No Reschedule
The other day I was talking with DH about plans for some friends who are coming over for a day, and maybe a night, in early July (decided about 2 weeks ago now). We've been trying to get together since May and amazingly found a weekend that works. DH said something about YSD17 NOT coming over the weekend before this one and I said I'm not cancelling this for her whim.
Next day DH asks me if we could do a different weekend with our friends because YSD17 is for certain coming the same weekend. Note she's not been here for over a month. Because only her schedule matters.
I told DH absolutely not. We are not changing on our friends since it's taken so long to find a date. And I'm not stopping my life just because YSD wants to be here. It's her decision to not come or come and she will have to deal with it. It's our life. She'll just stay in her room anyway. DH then admitted I was right and he felt the same way. I reminded him she has the choice to interact with friends or not, she's known them since DH and I have been together.
He's also trying to find something to do with her this summer. She refuses to fly anywhere because she's already going on a trip with BM. She doesn't like restaurants (her words) or hotels. Or people. I recommended he just take her to the mountains for a night. Get her out of her zone. She's going to have a very hard time as a college student in a year if she's like this. It may be a summer with her in her room.
- Cover1W's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Rescheduling
I have a little schedule I follow, it's not in concrete but it works. I go see my mom100 every Monday and Friday at 1:00. In between, I'm balancing our appts, (DH is 85), my twice-weekly physical therapy and the normal shopping, laundry and house,-keeping.
My SD61 doesn't work, has no one living with her and only her own needs to take care of. Invariably, when she tells us she'll be here, she calls that day and reschedules. On the rescheduled day, she cancels again, lather, rinse, repeat. DH often says, "SD61 will be here Friday, is that ok?". When I remind him of my Mom visit, he always looks disappointed that I won't reschedule.
Sorry, DH, I'm not planning my schedule around this undependable person. I have a life to live here.
Good for you! I made it very
Good for you! I made it very clear to DH that once SD turned 17 that my plans would not revolve around her being here. I have had people over on "her wekeends" and she either finds something to do somewhere else or hangs out in her room. Hell my bio parents had parties when I was living with them. I just dont understand why divorced men think we are so evil and wrong for wanting to just be the adults and have our plans trump skids visits!
I'm confused as to why you
I'm confused as to why you are waiting? Make plans. Make it HER problem.
no hi-jack switcheroo
Good for you standing firm.
Sd17powersulk BS. Well I definitely do NOTHING to revolve ANY plans around that little abuser.
Your SD17 - well you will get to point of hmm, aha, oh, yeah, no....
I am so glad you did not switch
your plans around for SD, there is no reason your friends can't come if she is there or not. SD is old enough to entertain herself and doesn't need to be watched or require any extra attention. She comes, she comes, she doesn't, doesn't change a thing for you! Especially when it is difficult to make plans and have been trying for so long to do so!
WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY
Would you be taking SD anywhere !??? Someone who was going to call CPS on me will never go anyplace with me. I would not want to be in the same area code with her
I think you've got me mixed
I think you've got me mixed up with Clove!
BTW: I'm not going anywhere with DH and YSD in any case. I fully doubt he'll end up doing anything with her either.
Ha Ha! I actually get your
Ha Ha! I actually get your two names mixed up and can't remember who post what all the time!
HAHA
yeah. Well we DO have similar screen names. Maybe it would be easier if I got a new name...
Stepmare on elm street
The recorded stepwonder
Disengagement Queen
Oh Bummer Wow Uh hu
Yours should be...
Yours should be FreedomC-Love after you get rid of those parasites.
Glad I'm not
... the only one!
Great job not catering to the Skid.
Catering to kids should be a near never thing IMHO.
Kids do what they are told when they are told and if they refuse, the get to experience consequences for their crap behavior, then do what they are told anyway.
Our mates need this message too. No means no. The kid engages, or not. Their choice, but they still do what they are told. Regardless of what they want.
Adults do not change plans for kids. Except in the event of an actual critical sitaution. A kid who refused to visit then decides to visit expecting the receiving home/family to cater... nope. Not happening.
IMHO of course.
I really don't understand
I really don't understand this menatality.. why (at first) he wanted to pick one of the other... SD or your friends. The girl is 17 years old...what's the big deal. She can't mingle with your guys friends?? Come on.
I think a lot of (mainly these dads) make most of the awkward dynamics with in step life. Obviously there are tons of other factors but something so simple like friends coming to visit made you guys get in to a "fight."
What the f do they think intact marriages do...hide in a bubble until their kids move out...