It took years of failed communication for DH and I to realize that defending ourselves or arguing with BM was a waste of time. Sometimes I wish we could go back in time and slap ourselves upside the head for our poor, lengthy communication, justifying our actions, that often led to toxic, dragged out fights with BM. We gave her the attention and reaction she wanted over and over again. It's not worth the breath because no matter how much we justify our actions or are "right", we will always be wrong. BM is always perfect and DH is always a failure, loser, and deadbeat. 

I told DH that if BM responds, tempting him for a fight, he cannot respond. DH said all he needs to say in that first response. 

I think BM is narcissistic. She literally has all of the traits of someone who would be labeled as a narcissist. GF on the other hand has a superiority complex, but a lot of insecurity and paranoia. I think overall, they both think they are better than everyone in this world (DH, me, their families, their friends, coworkers, everyone). It is why they push SS12 so hard to be the smartest, best athlete, etc. BM used to blatantly criticize DH on literally everything, but the courts shut her down on that behavior so now it is far less, but she still finds her ways to jab, like this email. She doesn't directly call DH out, but the insinuation is clear. 

I think BM thinks that DH is a failure as a parent because there can only be one and she is superior. And I think it kills BM to see DD2, who is thriving, happy, and ahead on her milestones, because DD contradicts everything BM thinks about DH as a Dad and us as a family. We could never raise a healthy, smart, happy, well-adjusted child because we are losers, failures, and deadbeats. Every time BM sees DD at a pick-up, you see BMs head explode a little bit. She gets super uncomfortable and shuts down. 

I think BM and GF are insecure about public opinion. They are a gay couple, living in a very conservative state, raising BM's child who has an active father (that BM likes to hide), and oh BTW, BM was a teen Mom. I think they are trying to rewrite the narrative to make all of this sound better than it is and to make themselves "fit in" with their "peers" because SS' friends all have much older parents (at least 10 years older) due to BM having him as a teen. I can't speak to their marriage but they seem grossly obsessed with one another. I think they both struggle to accept that we do have a good family and SS loves us, no matter how hard they fight it. 

BM and GF make good money. We know this for a fact because BM had to provide her financials last year when she requested a CS adjustment. BM alone is clearing $100k, not including the $9k a year BM gets from DH in CS. DH and I assume GF is at least clearing $60k based on research, but likely more. Money isn't the issue here (or at least it shouldn't be). SS claims they are always broke, never go out to eat, never buy stuff, but we don't understand how, given we have proof of BM's financials. I think BM and GF spend their money on themselves (3 week honeymoon abroad, new cars for both, etc.) instead of spending on SS like they promise. DH and I bring in quite a bit less than BM and GF, but we still try to make it all work. It's all about priorities.