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Am I getting softer or just learning to accept it?

ICanMakeIt's picture

Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Wed, 01/10/2024 - 1:47pm

DH had SD 2nd half of Christmas which ended last week. SS is aged out and works FT pretty much so he doesn't come anymore.

Prior to SD coming DH had been on the phone with SS where he told DH he was wrapping his sister's gift along with his mother's husband's gift. DH replied cheekily something to the affect "oh I guess you'll be sending my gift with your sister when she comes down". 

SD arrives empty handed (I had taken her shopping when she was here for Turkey Day for her dad).

Leading up I was almost obsessing over what would happen, and then when nothing arrived. I just went numb. It isn't about the gift. It could have been a crayloa crayon made card from the kid. It was the point he had the nerve to tell his father he was wrapping for someone else and then leave his dad out. Oh and he thanked his dad on that same phone call for the gift his dad sent him and he had already opened.

Comments

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Wed, 01/10/2024 - 3:32pm

How old are SKs?

I stopped helping SD13 shop a few years ago. She was totally uninterested. It was pulling teeth to go shopping. I even tried to get her to look online. She would just say "I can't think of anything" even though I gave her multiple options. She also had no problem making a wish list for herself, complete with screenshots and all. 

I'm sure it hurts DH feelings, but that's just how it goes if they put zero thought into others. I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it. As SKs get older, your DH will just have to get used to it if that becomes their norm. 

*edit: I'll never forget one year SD13 was at BMs. She called DH to ask for money for something... and his response was "Thanks for saying Happy Birthday." He was hurt and it was hard to watch, but that is also what their relatioship has come to be (currently anyway). Only communicating when needing something in return. 

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Wed, 01/10/2024 - 4:10pm

My SD comes up every year for the annual Christmas gift grab (where she's showered by DH with gifts, plane tickets, and restaurant food). Every year it's the same. She will purchase gifts galore for her brother (who also lives in this state) and for her current boyfriend if she has one and for her friends. For DH? Nothing. Not a token gift. Not a card. Not even a kindergarten drawing in crayon. Never. Oh wait... there was the ONE year she was feeling generous and got him a box of Slim Jim's... a small box of 6 short ones that was probably $1-2 at the time from the General Dollar. 
 

It won't change. Maybe when she's in her 30s or 40s she will bring him some gift she got off a free table at a garage sale or something but it will only be to avoid looking so bad. 

 

ICanMakeIt's picture

Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Thu, 01/11/2024 - 10:28am

That's just sad and why do they continue to buy and pay for so much when they are treated like nothing. I think that should be DH gift to SS next year, slim jims LOL! 

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Wed, 01/10/2024 - 7:54pm

DHs kids NEVER came here with gifts for him, even when we'd give them shopping money. I called his youngest daughter out one year....where's your dad's gift? "I ran out of money." Me: Well, since WE gave you $500 to shop, I think your Dad should have been first on your list. She just shrugged. And that was the LAST year we gave money to his kids to shop. And when the last one aged out, we stopped giving gifts all together. DHs kids came her for years empty-handed all the while racking up big time, cash and gifts. 

16 years later, DH's son comes over for Christmas eve this year. I had gifts for him, his GF and the baby under the tree. He walked in empty-handed again. SMH

Some things never change.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 01/11/2024 - 9:30am

Do you really have it take kids out.  They can get a pre paid visa at any store and order online. A 13 yo can figure that out. I would think a 11 yo with a little help could do it better then you  

ICanMakeIt's picture

Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Thu, 01/11/2024 - 10:27am

Yep good point. This kid who I am trying not to refer to as kid anymore, is just a Loser. I'm sadly not surprised but still kinda at the gall to tell your dad you bought your step dad a gift and are wrapping it and then not send a iota of anything, not even a Christmas card.