No Matter How Good It Gets
No matter how good it gets, I think I value freedom more than I value love. I truly despise that my young children and myself are constantly "linked" to my husbands grown son and his nearly graduated from high school daughter.
I do not share hardly ANY values with these "kids". And in such a small town where people judge others by their families, I feel my young children deserve the freedom from being linked to their half-siblings. These half-siblings are cold and elitist. I once saw my DH's daugjter pinch my sweet dog til the dog yelped in pain simply because SD did not want the dog sniffing her leg. Can I just say that my DH's ADULT son now teaches at the local high school because he, and I quote, thought the job would be "easy."
My husband is trying. He really is. He bought us a cheap motorhome so we could travel on the weekends away from this town. We also see a counselor and have worked out our financial problems. We agreed that I am a SAHM and solely responsible for the kids when DH has to work (which is often as he is a self-employed business owner). We spend time equally with the kids together on the weekends. He visits with his other children whenever he likes, but typically on Saturdays and for lunch once or twice throughout the work week. Before you think I'm some kinda nonsense bum, I work contract-based nights and still care for our kids full time. A HUGE luxury for me this year is having part-time daycare for DD2, so I can sleep. This spring, I plan on returning to school to have a skilled trade and better financiallu contribute by the time my youngest is ready for Kindergarten.
But these small details make me so hurt-----We got our church directory today, and in it was listed OUR family as pictured. Here's the painful part...My DH's adult son and teenage daughter were listed FIRST before our children who were actually present for the photograph. My DH's older children NEVER attend church with him, and they rarely did when he was married to their mom. Why are they listed as "members of the church"? I don't want to be associated with these people. But I find it inescapable! They literally moved closer to us so now they are a 10 minute walk away. YUCK.
I have a wonderful plan to have my kids attend school for the first semester in a public local school. Then, I plan to take them abroad to live in Costa Rica. My husband is on board with this idea. I already supplement their education with a UK based global standard curriculum, so this would not impede their studies. My plan would simply give them a place of their own far far away from the nonsense of my DH's socipath ex and troublesome children.
What gets me so upset is how nobody seems to notice how awful these kids are. The adult SS is the most condescending, elitist misogynist I have ever encountered.
OK, I realize I am sounding like a whiny monster. But let me reiterate what all has happened over the last 7 years. My husband's son has called me a prosititute, called me a slob, told me in a letter that I don't deserve to live in my home because I don't keep it tidy enough and I earned none of the money to build it, gossiped about me to whomever would listen, and accused me of cheating on his father multiple times to my face. My DH's daughter had stolen my Facebook password, a harddrive with my tax info and half-naked prenatal photos, and stole my Apple iwatch. She enjoyed seeing me desperately looking for the watch (a gift from my dad) for months before I finally yelled at my DH loud enough to get him to address her theft. Her response was "I only feel bad when I steal from certain people."
See why I do not want my precious children associated with these people? My kids and I deserve a fresh life away from their issues.
Btw, I tell my kids all the time that they can enjoy and love their half-siblings. I encourage my DH to visit with his children. I just don't want to be forever associated in a small community with sociopaths.
I am honestly considering just moving on from my husband, back home to my hometown where people know me and know I'm not some horrible gold-digger. If this happens, DH will see the kids on the weekends. I will take no money from DH that I am owed according to the prenup, and instead will have full physical and legal custody. My DH is 15 years my senior and everybody treats me like I am a deadweight financially. I'm not. I can do just fine on my own.
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It seems you main concern is what other people think,
It seems your main concern is what other people think, not current problems with your skids. Why are you so concerned about that? If your DH is a good dad to your kids is it really fair to reduce that to weekends because you are worried about being associated with his kids? If I have missed something and they are currently causing issues, my advice might be different.
You're right. I should not
You're right. I should not care what people think. But imagine leaving your home to pick up milk and bread and running into somebody EVERY TIME who makes over your son and how he looks so much like ss23. Meanwhilr SS23 is a royal ahole to you. Calls you a whore or a slob every chance he gets in front of your in laws. Meanwhile, you are still supposed to show up on Christmas Day merry and cheery at the in laws, pretend niceties with the SS23 and if you let on to any anxiety people in your "family" call you overly sensitive or weak spirited.
I hate all of these people, and my DH is a small price to pay to escape their disdain for me. They all suck. Miserable big fish in a small town. Can't stand them.
Sounds like you are less
Sounds like you are less worried about what people think and more sick of having to *hear about* what they think.
If I had referred to my father's wife as a whore or a slob...
They would still be looking for whatever was left of me.
Ditto if my son (SS) had spoken to my wife that way.
And yes, my dad's wife, of 61 years and counting is my mother. My DW and I just celebrated our 29th.
Your DH needs to beat his toxic POS spawn into a snivling lump of shit for that. Repeatedly. That he does not, and that your IL's have not turned that POS into fertilizer as the genetic effluent he is says far more about your DH and his entire shallow and polluted gene pool than anyone needs to know.
WTF are you still doing wallowing in that shit filled genetic cess pool?
Take your own child, move out of State, file for divorce and nail that POS for a shit ton of CS while doing everything in your power to keep your child away from all of them.
I feel ya.
I feel ya.
I hate going out in public with these skids over here.
Who cares if people think you're a gold digger. That's usually what misogynistic people say as an insult because they envy your lifestyle.
