These skids are going to be the death of me.... or my marraige.......and they almost killed my baby yesterday.
Dh laid down to take a nap yesterday, so I took BS-3 and BS-6months with me when I went grocery shopping. I left Sd9.5 and ss-stb11 home watching tv.
I come home like an hour later and Dh is half worried and half pissed at me. Apparently the skids told him that I got mad at the and stormed out angry. Nothing of the sort happened. I very nicely said your dad is sleeping please stay quietly in your rooms while I go grocery shopping. No yelling at all, all day. And of coarse they have nothing to say when confronted with my version of events and Dh doesn't push it or say anything to them about lying.
I had Dh the baby and ask him to watch him while I put the groceries away. He takes the baby into the baby-gated area and sits down with him. While putting groceries away in the next room I glance into the baby's area and see him choking on something white in his mouth. Dh was conpletely oblivious. I jump the baby gate and get to him before Dh even reacted to me saying that he was choking. Pulled a dice out of his throat.
NO kids toys are supposed to be in the baby area. NONE. But of coarse the instant that they were unsupervised, what do the skids do? Exactly what they have been expressly told not to do. They took a game of yahtzee into the babys area and didn't clean it up. They have a whole friggin house to play in, but apparently just had to be in that fraction of that one room. And were of coarse too lazy to clean up when they were done. And Dh was so oblivious, he didn't notice when he sat down, and didn't notice the baby choking two feet from him.
He called them in and asked why it was in there and SD just says oh we were playing and didn't clean up. No remorse, no sorrow.... Nothing. Neither one of them gave the tiniest of rats asses that they almost just killed their brother. Had I not peeked in to check him, who knows how long before Dh noticed something was amiss.
It's not a hard rule.....my three yr old gets it. No non-baby toys in the babygated area. It's getting harder and harder to forgive these kids and move forward. Their carelessness and stupidilty is boardering on the intentional now.
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My Dh is as useful as a 13 yr
My Dh is as useful as a 13 yr old, and the skids are like toddlers. I can't count on anyone for anything. I literally have more faith in my 3 yrbold ability to keep an eye on the baby over Dh. I wouldn't dream of leaving either skid alone in a room with him, ever.
He yelled at them, but no follow through. No punishment, no appology even. They just stand there with a deadpan face and then went back to watching tv in their rooms. I even asked him about ten minutes later, "does it not bother you that neither one of them said sorry?? Or expressed any kind of remorse??" He just shrugged, almost defeated, "they don't care about anyone but themselves". I think he's given up on turning them into productive people. He never follows through on consiquences anymore. He just yells at them, then drops it. They just wait him out and go about their day.
I think of myself as a single mother, that just happens to be married
Are you sure it was not
Are you sure it was not intentional?
I think they are
I think they are intentionally misbehaving. But I don't think they were intentionally trying to kill their brother. But if my three yr old can grasp the concept that the baby puts everything in his mouth and can choke, then they should have realized how dangerous this little act of defiance was.
Ugh, I feel for you! one
Ugh, I feel for you! one time last summer when BS was about 1.5 when I got home from work, skids were there. They were out on our side patio with one of DHs friends. BS wanted to go see everyone, so I left him on the patio with everyone (DH was inside the house) and went in to change my clothes. About 5 minutes later, I heard DHs friend leaving and could hear skids out on the patio. A couple minutes later, while in the kitchen I began thinking that I hadn't heard BS at all and was curious as to what they were up to out there. So I go out to the patio and find skids 12 and 13 playing in BS sandbox and BS is nowhere to be found. I asked skids where BS was and they both give me the blank stare and say "we thought he was with you." WTF! I started running, panicking, calling for BS... after about 30 seconds I heard him... over on the neighbors deck. Mind you, the neighbors had a pool, our house was close to the road, we had a pond and there was a Christmas tree farm and another huge pond on the other side of us. So many, horrible things could have happened! I was more mad than I have ever been in my life.. I mean the skids were 12 and 13 for God's sake... and BS was in their "care" for 5 freaking minutes! After I found BS, I took him back to the house, gathered some stuff and we left and went to a friends, because I knew if I spoke to the skids or DH it would be VERY ugly.
DH called later wondering where we were, I told him and told him what happened.. guess what he did? Got all pissed at me, for getting pissed at skids and said it was MY fault, that I was the mom and should not have assumed that skids would keep an eye on BS. I came very close to leaving him right then and there. Skids also went home and complained to BMs that I was mean to them when they didn't do anything so of course BMs called DH wondering what happened to upset the perfect preciouses. Again, I said NOTHING to them! They were upset because they KNEW they f'cked up! Whatever! I mean, I was getting PAID to watch kids when I was that age. It was FIVE FREAKING minutes.
