Is it normal to feel this way?
Myself and my fiancé lived in to separate towns before we lived together so he knows his area more than I do and I know my town better etc.
however, when the step kids come and stay, I find myself feeling a sort of way when they are talking to their dad about their home town, certain people from it etc.
we have only been together 4 years but when the kids come and stay - they make me feel like I don't know my fiancé at all. They tell me stories about what he did in his past with their mum.. and he sometimes joins in. For example he got arrested for being drunk. Then she tried to get to him so she got arrested and put in a car... she somehow managed to get herself out that car to him bla bla bla.
I found myself kinda annoyed/ angry/ frustrated. I even told him in private don't ever think il ever get arrested just to be with you like she did. His response was yeah I know you wouldn't.
im feeling like the man I thought I knew isn't him after all and I don't know who he is anymore.....
Time tell him that you don't
Time tell him that you don't want to hear about the woman he used to screw - would he like it if you went on and on about your exes? It's also up to him to shut his kids up when they start on the subject. He shouldn't be joining in on the storytelling. Doesn't he understand how RUDE that is?
I used to have to deal with that cripe
I did not like that at all.
How many times are we going to have to talk about that time you went to the snow with mom and dad and dad threw a snowball at moms butt?
I started changing the subject. "what are we doing for dinner?" Or I would bring my parents into it "oh my mom and dad would take us to the snow and blah blah blah".
Kids when they are young "want to share". Dad feeding into the walks down memory lane with his childen about the EX.
Put a stop to it and talk with your partner. Talk with a big sledgehammer because he obviously is completely oblivious.
Really? smh. Your DH and BM are telling their children
stories of their drunken idiot escapades and it is presented and accepted as being cool.
You need to find a different fiance.
I have similar stories
But my Skids are technically legal adults now who should know better. DH shut SD22 down a few times when she pushed the boundaries with tiktok videos she made with old photos of BM and DH...she would post them in our family group chat.
Definitely make yourself clear on your need for him to shut it down when this starts. If he refuses, reconsider the relationship and never settle for 2nd place. Or even a tie for 1st.
They do this on purpose. To
They do this on purpose. To make you feel like the interloper. Does SO know how you feel ? Does SO like discussing his past life and remembering his ex? You could always join in and ask questions for embarrassing stories of SO. Nobody is perfect and I'm sure BM must have given the skids something special to share.
Men tend to think if you are sitting there, that's good enough and they don't need to work hard at helping you fit in. You're sitting there! All is good. But it's not and you can either leave them to it or join in and change the subject/conversation. You know what you can handle in the moment.
I leave the room.
These stories seem to require you being present to continue. Eventually they get the point. I always refer to these times "family reunion story time" as in DH will mention something that happened during the visit and I'll say "oh I didn't hear/see that because it was family reunion story time" It rarely happens any more. Partly because I'm so disengaged from them all I rarely see or interact with them any more.