Winning the parent/family lottery is no small thing.

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Losing that lottery can be catastrophic.

Though, IMHO, only for as long as a person chooses to embrace the path and embrace the example that that the less than quality parent/family perpetrate in their own lives.

At some point the baggage we inherrit is our baggage to resolve, or embrace. Ultimately, that choice is ours.

Yes, I won the parent and family lottery. So it may be a relatively easy stance for me to take.

So, thoughts? Does the individual own their own outcome regardless of their parent/family lottery results?

Yes and no. The individual

Yes and no. The individual does have the responsibility to break family curses and live a moral and productive life. Nobody else can do it for them. We've all seen what happens when someone becomes a professional victim, and despite all the attention and resources thrown at them, they never "get better."

That being said, i think some people are just so hard broke by the time they reach adulthood that they lack what it takes to change. Whether it's genetics or mental issues, or just deeply ingrained behavior patterns, they are (I hate to say it) a lost cause. I feel pity for those people and want to help them, but i'm not going to lose myself or my peace trying. At least i will try not to. Examples (sorry if it offends to call out) include JRI's SD and the one who recently died after losing limbs. You can do what you can to ensure people like that have their basic needs met, whether it's contributing a dollar amount monthly, setting up care such as managing their finances or getting them into a nursing home, or buying them food, etc. But you have to have boundaries or the person's constant drama and need will drain you, mentally and financially.

I'm With "You Own Your Outcome"

for the majority of people. As Rumple said, there are some humans who are so damaged in childhood they just cannot "re-direct" their lives. For those individuals, we just offer empathy, help when we can (not enable) and set appropriate boundaries.

I am living proof one can have a horrific childhood and be a good human. I grew up in extreme poverty in a very toxic and abusive home; blended family. While I graduated in the top of my class and was in the National Honor Society, I did not attend college because my mother, a 7th grade dropout, had no idea how to navigate that and the school system considered me a "lost cause" due to the part of town I grew up in. I worked any job I could find, worked hard and did what was needed, took training classes, etc. and eventually made my way into office management. My first husband and I raised 2 great kids without the toxic mess I grew up in and they are doing great today. While we did divorce, we co-parented properly, respected each other and today, are on very friendly terms. I consider him and his beautiful wife friends of mine. There is way more to my story but you get the gist....but I found my way out into a fairly healthy life style. So, yeah...it can be done. You just have to want it. And I wanted it.

I think that losing the

I think that losing the family lottery can be difficult to overcome and can start a person out with some handicaps. They may not have had parents that fed them and were too hungry to concentrate in school. They had no one to make sure their homework was done. Or their home life was so chaotic with drugs.. lack of oversight due to a variety of reasons.. or just plain abusive.

Then there are kids who literally never see their parents get up and go to work.. the child never sees hard work modeled before them... they may see their parents break the law.. lie or steal to get things..

Sure, schools have the kids x hours a day.. but the kid still has to go home to "that".

But, I have known people who come from horrific backgrounds who are able to thrive. I have seen kids from what seemed to be great ones crash and burn.

In my own case.. my parents would have been seen as good.. dad and mom were well educated.. we didn't have any worry where our next meal would come from.. but my dad and mom did not have the best marriage all the time.. so I guess it's not all perfect right? My brother tended to blame our "family dysfunction" for him self medicating with drugs... that led to decades long addiction.. until he finally got sober.

I don't think our life was that extreme.. I mean.. I would put it in the 'we didn't get hugged enough.. and dad was a judgemental arse to us... but we didn't live in constant fear.. and the outbursts weren't daily or anything.

My POV was .. your family has you for the first 18 or so.. after that.. you choose your life.. you can choose to cut out toxic people etc.. you can't be a 38 year old whining about how you blame our parents for the fact that you didn't have a great childhood.

That is kind of where I go with it... your background can put you behind.. but there are a lot of opportunities to also choose the right path..

This is exactly correct IMHO.

All, thanks for the feedback.

All, thanks for the feedback. It is interesting that those who have made a life of reasonable calm and success get it. Even when they may have started from some level of parental/family disfunction and dificulty.

My DW was raised at the ragged edge of extreme poverty though in a solid marriage family between partners with a demonstrable work ethic. Horrible decisioning skills, terrible tendencies to pursue instant gratification towards dreams and fantasy goals. But, a solid marriage and incredible work ethic.

DW saw from a very young age that she wanted stability beyond the example she was raised with. She did have an OOWL child at 16 but did not allow that to dislodge her from the path she was hell bent on completing regarding HS graduation Vs letting the school administrators vector her to the teen mom GED path, then on to a university undergrad and to complete her CPA. The AICPA and most State equivelents changed the requirements to sit for the exam to include 30 additional university or graduate level hours on top of experience criteria. That change occurred less than a year before DW finished her undergrad. So, with the addtional hours required she chose to complete an MBA. She completed her undergrad and grad school both with honors. When she sat for the exam she was in the final two day pencil and paper exam when they took all 4 sections over that two days. She passed 3 out of 4 and missed the minimum score for the 4th section by 2 points.

She re-took section 4 (Audit) on one of the first test dates for the CBT test format about 4mos later and passed.

She was within two points of passing all 4 sections on her first test date. Using pencil, paper, and a 4 function calculator. Back in the days of all 4 sections taken over two days with only 2 test dates per year, low single digits of those taking the test passed all 4 sections. She.. is a rockstar. High standards for herself and others. Including me. Which I fully appreciate.

She is my example of the possibility of success even for someone coming from a challenging parent/family background. Though there was no abuse or neglect for her to have to overcome.

People who win the family lottery

Are the ones that stay married , are not on this boards. They are on the Susie homemaker everything roses board. The people who get divorced have already lost the family lottery. Unfortunately they know it. But try to keep it to themselves. It's amazing that it's the other persons fault. Two people and no one take credit or not credit for screwing up life. There something wrong with us to get involved in this mess not of out making. But we think we can fix it,

'there the happpy family want to be's. Who Lost there change ....now trying to re due the happy family ...what impossible. But they keep trying.

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