Out-of-Pocket Medical Expenses
I haven't posted much on this site lately as not much has happened outside of the usual - BM doing nothing, GF raising SS, and us just being the child support ATM with 6 weeks of visitation. BM has started zero drama since March, but it is hard to start drama when DH responds to everything with "Thank you for the update."
I checked the mail this morning and found mail from BM. She was requesting reimbursement for out-of-pocket medical expenses. We have not received one of these in years because SS has very few medical needs and BM is required per the CO to pay $400 out of pocket herself before requesting reimbursement from DH. Well, according to the paperwork, BM is saying she met her $400 annual obligation due to SS' OT services for his "sensory-processing disorder." If you recall from my earlier posts, BM emailed DH right around the time I gave birth to DD in February, claiming that SS10 developed a full blown sensory processing disorder overnight. She then sought "OT services" to correct this issue. BM has been refusing to provide any actual proof of this diagnosis - no medical documentation, therapy progress notes, nothing. So in this mail, BM provided DH with print outs of the payment confirmation... As someone who works in healthcare (me), if SS was in OT for a legitimate reason, it would be billed through BM's insurance, and she would likely owe something out-of-pocket depending on her insurance plan. So instead of us getting an auto-generated payment confirmation like you would get at a nail salon or for some other elective service, shouldn't we be getting a medical bill of some sort. But again, BM is refusing to provide any documentation related to this "sensory-processing disorder" or his therapy and we know this place has open gym that you can pay to use, so more than likely, BM is just paying for open gym hours for SS and claiming it as "OT."
I am also frustrated because the day before pickup for last visitation, BM emailed DH that she took SS to urgent care for a pin-sized dot on his arm. We received the bill today and it wasn't urgent care at all, it was the emergency room. Our BM has a tendency to use the ER as her primary doctor. Why? Because she works for the hospital and says she gets an employee discount. What she fails to understand is that her normal doctor office copay is $20 and this ER visit was $400, and after insurance and her 50% employee discount, she still paid $130 for the same service, which means she is literally paying so much more money, even with her discount. DH has disputed her use of ER services for routine care and BM still continues to do it.
What irks me about all of this is that DH has no form of custody, which means no medical decision making, yet when BM makes all of these medical decisions and claims that SS has all of these issues (which he doesnt), we have to pay for it. BM can make the decision to use the ER for every little thing and we can dispute it, but ultimately she has sole decision-making and we have to pay the bill. Why can't it just be no medical decision making, no payment or just grant 50/50 for medical decision making.
Oh and DH had his tonsils out last Monday. He kept getting inflammation due to tonsil stones. BM emailed DH last week that SS has chronic croup (the kid is never sick) and has a consult with the ENT today. Today, BM texts DH that DH's tonsillectomy may be related to SS' issues and she wanted to know if a genetic condition is the reason DH needed his tonsils out... she is probably advocating for SS to have his tonsils removed. Can't wait to pay for that bill.
** I should also highlight that I'm not against paying our share of SS' medical expenses. I am against DH not having a say in SS' medical care and then getting slammed with bills because BM is a hypochondriac who seeks medical attention for every scratch, bug bite, and fictitious condition, all while refusing to provide documentation to back up the medical care.**
- CastleJJ's blog
- Log in to post comments
Comments
Lawer
Get a Lawer and go to court to get this settled. Or else, you will have a lifetime of this nonsense. Older the child gets the more they cost. There will be school activities ,cost. Field trips cost sports, cost, band, cost , cars ,cost
We have been to court on
We have been to court on numerous occasions. Going to court did nothing for us. BM has not sent a request for reimbursement in years and we do not pay for extracurriculars or extras as the judge ruled that was all covered in CS. SS is already 10, so we are more than halfway there.
In my state, BM had to
In my state, BM had to provide receipt's to the state proving payments and anything over the threshold to get anymore reimbursement from DH. She submitted it to the state, they check the records then make copies and send a big envelope DH. There is nothing wrong with asking for and expecting authentic receipts, not random requests for money, which this sounds like. Unless there is documentation, no money.
BM filled out the FOC request
BM filled out the FOC request for medical reimbursement and she provided the print outs of the statements from the online medical portals. The only thing we don't have is proof of the OT services, because she only provided a payment confirmation, but she isn't asking for reimbursement for that. She is saying because she paid all of that out-of-pocket, she has met her annual obligation per the CS agreement, so we are now responsible for our half of all medical expenses going forward. The issue is, based on the receipts, we cannot confirm she actually paid for a medical service at all.
UPDATE
Something didn't sit right with DH either. DH emailed BM asking for medical bills related to the OT services or an EOB from insurance regarding the OT services. DH told BM that a payment confirmation would not suffice to prove she has met her annual medical expense obligation since that facility offers more than medical care. It also offers an open to the public gym for recreational use.
I hate confronting BM. I know she will make an excuse about why she doesn't have it or she will refuse to provide it and then spiral, making it somehow our fault because we are legally obligated to cover the medical expenses she submit for. I just hate dealing with her. It gives me anxiety and now I will sit anxiously waiting for her to email DH back.
Can your DH contact the
Can your DH contact the facility himself and request a copy of the medical records and billing information? I know he doesn't have medical decision-making, but I assume he has the right to access information?
He has the right to access
He has the right to access medical information, but he couldn't ask about the bill since that falls under financial.
Does this mean DH has zero
Does this mean DH has zero access to medical billing with providers?
BM has sole custody of SS?
He should be able to call billing. Or has she blocked him from that too?
BM has sole custody of SS. BM
BM has sole custody of SS. BM and DH were teenagers when SS was born so sole custody defaulted to BM. DH has the right to access medical and academic records but not financial records, ie medical bills.
FINAL UPDATE
BM emailed DH back and attached a copy of medical bill. The OT services were legit, so BM did meet her annual out of pocket obligation, so DH will send the check for the other medical expenses. BM did make the shitty comment though that if the OT had recommended the open to the public "open gym" for SS outside of OT services, then BM could have forced DH to reimburse for that as a medical expense. DH just ignored her and let her know the check will be mailed.
No helpful advice, just want to say again that your BM is one of
No helpful advice, just want to say again that your BM is one of the worst on this site. I hate her on your behalf almost every time you post. Good for your DH for asking for some proof - too bad she actually had it.
Sometimes I just need a
Sometimes I just need a reminder that we aren't the crazy ones. When DH decided to email BM about the medical expenses, I told him to leave it alone because we were clearly the ones in the wrong. DH and I have been abused by BM so bad that we have anxiety every time we have to confront her, because she is so good at gaslighting and crazy making. I can't tell you how many times over the last 9 years I have questioned if we are the ones at fault even though everything contradicts that. She is a major narcissist and very good at abusing people. It sucks, but until she has no legal power over us, we can only set our boundaries and try to enforce them. Only 8 more years and she will have no more power over us.