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Sd 17 and texting happy birthday

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Thu, 09/01/2022 - 3:59pm

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It was my birthday recently and sd sent me a "happy birthday" text... which imo is odd, i swear she NEVER texts me happy birthday. But i send her a equally as half assed "thnx" in acknowledgment. 

Later that night DH asks if Sd17 called me to wish me happy birthday.... lol 

Sooooo, DH told sd to call me to wish me happy birthday... but she half assed his request and only sent me a text lol... don't get me wrong... i don't like to even think about sd in my special days... i want to FORGET that she exists... that would be my happy birthday wish....

Dd18 off away at college texts me daily, at  2am she sent me an "i love you i how you have a good birthday, I miss you a lot" nobody had to remind her, she was up and thought of me, dd19 first thing in the morning, she tells me happy birthday... i feel that at SOME POINT we stop reminding our children to think of other people... at SOME POINT they are old enough to want to wish the people they care about happy birthday, happy mothers day, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, etc... if they don't do it, then that person isn't important enough in that person's life... and it's time to get over it. 

I could HONESTLY give less than a $#!t if sd never wished me a happy birthday. I honestly wish she wouldn't. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 09/01/2022 - 4:10pm

For what it's worth.. your DH thought he was doing a nice thing by reminding her.. and she did the "obedient daughter" think and texted you.  Obv you and she both know the true relationship.. i hope you had a great day regardless!

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Fri, 09/02/2022 - 8:23am

Thanks. I agree, I think that DH was trying to do something nice, and sd was "obeying orders".  But i wish i could just enjoy my day. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Thu, 09/01/2022 - 4:40pm

Happy birthday!

This is kind of funny my DH will try to remind me that it is SD's birthday but it doesn't seem like he reminds her of mine or anyone else's.

It was quite annoying because I had already texted her happy birthday and he reminded me as if I had forgotten.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Thu, 09/01/2022 - 6:14pm

I get this type of thing, too.  I'm sure DH is behind it.  Whatever.  I say thanks and move on.  Actions tell me how people really feel.

 

ng, y

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Fri, 09/02/2022 - 8:16am

That's a good idea, i still want to hear from my own children in my birthday though... so i wouldn't be able to. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Fri, 09/02/2022 - 7:36am

Once a year I get a text from SD which says, "Happy Birthday!"  Otherwise I don't hear from her at all which is fine by me. I long ago changed my expectations of any substantive relationship with her and disengaged. She is in her 30s now and a mother and full-fledged adult, so is certainly old enough to establish her own relationships with people. 

The irony is the last time I saw her within the first 30 minutes she asked me point blank, "What do you want the gskids to call you?"  The gskids weren't even talking at that point. To me that was very telling of how her mind works - which is it's all about being superficial. 

Here is a person who she communicates with ONE time per year for a grand total of two words (Happy Birthday) and yet she thinks we need to establish what "grandparent" name her kids will use?  She's delusional.

My only advice to you is that you shouldn't compare your own children's actions with SD's. It's like trying to compare behaviors between birds and snakes.  Two different species with differing behaviors. 

 

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Fri, 09/02/2022 - 8:22am

The only reason i was comparing is to show that i KNOW the difference between someone genuinly wishing me a happy birthday and someone who was doing so because she was instructed to do so.

I just wish DH would quit trying to FORCE a mother/ daughter relationship between us. I know she doesn't think/ care about me, and i certainly don't think/ care a whole lot about her. I DO care about my husband and want him to be happy, but not at the expense of my sanity.

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Fri, 09/02/2022 - 9:03am

My exSO (big b) daughter texted me happy birthday AFTER I left SO. Typically, she would act like I did not even exist - even if I was in the same room and spoke to her (same for my BABY son; she would completely ignore him as he "wasn't family").

His kids were terrible to me and my son (an ours baby). 

I guess he asked her to (she never previously had my cell#), trying to "prove" his kids were magically overnight changed people. 

LOL. I didn't even respond.