I do care for my SD. I dont want to see her fail in life. But, I dont love her. I wouldn't even say I like her. Maybe I even dislike her. I have so many conflicting feelings about her really. We have moments that feel special and I feel like we could bond over, but they always turn into something ugly.

A major "bonding" we have recently shares was going through my makeup collection. I used to be a licensed cosmetologist so i have a massive collection and she showed intrest in it one day. I grew up as the oldest of four girls and never once did any of them show intrest in it. So I was very excited and more than willing to dive in and let her expore my collection. We swatched colors and picked colors for eachother and went full glam and did a "model show" for dad. It was a fun time. We got matching swim suits at the store earlier in the day and she wanted to give dad a fashion show of those as well. I let her change her clothes in the bathroom and i changed in my bedroom. My bathroom is where all my makeup and jewrey is. The next day we were out grocery shopping and she had asked my BF to put a bracelet on her, but when i looked over at it, it was a braclet that looked identical to the one my mom had gotten me in mexico 13 years ago. I quietly mentioned this to him and he flat out asked her where she got it. She said she found it at the park at BM house. But not to ask BM about it because BM did not see SD pick it up. I let it go until we got home so i could confirm. And it sure was my bracelet from my jewelry box thats tucked away in my closet behind all the clothes. So BD confronted her about it and she INSISTED it was her braclet and that I am the liar. She swore up down left and right. She was bawling for hours about it. Promising that it was hers that she found. She was so convincing that I was almost questioning myself. But it was mine. BD ended up "grounding" SD for lying and stealing bc after two days she finally came clean and said she stole it. SD made the "at least i go to moms today so i wont be grounded anymore" comment. So he ended up sending a message about ti situation to BM. She had messaged him back and said that since it was my bracelet that she stole and not anyone important's braclet, that it was fine and should be rewarded instead. And thats exactly what happened during BM week. It took about two weeks until she finally apoligized to me about it. And she told my BF the only reason she apologized was becasue she wanted me to color with her. 

I have the hardest time deciding if shes this manipulative little genius, or if she just really doesnt think it was wrong. I read about how kids around her age start to gain empathy and new emotions and such, but she has none. She got in trouble on my BF week becasue she threw food at her friend at lunch and when she found out she was gettung in trouble she blamed the friend. Saying she wouldn't be in trouble if the friend didnt make her mad. She has also punched this friend in the face at recess at school and again blamed the friend for making her mad. She has terrible anger issues and doesn't know how to express them. She wont take acountablity for anything. She will lie to everyones face, she's stolen from my family members, she doesn't place nice with any other kids, a good majority of the time she just isnt a nice kid. It just makes it so hard to enjoy her. My mom used to tell me to enjoy her at this age and think of her as a bonus kid and all this positive stuff, but now that shes spent more time with her the more she tells me the opposite. SD is only looking out for herself and only cares about herself. I am really hoping its an age thing and not a permanent thing.