LOL it's a lot easier for their lives to stop when they are only without SS for a week at a time, here or there. Could you imagine if our lives "stopped" for the 46 weeks of the year he's not with us. My God! 

BM and DH met in high school. They actually went through K-12 together but never interacted until the summer after the Junior year. They started dating that summer. Shortly after they started dating, BM started engaging in risky behavior - self harm, running away from home, and suicidal ideation. This behavior occurred often but BM was only institutionalized twice. The psychologists all told BM's parents and DH that this behavior wasn't legitimate. They said that BM was attention seeking and manipulative and was only harming enough to gain attention but not actually to harm herself or put herself at risk. BM continued this behavior for a while and increased it when she realized it was no longer effective in gaining attention. She also started smoking cigarettes and drinking. It got to a point where DH couldn't even leave her alone to use the bathroom or park the car before BM would lock herself in her room, turn up loud music, and start harming herself. It was like a scene from a movie - very dramatic. At one point, BM asked DH to drive her to a woman's shelter to report her Dad for sexual abuse. DH drove her and after an hour of waiting in the car, BM came back out saying she couldn't go through with it. Years later in court, BM admitted to lying about the whole thing. Throughout this whole time, DH and BM were on and off again for a year or so, never dating more than a few months consecutively. Finally, after the behavior became uncontrollable and DH's mental health was struggling, he broke up with her just because he couldn't handle it anymore. They were freshman in college at this point. 

A few months later, DH ran into BM and BM's parents at a community event and they told DH that he and BM should rekindle things. They told DH that BM had really gotten better and was no longer engaging in risky behavior. BM told DH that she felt they were meant to be together since they had experienced so many challenges together and came out better. DH agreed but told BM that they were going to take it slow. DH didn't realize that BM's behavior hadn't changed, she had only changed tactics. She was no longer self harming, but instead, she wanted to get pregnant. This was around the time that Teen Mom became popular on MTV, so she thought it would make her popular and people would fall all over her. DH didn't know about her plans and didn't realize the signs, but now looking back, the signs were there. DH said they still used protection, but now looking back, it was clear that BM stopped taking her birth control and had tampered with other methods. This relationship went on for about a year. All the sudden, out of nowhere, BM texted DH to break up with him. When he tried to respond, it was clear he was blocked. BM erased him from everything - social media, blocked on email, blocked on text, etc. It was like she fell of the face of the earth. Two weeks later, BM unblocked him and told DH that she was pregnant. She said that she wasn't sure what she was going to do with the baby but that she did not want to get back together with DH. 

This led to an extremely manipulative and toxic relationship between BM and DH. BM would beg him to be involved in the pregnancy, but then when he tried, she would blow up on him and block him. DH asked BM to attend an ultrasound, she sent him the appointment date and address, but when DH got there, BM wasn't even a patient there. She had just sent him on a wild goose chase. When he called her out on it, BM told DH that she wasn't comfortable with DH being involved in her medical care. DH and BM agreed to put SS up for adoption, since they were only 19. BM found a family and told DH it was all set. She refused to allow him to be involved in the process. Well, two weeks before SS' birth, BM backed out and said she would adopt SS out at a later time. When you ask BM now, she claims there were 3 families lined up and they all declined due to various reasons so she was left with SS. It's highly unlikely that three families magically drop out after waiting for adoption.

After SS was born, BM invited DH to the hospital. She wanted DH to sign the birth certificate. DH refused, informing BM that due to her years of risky and manipulative behavior, he could not confirm that this was his baby with 100% certainty, so that he would sign once paternity was established. So DH petitioned the courts for paternity and partial custody. The courts confirmed paternity and established CS, but never ordered a temporary order for visitation, leaving that up to BM's discretion. So BM denied DH all contact to SS while court ensued for two years. When the judge came to finalize an order at the end of the trial, BM reminded the judge that DH had no contact with SS, trying to claim it was his choice. The judge sided with BM and gave DH limited visitation (only a few hours a week) and this has led to the crappy custody arrangement we have now. 

It is evident that BM is extremely manipulative and narcissistic. Everything is calculated and she lacks all empathy. Everything revolves around her. BM has told DH in the last few years that she had it all planned out. She needed SS so she could experience unconditional love. She told DH that she was in an extremely rough place in her teenage and young adult years and she needed SS to make her better. She believes that SS is HER child and HER child alone. She refuses to recognize DH as a contributing factor or as SS' Dad. She prefers to believe that SS is only made up of her DNA and that DH is irrelevant in any of it. When DH tried to provide his family medical history, since it could be important for SS, BM rebutted that it was irrelevant. SS has told us, when talking about family lineage, that he is only made up of BM, not DH. 

Lol even if you did an intervention, they would never change. They would believe they are still right. It would almost become a "poor single Mom" support group where HCBMs could complain about lack of CS, lack of DH involvement, etc.