They're just being selfish and stupid. 

"Don't you want your dad to be happy? "

So they just want their dad to die alone? Cool, cool. 

I would say give them some time, but these aren't children. They are adults. Take back about including them in your wedding and your and your FDH actually enjoy it without any input or expectations from them. Hell, I would even elope and make it an amazing honeymoon and just don't include them at all. 

Selfish. I agree with considering other options about the makeup of your wedding and their inclusion. Does not sound like it will be positive so I'd avoid it, personally. 

Typical. I'm sorry. My adult SD, who was engaged herself, cried. SHE was going to take care of Dadddeeeee in his old age. He didn't NEED to marry me. He couldn't POSSIBLY really love me. (And where is she now that he needs help? Hmmm?)

Ones an adult and the other is near adult. They should be planning their exit from daddy's house not planning to move in.

There isn't a right time to do this, you could have waited 10 years and they would still be pissed.

I'm sorry this has happened. However, I can't say I'm surprised.

Hadn't you lived with SO previously but moved back out because of his kids? And didn't he try to guilt you into being more involved with them, or gaslight you into being okay with their (particularly SD18) behavior? 

He has spent at least the last three years you all have been together coddling their feelings about him moving on. You've always been the person to pay the price so he could maintain a relationship with them AND you. There feelings about you (really, their dad's behavior) aren't any different than they were before. They just aren't getting their way like they're used to (and been raised to expect).

I highly doubt they dislike YOU. What they dislike is the position you hold. Hopefully your SO can put his foot down with them and stop making you the scapegoat.

I know you love this guy but if you want to marry him, he will need to step up. The mini wives need to get into the back seat.

Re-read your previous blogs and they are definitely not your friends.

Do not under any circumstances involve them in your wedding plans in any way. Go full on gray rock.

Congratulations...take your time and enjoy te process. Daddy cakes needs to have a heart to heart with his lil mini-wives.

My YSD was 2 months away from being 20 years old on our wedding day.  She cried through the entire ceremony, bringing all sorts of attention to herself.  She appeared to be inconsolable despite the efforts of some of the other family members.  Every photo that she is in, has her chubby, pouty face with marshmallow eyes looking woefully into the camera.   She didn't crack a smile...not even once. I've seen grieved family members cry less at a loved one's funeral. It was very distracting and upsetting to me.  This was supposed to be a Happy Day!  Thankfully OSD held it together quite well. She was 25 at the time and married.  She smiled for the camera, and mingled with the the other guests.

It would have been nice if OSD had taken the initiative to take YSD home when she realized that this was how she was going to behave, but she didn't.  DH perhaps should have suggested that too, but this was uncharted territory for us.  Who knew that someone would actually carry on that way during a wedding??  Now that I know what I know about Step-life, I would have had someone drive her home as I am sure that although in part, she was distraught over the marriage, she played it up even more as a way to garner sympathy from the other guests.  After all, on our wedding day, she got 50% of the attention and YSD was, is and always will be a master manipulator and attention seeker!  Experience is a good teacher.  

If I had had any indication that she would have behaved the way that she did on our wedding day, I would have made arrangements to un-invite her.  On the other hand, having to witness the ceremony should have given YSD a reality check.  Being there obviously made it real to them.   I think that may have been in the back of my mind when we decided to have a wedding rather than an elopement.  However, knowing that they (YSD in particular) were not thrilled about our upcoming nuptials was enough for us to decide that they would have no part in the actual wedding, other than to be guests.  I had one maid of honor (my very supportive sister) and my DH had one best man (his very supportive brother).  Neither one of them were crying uncontrollably during our ceremony, like YSD was as she sat in the audience watching.  If YSD had been doing that right next to me at the alter, I would have died!

I just looked this up and this is from Minted.com:

What's the most important duty of the maid of honor?

Arguably the most important maid of honor duty is to support the bride through the stressful and joyful parts of wedding planning. As a part event planner, bridesmaids peacekeeper, and financial manager, the maid of honor needs to be able to wear multiple hats and lend a helping hand when called upon.

