Fine. He can live with his mom.
The saga with SS10, BM's different parenting philosophy, etc., continues.
People who've read my other entries know that BM spoils SS rotten. DH isn't always better in that he's bad with consequences when SS acts out of breaks rules. But, our house does have rules and expectations. Near as we can tell, BM does not. They eat out (or get takeout) most nights. DH and I are good cooks. We always think about what SS would like on weeks he's with us and do invite his input. When SS wants something, she buys it. With us, anything outside Christmas or birthday, beyond the occasional treat, SS has to buy for himself. Last month, SS broke his iPad in frustration over a game. BM bought him a brand-new, top-of-the-line one.
If there's a problem at school, she blows it off or blames the teacher.
She and her parents also baby him. Big time.
Big shock, her house is more fun.
Usually, custody is Sunday to Sunday. But, sometimes adjustments have to be made. For instance, we're having to shift so BM will have him on Thanksgiving week. So, they did it where he was with us a week and a half, then a week and a half with her, then back to normal. He was supposed to go to his mom's after school today (Thursday). This sort of thing has been done many times before, no problem. He was told what was happening.
Yesterday, DH picked SS up from school and he got in the car and said "why are you here? My mom was picking me up." No, that's tomorrow. "No. You're supposed to take me to my mom." "No. I told you that's tomorrow. Thursday." Cue crying, kicking the seat, and stomping around at home.
DH called me fed up with it all. He texted BM that he was having a fit and the two of them need to discuss some issues. BM ignored the discussion request and instead just said to drop him off if he wants.
DH took him and ranted to me later. He can just go live with BM full time if he hates it here so much. DH is sick of dealing with him and has gotten to the point he doesn't really want SS around. Thing is, we'll try to come up with fun things to do or eat abd SS responds with a sort of "so?" and shrug. It's frustrating. We don't try much anymore.
Anyway, I'm mostly staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself. Just let him rant. Can't say I'm surprised. I saw all this coming and don't expect a change. Though BM likely isn't going to agree to have him more than 50/50.
- Hastings's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Well - seems like he has to
Well - seems like he has to plan for his son being difficult and implement some rules and consequences, rather than dump him off on BM. I kind of don't blame BM for ignoring him when he told her SS was having a fit - what was she supposed to do about it? Time for your DH to up his parenting game rather than blaming BM for SS's behavior at your house.
I agree. A fit on DH's time
I agree. A fit on DH's time is his problem. But that wasn't exactly what he wanted to talk about. He wanted to arrange a time to discuss some ongoing issues he thought they might want to address together (like his growing tendency to ignore class assignments and to sneak around disobeying rules). Several years ago, SS went through a phase of not wanting to be with his mom. She freaked out and wanted endless talks about it. I think he was annoyed that she was blowing him off about what he sees as some real problems.
Oh I absolutely agree with
Oh I absolutely agree with you both. The "I'm giving him to his mom" thing has come up before and it's usually just blowing off steam.
Honestly, both DH and BM are avoiders. DH tries to wash his hands of things or just ignore proboens. BM throws gifts and money at problems. Meanwhile, SS is growing up to be a spoiled, entitled, self-centered person with no boundaries or respect for others.
Incredibly frustrating to deal with and watch. No, BM's treatment of SS doesn't help. But abandoning him isn't the answer either. I don't think either one would have a kid if they could go back. But he's here. They need to act like parents and not just count the months until he graduates high school.