Major depression
I am married 5 years. My husband has a 10 year old daughter and a 17 year old former step daughter. I have a 16 year old daughter. My husband does not work and sleeps all the time except when he has his 10 year old daughter. Then he is father of the year. He expects me to help pay for his daughter while she visits here. And he spoils her with my money and she demands I buy her things. He yells at me and talks down to me in front of his daughter and tells her how he is going to take her on all these vacations without me. I feel worthless and whenever I say something to him he just turns it around like I am jealous and hateful of his precious princess. When she is not here he just sleeps and rarely interacts with me and my daughter. I know if I ask him to leave he will start a hate campaign on BM whole side against me and I am not strong enough to handle it. He will tell BM horrible things about me and that I hate their daughter. None of which is true.
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Do you work?
Are you financially dependent on him? I'm guessing that might perhaps be the case. If so, can you work? If you work or can work, it Is time to think about how to make an exit plan. This relationship is not good for you and isn't good for your daughter to see, she might think it's ok to be disrespected.
Are you being treated for depression? That's important, too. Wishing you the best, I know it's all overwhelming to think about how to separate.
Why do you care what BM and
Why do you care what BM and her family think or believe?
Why does your husband not work?
I think you need to get out of this marriage, for your own mental health and for your daughter's sake.
I'm confused - why do you
I'm confused - why do you care if BM hates you for kicking him out? Can't you just ignore/block her and her family?
Why are you staying in this relationship?
Why are you staying in this relationship? Your SD is mean to you and your daughter. Your DH is mean to you and spends way too much time with his ex. Your DH does not work and you support him and apparently his daughter as well. What are you getting out of this situation besides problems?
Connect with the Situation
Recap: He is lounging in your house, with no job, sleeping all day, except when he is spending your money on his child. You are allowing this loser to treat you abusively emotionally and financially, and you are worried what the BM and her family will think of you if you wisely make steps to put a halt all of this foolishness. My guess, they will wonder what took you so long. He isn't treating you the way you deserve.
It would be helpful if we
It would be helpful if we knew more about your situation. When you post you never come back and answer questions.
There is nothing in this relationship for you and they are beating down your self worth. They are abusive. You need to get out. It sounds like you don't have a child with him so that should make things easier.
What we don't know is your living situation. Since it sounds like evicting them would be too much drama for you, I would advise you to leave him. It's hard to kick anyone out, especially during Winter, and especially if they have children.
So leave. Save yourself, and more importantly, save your child. It can't be worse than what you are living now. Let him figure out how to pay the mortgage/rent on his own. If the house goes into foreclosure, that's okay. You will recover.
My guess is he will go back to BM.
You can silence whatever noise they throw your way. Block BM entirely and put SO on mute. We can walk you through how to go Low Contact with him until the divorce if final.