Am I just being ridiculous?
BigBrother5's birthday is coming up. Starry and Preach originally asked us to help pay for his birthday party, which would have been almost $300 for one hour at this local kids play area/arcade. DH wanted to do it, but I thought that was expensive for one hour.
Now Starry has changed her mind and wants to have the party at their house. But Preach sent DH a text asking if we could buy BigBrother5 a $65 toy instead of helping pay for the party. Yeah, they tell us what to buy the kids. If we pick out things for them, Starry bitches about it.
That seems a bit much for a gift in my opinon. I know stuff costs more now, but dang! Am I being unreasonable here?
Also, this kid gets toys right and left. His parents buy him something every time they go out. Every time he asks for something, they buy it for him. Starry recently bought him this huge vintage Star Wars ship that ended up costing her $100 on eBay.
He played with that for a while, until LittleSister2 broke it.
I'm sorry, but I think it's stupid to ask your dad and stepmom to pay or your kid's birthday party. We never asked our parents to do that stuff.
In fact, we didn't ask them for any money. We either worked more hours, saved money for something or just did without it.
That is what being an adult looks like, Starry! You make more money doing hair part-time than your husband's full-time job pays almost! What do you need our money for?!?!
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You should look into savings
You should look into savings bonds and other methods for saving for college for the grandchildren Also time to tell the moochers that your saving goals have changed and retirement is now the highest priority.
I honestly don't know how you are going to get thru this without some high drama and estrangement time. DH will have to choose a side. Starry will push it that far.
We have already had high
We have already had high drama and estrangement time when she was 16. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens again. I hope this doesn't come to him having to choose sides. I would lose, now that he has a daughter AND two grandkids.
Yep savings bonds. Buy them
Yep savings bonds. Buy them for the GSkids, scan them then snip the image into a card you print then keep the actual bond in your possession until the bonds mature then give them to the GSkid when they are in school and need them after high school.
That does a couple of things. It invests for the GSkids, it rips Starry's fangs out, and it keeps your SO relevant as the bond grows to a notable valure over the decades between purchase and when you choose to hand them over to the GSkids without giving Starry the money.
Being a GGF
And back into buying toys. $65 is not that outrageous, at 5 the kids are into electronics already. Like a Amazon fire tablet or a SAMSUNG. what ever. iPad
'Do you really want to go to there house? I would not. I would do my own party
I guess I should be grateful
I guess I should be grateful I don't have to shell out dough for half of this party. This is a regular toy though, not anything electronic.
For me, it's the fact that Starry and Preach are spoiling their son. I feel like buying an expensive toy he will play wth for two weeks until they buy him something else is just encouraging that.
Savings Bonds
Fabulous idea
It also sets the bar higher
It also sets the bar higher for next time, and the time after that. Your SD is setting a poor precedent, but it's not something a SP can point out without getting their head chopped off.
I had a friend with a huge extended family that would shower her daughter in presents every birthday and Christmas. By five, the daughter no longer appreciated getting gifts, so my friend would put the majority of the gifts away in a closet to be doled out throughout the year. She also had the lady balls to explain this to her family, telling them she wanting to raise a daughter who understood gratitude.
You could also try to position you and your DH as the "experience grandparents", focusing on doing/giving specific activities with the grands. I'm sorry, this is such a minefield, isnt it?
StepGK gifts
Since we have 9 gkids in our blended family, I established a set amount that we spend on each for bdays and Christmas. Parity, my step religion.
That said, if the parents wanted to tell me what to buy, I'd do it if it was in my range. So, "dear" SD would tell me to buy x for child#2 and I'd do it thinking, "I'm done'. But then, I'd get the call before the event 'Take it back, Child#2 wants y instead".
I was working full time, going to night school, living with high,-maintenance DH and taking care of my house. Grrrr.....
I think the toy's your
I think the toy's your cheaper bet but maybe say something like "We were thinking, after this years birthdays that we'd love to put $50 into their kiddo accts or into savings bonds to help with their futures. " would that go over well or would she implode?
Hopefully... the toxic
Hopefully... the toxic breeding Skid would implode.
Win, win, win. Participate in the future of the GSkid, GSkid gets the benefit of a savings bond when they are at an age where it can make a difference to them for school, etc..., and ... the toxic StepSpawn strokes out.
My thoughts.... if you and
My thoughts.... if you and your husband feel that the kids get enough toys then maybe you could take the child out for a special day out. It would be more memorable and make the child feel special while not really benefiting his mother.
Or perhaps a trip to the store and let the child pick out a toy (within a budget that you choose) so that you can feel it is something that he really wants rather than something that bm wants him to have?
In my family we do usually make suggestions for birthday/christmas gifts both for adults and kdis. We usually though keep suggested gifts under $50 at most I would say (more usually around $25 - but as my teen nephews have aged I've been spending more on them) . It is just how we function and it works for us especially as we live on 3 continents so don't get to really know well what is going on in each other's lives and what the kids have etc to always be able to choose something appropriate. It works for us - but I know other families are different, my husband always makes fun of the practice as it isn't something that is done in his family.