Yep. He's an AH. He has himself built up in his own mind how he is such a hero. He is doing this for his daughter, etc. He is doing this because HE has such fond memories of HIS divorced parents spending time together.

My take is that his own parents screwed him up by playing happy families. Now he has 2 BMs, one of whom is an unfit mother, and by propping her up despite his current partner's protests, he's putting both of his kids at risk of being from broken, dysfunctional homes. This BS is generational. His own parents never taught him boundaries and he's passing on the tradition. 

AH.

Yes the AH.

If BM is seeing BD 1-2 nights PER WEEK, why is he spending 2.5 hours EVERY Saturday "facilitating" a relationship? His daughter has a relationship with her mom, likely at the level that BM can handle with her mental health issues AND that is healthy for BD to be exposed to. Additionally, I assume BM has family who could help facilitate these meetings.

There is a very big difference in having a cup of coffee or exchanging pleasantries at pick-up, or even having breakfast together once a year on Christmas when everyone in both households agrees to it and spending 2.5 hours every week with an ex who is capable enough for overnight visits in spite of their mental health issues. That, to me, tells me that either BM is spending the correct amount of time with BD based on her faculties/health OR that she is a flake of her own volition and is perfectly fine to let someone else pick up her slack (which she'll just flake on when BD is older and gets hurt regardless).

Dude needs to look at the situation he is actually in and not the idealized version he wishes he has based on his idealized version of what he thinks his parents had. It's entirely possible that his parents could have these sorts of interactions and it was healthy. But dude isn't in the same boat that his parents, and his actions long-term could hurt his daughter and will kill his marriage.

If my husband did this he'd be a divorced assh*le in short order.

This guy is putting his misguided thought that he's making his daughter feel good that her parents "get along" ahead of his wife's very real discomfort with the situation.  Chances are he's only confusing the kid,  and that he's mis-remembering what actually went on between his own parents (which I suspect was much less contact than what he's doing).

If this isn't about him and the ex wife then he would be bringing his current wife along as well so that his daughter could see a "blended' family in action.  

Our first Christmas living together, DH got up and went to BM's for the kids' Christmas.  That almost did it for me.

I can't remember how I reacted but that was the last time he did that.  He still supported BM too much, imo, but at least he wasn't over there.

I would have a very, very hard time accepting these Saturday meetings and I dont think its good for the child.

I have a friend who had her ex-husband come to her house (their marital house) every weekend to cook breakfast "for the kids." The "kids" were in high school. It tore my friend up every single week--she did not want the divorce.

That could NOT have been good for anyone--my friend, her ex, or their teenagers.

Sure, ideally parents should have good relationships with their exes. But show the kids reality, not a fantasy life of a family that doesn't really exist. The demonstration of a healthy relationship should be with the CURRENT partner. This father is putting his own feelings and those of his exwife above the feelings of his current partner. I wouldn't stick around for that. If this fantasy family is so important to him, then he shouldn't be dating until the kids are out on their own. (But I guess even then he might not stop the charade.)

When husband was separated not divorced, that he would run in circles to try to "keep the peace".

He moved Toxic Troll to her new digs. He bought beds for skiddos. They cried that they were hungry and he would drop off groceries. Toxic Troll would host pool parties for SD17 powersulkCPSer and he would be the food/snack/pool noodle/pinata provider. 

He absolutely never ever ever did he do "happy family" days with Toxic Troll after he and I started our relationship.

Even HE is not that lame and thats saying a lot.

What an AH. 

There's a difference between being civil and playing happy family. Ex can take public transportation, uber, rollerblade, unicycle...

Esssntualy every Saturday he goes on a date with his ex wife. 

You can "get along" with your ex but it doesn't have to mean going out with them EVERY Saturday morning without fail.

Surely, getting along means speaking to each other civilly, not bad mouthing each other to the child, and so on..

I agree this would be very hard on his current wife.

When I first began my relationship with my DW.  She took the kids to se there BF,  She stayed there, but said she went to see the neighbor.  Did not believe that.  I told her this will not work. Either she stop this, or I was out of there.  I ment it.  If you can't live with someone and divorce them you don't go back and play Happy Family.

Yes you have to see the ex at school events,  then graduation, wedding, GK.  But there is no relationship with the ex.

He isn't doing this for hs daughter, he's doing this for his ex. He said that if he didn't pick her up she woldn't get to do things with their daughter. Sorry mate, this is not your responsibility. If she wants to do stuff with her daughter, she can damn well plan it and do it herself. 

He is also doing this so he can bask in a feeling of superior glory. He's trying to pretend to be FOTY and being soooo generous to his ex while vying for the title of shitty husband of the year by totally ignoring his current wife's feelings.

If he doesn't want a second divorce on his hands he needs to shape up and slice through the enmeshment that keeps him playing lord bountiful to his ex (what an ego boost!). 

I am flabbergasted that he thinks it's ok to not only go on these "dates" with his ex but to invite his wife too! And expect her to be fine with it! Why would she want to tag along with him, a woman he used to have sex with and their offspring. You don't need to be jealous to resent the idea of that.

FWIW, I am a non-step and even I think this is wrong!