her twins to avoid her fate.

My husband had a rebound with the twin's mom after breaking up with SD8's mom (I get along with SD8's mom; she's actually a lovely person who has gotten her shit together and has 2 more babies now she takes amazing care of) and the twins mom lied to him about being on drugs and he found out right away but he'd already screwed her and she fell pregnant right away. She actually found out she was pregnant in JAIL for 5 months for a theft charge. He tried to support her recovery and give it a go but she's nothing but trash. Drugs cheating neglect. I wish we could take to twins full time. I don't ever wish to separate parent and child but she needs to realize her failures and let us take over until she can get on her feet. I honestly think she'll OD before then because she's 30 and has never taken responsibility for anything in her life and is a hardcore manipulator. Sadly her daughter SD4 is following mommy's footsteps. Can you imagine watching your mother lie to get what she wants then coming to daddy's where you get punished for lying? 

No, i hate being a step parent, i can't stand my sd, I've been in her life since she was 5, she's 16 now

I don't even consider myself a stepparent. If you read my posts, I mostly say DH's kids, or oldest / youngest kid. It's never been an enjoyable experience, considering within 3 months of being married, BM started her " suicide attempts" (think taking a bottle of Advil and calling 9-1-1) so she could get a nice break from life and I had to take on the care of her kids, all the while, she and her two oldest kids are doing all the PA crap and starting drama at every point possible. Three years in a row, thank you. I've had so much drama from these people, I've removed myself completely. Don't see them or speak to them. They are DHs kids. I am DHs wife. I never refer to myself as a stepmom or parent. 

No!!!!  I don't like it at all. I am a biomom too and I find a lot of joy in my kids and all my kids friends, nieces and nephews and friends kids. I love volunteering at the kids schools too. I find zero joy with stepkids because they are not nice people. I focus on my own life, my life with my kids, my life with my husband and nacho the crap out of stepkids. 

No, it's hands down one of the worst experiences I have been through, if not the worst. I thought it was interesting for about two weeks. Then I organised an outing. We went to see some live improv. Large SD said to Small SD "Look, she paid".

I think that pretty much did it for me. From then on I just knew. Should have ended it the next day, but there you go.

Ceased contact a year or 2 prior and only ss was 15.5 when we first met. Ss lived with hubby as he got sole custody of ss in divorce as exwife told judge she couldn't be bothered caring for 3 kids, apparently it was too much for her.

well about 14 months into our marriage our daughter was born and 16 months after that our son was born. 
 

been married to my husband 7 yrs now and together just over 8.5 yrs. sd's i met when they were 13 & 23 back in mid 2018 when my kids were 1 & 2.5.

they're failure to launch (the adults skids now ss23.5 & sd25) the sd's are miniwives who felt they dictated the parenting of my 2 kids and constantly answered me back. The disrespect and atrocious manipulative behaviour, eldest sd after 5.5 yrs no contact, the first day she messages daddy by phone she is lecturing him on his duty as a father to provide child support indefinitely.

oh and she also demanded hubby transfer a home he bought after the divorce with his money, into solely skids name because he owed batshit crazy exwife but she didn't want the property in her name or her husband would be entitled to claim it in the divorce.

i saw where this was headed and made it clear that then and there, hubby needed to ensure me and our 2 toddlers were protected against these selfish ars*holes because if hubby were no longer alove tomorrow, there was no way in hell i would be fighting 3 skids and a batshit crazy exwife claiming all kinds of rubbish to kick us to the street and disinherit us.

that confrontation wasn't nice but my husband was too ashamed how his kids are exact replicas of their mum and he doesn't trust them to have our kids interest at heart when they have benefited financially from hubby but are hell bent on disinheriting us. He told eldest sd that a large portion of his retirement savings went to buying a home in my country and told her that she was his daughter and needed to remember her place was below mine and to stop thinking she has authority over us

so my husband decided to buy a home in my country of birth and put it solely in my name so if anything happened to hubby, skids and exwife can't touch me. They're too stupid. Also his life insurance is willed to me

as beneficiary because hubby expected if he were to die, skids would be adults and should not be entitled to any of his life insurance when we have 2 kids who only just started kindergarten and pre primary.

i cut off wanting any relationship with skids since late 2018. Its been over 3 yrs no contact with them, my kids don't even recognise them as siblings. Even hubby's sisters are apalled at skids behaviour especially the sd's and told me how much of a shame it is how they turned out.