I can't remember, do your skids live with you? How terrible to be terrified for your children in your own home... sorry!
Yes, sadly we have them
Yes, sadly we have them 24/7/365
I feel your pain. Even though
I feel your pain. Even though I was also getting paid to watch MULTIPLE kids at the age of 11, my husband and I both agree that under absolute no circumstances will the SD (will be 12 when baby comes) be alone in a room with the baby. Not that we think she would do anything to intentional harm the baby, but we do think she will be careless and leave the baby by his/herself or not pay attention at all to what the baby may be getting into it.
Yes, Dh has some blame in
Yes, Dh has some blame in this, but I disagree with you on who shares the majority of the blame. The slides took that game in there on purpose, for no other reason than to defy the rules. This is a constant problem with them. They wait until your back is turned and then do exactly what they have been told not to do. It's not that they just forgot, and it was an accident. They went in there on purpose.
Yes, Dh should have noticed the dice, and mini pencils on the floor, but they shouldn't have been in there in the first place. Saying its mostly dhs fault for not catching it is like saying its my fault that the skids don't do their homeoerk cause I should have caught on that they were lying when they said they did it. They are old enough to take responsibility for their actions.
By their age I should be able to expect more than wild animal behavior..... Or having to monitor them like a baby.
That mentality is what has resulted in my skids being the way that they are..... That it is theory right to try and get away with anything that they can, and its everyone else job to mitigate for that, and if anything happens its the other persons fault for not cleaning up their shit fast enough.
The fact that Dh didn't
The fact that Dh didn't notice is entirely on him. But the fact that the situation occurred at all is the skids fault. They had no busniess climbing over the baby gate and being in there at all.
i disagree-yes they shouldn't
i disagree-yes they shouldn't have put a kid toy in a baby play area-however, no it's not all their fault that the situation occured THAT would be dh after you asked him to watch the baby-hell as an adult in the house, you shouldn't have to ask the dad to watch the baby.
i would've said "ok i went grocery shopping you can put them away" and walked off to play with the kiddo
I agree. OP, I think you're
I agree.
OP, I think you're blaming the skids too much on this one.
The main blame rests on your DH for not watchiing his child.
I feel your frustration, though. When I had my two younger children, LEGOS were super popular in my house. I swear, those things were everywhere.
i get you point but maybe NO
i get you point but maybe NO KIDS are allowed in the baby play area no...none at all and from now on, any toys caught in there that are not baby toys go in the trash?
First, throw the game away.
First, throw the game away. Second, ANYTHING that pops in that area, throw away or put away for them to earn back. Then, ask dh why HE didn't notice all the crap in the babies area. I understand you're pissed at the skids for being blatantly disrespectful, but dh really should have checked the area before putting the baby down. I have a similar issue with ss7 leaving small things where the baby plays, but dh nearly choked to death as a small child and he's extremely paranoid about our DD choking so he does a sweep of the room first. I'm so glad for your "mommy radar" working when it did. Be pissed at the skids for doing what they did, but also be pissed at dh for not being a responsible dad.
I feel for you 120%! My SS,
I feel for you 120%! My SS, last year, at age 11, got angry with my 3 yr old daughter for bugging him to play with her...that was her crime...he grabbed her arm and squeezed hard, leaving a large bruise. She screamed. When I found out, I told him that next time, he'd be packing his shit and going to his dad's for good. Of course oblivious wife tried to minimize his behaviour ("He doesn't realize that it hurt her...I'll talk with him") I told her, and have told her continually since, that if it happens again, I call a lawyer, I take pictures and I take my daughter and go. SS is lazy, spoiled and has no motivcation..as well as a hot temper. I am sick of hearing people tell me that I owe it to my step kids to be a father figure..they walk all over us as parents, and I'm done trying anything with them except some control over them until they get the hell out. I hope your DH sees the light eventually. Rose colored glasses and ignorance are no way to look at things like this.
Throw any non baby toys away
Throw any non baby toys away if they end up in the baby gated area. Simple as that, I bet they'll stop bringing stuff in there real quick once you start doing that. If dh has a problem with it ask him what he cares about more, stuff or your child's life.
Definitely your DHs fault.
Definitely your DHs fault. Wow he didn't notice his kid choking 2 feet away? That's kind of scary I'd be terrified to leave my son home alone with him. I'm extremely paranoid though.
I told SS just yesterday "If you leave something on the floor I will assume you don't want it and it will go in the trash." We will see what happens when I get home at 530am today.