Where is your husband in all of this? He needs to put his kids in check so they're not disrespectful to you in your home.
Where is he? Good question!
Where is he? Good question! Right now he is hanging out with some "mutual friends" while I handle our kids because according to him, "i am a b***" and I "chose to have them. They are my responsibility."
The most he has ever done to stick up for me is say almost sleepily, "That's inappropriate, son."
Oh, and after I threw major fits like a crazy person, he agreed to keep our home a safe-zone where I wouldn'f have to worry about his ADULT graduated from college son stopping by once a week to have a beer. Of course, DH had broken this sacred rule already because he was simply mad at me and I didn't "deserve that respect that day." The people in his family give me panic attacks because they are all "love you" to your face, but when it matters they have nothing to say about anything.
The fact that your husband
The fact that your husband calls you a bitch and thinks your kids are solely your responsibility because you chose to have them would be enough for me to leave, even without the skids. And I'd take every penny I was entitled to under the prenup, plus child support.
what do you get out of your
what do you get out of your marriage?
My dad would punch me in the mouth every time he saw me...
if I spoke to his wife the way your idiot DH's shit elder spawn speak to you.
I would do the same to my son if he spoke to my wife that way.
Where is your DH's balls and why the hell are you with this moron POS toxic prior family breeder?
Take your kids and get the hell away from all of them.... And take every Cent you are elegible for in the Pre-Nup. Move you and your kids back to Costa Rica before filing... if DH is supportive of that, then do it. Get an attorney who can represent you in the divorce who will get you the pre-nup agreed assets... and a shit ton of CS while DH wallows in the presence of his shit gene pool first family noxious progeny.
I lost respect for DH when it took you badgering him into going after his toxic daughter for her selecting thieving. What POS says she only feels bad about stealing from some people. I would have put her ass in jail if I were you.
Save yourself, save your children from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool. Which is their father and their elder POS half sibs. Heat South and make sure daddy pays for how ever many decades it takes for your children to reach the applicable age of majority in the state where your CO will be issued.
Grrrrrr!
Good luck.
I have no idea why I was
I have no idea why I was stupid enough to choose to be with an older man with kids and a nasty ex. I guess I was in love? In stupid is more like it. My dad threw a fit over me choosing to date this guy and I should have listened.
Look, I have fantastic kids with him. He is a good dad, except that it has taken YEARS of me coaching him on how to be more present and how not to ignore his kids when they speak to him. He is one of those, "I'm sorry, I have a lot on my mind" types who completely zones out when at home and expects everyone to just be OK with being blatantly ignored. I'm not Ok with that at all. So I have fought for my SD, myself, and my children to actually have real attention from DH when he is home. I feel like I have been responsible for orchestrating everything. His excuse is, well, he makes all the money so... Only less than 12 months ago did he start giving me $750 a month to use on groceries and supplies for the kids or home. Before, I had to ask and make an argument as to why I needed or the kids needed something. $750 a month goes quick. He then upped it to $1k. Then he took it away because he is "helping me with my credit card". I overspent on my credit card because I we are about $40k short of what we need each year in our budget. I gave up date nights so I could instead put our youngest in daycare part time. m I cut my own hair. I buy used clothing once every two years. He is so effing cheap about everything. I hate my life with him. I could do so much better on my own.
He thinks Halloween decorations are dumb, same with Christmas decorations. Oh and whenever I used to suggest me working 2nd shift before my eldest went to Kindergarten, he would say it wouldn't work because he needed the flexibility in his schedule to work as late as 9 or 10pm some nights. He is not cheating. He is literally that disorganized that he ends up working that late regularly. So for extra money I work overnights as a caretaker in private homes, and I earn decent money. But I come home sleep deprived. I'm still expected to keep the house tidy, do ALL the laundry, make dinner (not brekfast) and manage everything household. I even mow the lawn and grocery shop. And last week he wanted me to "contribute more financially" because our dd2 is in daycare part-time. I said, um, I deserve 4 hours to myself to eat and crap in peace. Or deep clean the bathroom. Or do a special home project I can't do with a toddler underfoot for safety reasons.
I have so much anger towards DH. I feel he was a huge mistake. I feel he has sucked me up into his life and when I said, hey, what about my own identity, he said, "aw, so sorry, you cHoSe this!"
I hope to move back home to my dad's empty extra house, save, and get an apartment or buy my own home soon. I need to stay here so I can attend school and earn a skilled trade certification. But is that just me stalling out of fear? My dad is in his 70s and cant watch my kids while I go to school. I guess I could force DH to pay for daycare, though, while I attend school. My ds5 does not want to switch schools.
I'm chasing $22 an hour, $34 with experience. I've already been accepted to the trade school.
I would be so willing to give up the probably $10k in equity and $1500 a month rental payments if I could get full legal and physical custody. I want freedom for myself and my kids. I have to be careful how I bargain. I want to be able to take them abroad half the year, celebrate holidays with their dad and I amicably in the same room, and let him see them weekends when we are in the US. That's all he wants anyway. He wants to work work work all week all day long.
Get thee to a lawyer!
find out what your options are. That is if you have not already...
If that's all he wants,frame
If that's all he wants,frame it as a favour you'd be doing him and BARGAIN with that! Do not turn down anything you're due - your kids might need it some day.