My skids do not add to my quality of life in any way so i do not see why me or my kids should torture ourselves with their presence.

I hate being a step mum, i love my boyfiemd , its the only thing i hate is being a step mum every other weekend friday to Sunday

Like hate hate hate. It was shitty, and thats me being positive.

Who the hell likes being a SM to a POS snotty SD who made it her mission to break us up.

Yes ex DH is to blame. BUT once you are an adult you are accountable for your own actions. Ex SD failed miserably.

I would never be a SM again, like ever. My health, my joy, my zest was taken from me, until I said no more.

I weep for the new SMs on here looking for ways to deal with the step shit. Life shouldnt be this difficult.

Blessings to those that tried and succeeded. More blessings to those that realized this is shit and decided to free yourself from toxic.

I do believe it is one of the most thankless jobs on the planet. That doesn't mean there are no good moments, there may even be times where you really do love them or get along well. But the vast majority of the time it does not carry the same emotional fulfillment as having your own child. There will be exceptions of course, perhaps ones that raised their step kids from infancy or don't have the other parent in the picture so they're not splitting time. But overall I would say it's more about loving your partner than loving being a step...

I am a Bio-less SM, and my SDs refer to me in conversation as their Dad's wife.  I refer to them as my husband's daughter(s). When I met them, they were 17 and 22, so I never had to parent them. YSD lived with my DH when we began dating.  A short time after I moved in, she went to live with BM for all of the typical SD conflict reasons. The day she left, I thought that our step troubles would be over.  Wrong!

For the record, there have been a few times where I have had some joy in their presence but for the most part, being married to a man with daughters has been the most horrendous, mentally taxing  and painful experience that I never could have imagined.  The idea that these two adult women could have such a negative impact on my life and sometimes my mental health for the last three decades leaves me completely gobsmacked.  I love my DH, love my in-laws but the love train stops there.

In a previous relationship I had three SDs and loved two of them.  The eldest girl was a stuck up entitled meangirl and no one in the family liked her, including SO.  We broke up because the SO was the turd in that scenario.

So, it happens.

I have been a SM for 17 years, it just gets worse the older they get.  I hated it back then and hate it even more now.  The only good thing now is they are finally out of my house and I do not have to see them.

Absolutely, freaking, not! If I knew that my DH was going to be a spineless jellyfish when it came to disciplining his two daughters, then I would've been gone a long time ago. I thought that it would get better as time went on but apparently not. They are both very self centered, self entitled, don't take responsibility for their actions, blames everybody else for their attitude, don't apologize for anything, and refer to me as just the woman their dad married. After complaining and complaining to DH about his kids and him getting mad at me for complaining about them, I am looking forward to the day when I never have to see the SDs and inlaws again. OSD doesn't talk to DH because he didn't go to a graduation party last year during the worst time of COVID and so he only has the YSD that still comes around but she's a self centered little bitch. It's very hard to be in this situation sometimes, especially when I don't have any bio children and have never had the connection with a child. But luckily the YSD moved with bio mom in August so she only comes once a month to see her dad. I just cringe when I hear that she's coming. So you see, I am looking forward to the day when I will not have to deal with these SDs and I don't have to see my in laws again. I will feel free and can go on with my life and do what I want to do and not answer to anybody. And I won't have any in laws that but into my relationship with my DH. If I could go back five years, I would've been gone then. I wouldn't have wasted time being unhappy.