I don't think that your two future SDs are qualified for the task!  They are CREATORS of stress.

Personally, I would rescind my offer to have them in the wedding party.  I would say that it is obvious that they are uncomfortable with the idea of their father's remarriage, so you don't want them to have to fictitiously show support by way of standing up for you two in the wedding party, but that they are still invited to attend the wedding.  They may find that to be insulting, but given the way that you've been treated by them so far, so what.  They may opt out of coming all together, and I don't think that would be such a bad thing in the long run.   No matter what you do here, you can't win, but the idea of looking at your wedding photos years from now, with them as your maids of honor, and seeing their tortured faces staring back at you, is not something that you are going to cherish.   At least if they are just guests, there is a limit to how many photos they will actually be in. 

She was 18 when DH told her we were moving together.  Her reaction was silence.

Fast forward to our wedding this year.  The ceremony was just us so no drama.  At the reception, Bratty was invited and came with Nutter GF.  She mostly sulked and did not bring a gift.  

So - agree with others on not including the drama queens in your plans.

Congrats on your engagement!

You may want to be clear about what happens after college, ie can they come back and live you both or not.

I recommend not haha.

Oh no. You need to start having some serious talks with your future DH RIGHT NOW about this and set some firm boundaries that HE also needs to agree to. Those SDs have Zero say over anything in your lives, the marriage, you moving in. NADA. If they are horrible to you then they don't get to particpate at ALL. They can sit with the audience and you can skip inviting them to your home in the future. My OSDthen12 was all for our wedding, until she didn't get a say in anything and complained about our reception. Then she wanted to participate in picture taking, but then realized it was work. She was then in a p*ssy mood the rest of the evening, which I fully ingnored.

I suggest you have someone to act as "security" so that if either of them steps out of line or behaves inappropriately, they can be wheeled out pronto. 

When I met my DH he was in the middle of a custody battle and divorce. After a year of being together he wanted us to live together, but I refused since everything wasn't finalized yet. Finally before our leases were up the next year, everything was finalized so we moved in together. I know DH wasn't happy about it because we spent about 6 nights a week together typically, but I didn't care even though I was basically wasting money renting a place to hardly be there, but I needed it in case anything changed or I needed my own space especially since he was still the primary parent of both kids at this time. 

Them not being happy after 5 years just shows how selfish they are. What did they think you were doing for all these years? 

So they have to be brides maids? Brides maids that are extremely unhappy about the wedding? Let them make decisions about decorations? I'm sure it will be beautiful.... Uh, ok. I don't think that's how that works - but whatever makes future DH happy, right?

No biggie tho, right, I mean, it's just your wedding.

No. F this. This is how your entire marrige/life will be. If things don't magically change when skid turns 18, things also don't magically change after a wedding. Things will always be the way they have been for the last 5 years (or worse) only you won't be able to leave to go home - because you will be home. And your finances will be tied together. 

Love is not enough!!! This relationship will always be unequal because he will always have the...but my kids and then also gkids. 

Idk, you are going to make your decisions...but I feel like if I didn't point that all out, I would be a crappy person. 

Best wishes for not wasting your life. 

Congratulations on the engagement!  

To be honest.. given the reception you got to the news.. I would be slow to move in at this point.. I might see if the girls come around to the idea.. and in fact.. their father should speak to them and try to understand what issues they are having concerns with.  I am not saying they get a say.. in his love life.. and he should be crystal clear about that.. but that he wants to know what their worries are and why they aren't happier for him having found someone to share his life with.. because after all.. they are on the cusp of spreading their own wings and having their own lives.. separate from his.. and it would seem to be selfish for them to expect him to live a life of solitude.

I might also consider slowing down more until the youngest is out of the house.. not because they are wanting it.. but because it will be easier to transition things at that time.. and less stress with them out of the home.. at least most of the time.