Is being disqusting a stepkid thing?
I've read in the forums how gross step kids can be. It makes me wonder if this is some way that these steps are looking for attention, or if it is just that they aren't taught properly what is acceptable or not.
The reason this has come into my head lately: SD6 has been extremely gross lately. Way worse than normal. Three incidents in particular are gross, though I am certain there have been more when we haven't been around to catch her (at her father's house, nana's house, or at school). In the last couple of weeks:
1) Going through SD6's backpack to get her weekly and daily reports (she has a daily now because she is having trouble following rules at school. see previous posts about potential ADD). Anyway, we pull out lip liner from one of the pockets. Ask her where she got it. "I found it on the ground." Where? "On the side of the road." You didn't put this on, did you? "Um......." Silence. Did you? "..... yeah". My DW goes off on how gross that is, tells her why she shouldn't do it, etc. She is 6, dammit, she knows this. We've had this conversation with her before! How about that time she ate candy she found on the ground at soccer? Ugh. She still won't tell us how long ago she found it, how many times she used it. She just starts in with her fake-ass crying and mom caves.
2) I run a bath for her after BS2 takes his. She says she has to go potty first. Ok, whatever. She still leaves the door open to go... hope she doesn't at school, but I'm sick of being the only one parenting her, so screw it. I hear her peeing. I walk by the bathroom on the way to take some toys back to her room. And... she is sitting NEXT to the toilet with her hands in the toilet playing in her pee with a toy. At six years old! I just about lost it, I had to go get DW to handle it because I was so disgusted. DW just calmly explains why that is not ok. washes toy and gives it back to her. I would've thrown the toy away, at least then she has some consequence for being disgusting.
3) Yesterday while I'm washing the car, she HAS to be outside with me, despite the fact that she is not listening to anything I ask her to do / not to do. DW gives her a fruit-by-the-foot fruit roll up thingy. Lets her eat it outside. Knowing SD6, I KNEW letting her eat it outside is a bad idea. As I'm washing the car, I look over and she is sticking the damn thing to the SIDE OF THE TRASH CAN! I gasp of course and tell her not to eat that now! (God knows if she did it before I saw her anyway). So what does she do? Pulls it off the trash can and just starts shoving it all in her mouth. Disgusting. I of course am disgusted, and pissed that she isn't listening to me... so I have to go get DW again. SD6 is doing everything she can to prevent it... getting in front of me, trying to stop me, blocking the door... and as I come in, screaming at the top of her lungs "Don't listen to him!" over and over. I explain what happened to DW, DW calmly asks SD6 if this is true... SD6 doesn't answer, so DW immediately knows it is true. (I can't wait until she starts lying to her mom, that is going to make things so much more interesting). I go back outside, I'm sick of this nonsense. So DW tells me later that she explained why that was gross to SD6. But shouldn't a 6-year-old have known that already? So for the rest of the day SD6 was upset and pouting when around me because I told her mother about how disgusting she was being.
Hell, even our 2-year-old knows not to touch the toilet, garbage, etc. Really grosses me out, but it seems like DW just keeps shrugging it off telling me "she's a good kid." Sooner or later I hope there are some actual consequences to SD6's actions, but somehow I doubt it.
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Sounds to me like she is
Sounds to me like she is getting an awful lot of attention for being gross. First she is pushing your buttons and then her mommy is taking a lot of time "explaining" things over and over and over again. Frankly, unless a kid sees a consequence AND doesn't get the desired attention from certain behaviors, they don't really "know" what "gross" is. They don't. I can tell my 2 year old 100 times a day that something is gross, but he doesn't know what it means. Her mother needs to tell her what gross means, what will happen the next time she is caught doing something that is inappropriate, and then follow through without long, drawn out explanations and lectures. My 2 year old doesn't stop putting his hands in the toilet because he grasps that it is gross. He stops because he goes into time out if he doesn't.
Yes being disgusting is
Yes being disgusting is definitely a stepkid thing. My BF's 3 y/o son came this past week with this weird ass rash around his mouth. I don't want his dirty mouth touching my cups. He is just so gross. The kid is still in diapers at 3 1/2 cuz both his parents are totally lazy. If that little sewer rat gives my kid some sort of mouth disease I'm gonna flip my lid.
You guys ain't seen nothing
You guys ain't seen nothing yet!
I've got a 14 year old ss who still wets himself nightly and will then hide a pissed on plastic sheet, with literally puddles of piss, under the bed for someone else to find days later.
He also refuses to bring his laundry to the laundry room. Therefore at any given time he might have 5-6 pissed on blankets and 10 mildewed towels laying on the floor of his room.
Last summer he kept a dead fish he caught in his room for two days. We keep his door shut at all times due to the odor ( see above) so we just thought it was his normal stink wafting beneath the crack in the door.
Earlier this year he brought his pissed on boxers in the living room and deposited them on the end table where they sat for 24 hours before I had to put them on the end of a pencil and deposit them in the trash.
He has had worms at least 3 times.
That is effing disgusting.
That is effing disgusting. What is being done about this? What is wrong with him?
The dead fish made me gag
The dead fish made me gag :O
Literally, me too. That is
Literally, me too. That is just foul!
Im sorry but i feel bad for
Im sorry but i feel bad for these kids, these incredibly disgusting behaviours ( in my opinion) are signs reat the child is having emotional difficulties, have little to no self respect, truly have not been educated about WHY these behaviours are not acceptable or at the very least trying to get attention.
Every child step or bio will be disgusting at times... Hopefully not to the extends listed above but when i hear these stories they always sound like a call for help by the child! Its horrible they don't understand how offensive their actions are, but that's just it they don't understand, being told no don't do that doesn't teach them anything and explaining it to them won't work until they care about themselves enough to want better for themselves!
That's why I asked what is
That's why I asked what is being done about this behavior.
When SD was younger I tried
When SD was younger I tried to tell myself it's just a kid thing, but I don't know.
SD went YEARS without changing her underwear. She would take a shower, not use soap, and then put back on the dirty underwear! And yes, she ended up with a urinary infection, which BM blamed on SD wearing clothes that were too tight. Um, she was 9 and wore women's XL underwear. They were NOT too large. I tried to get DH to take all SD's underwear away and give her a clean pair to change into every day, which is what I would do with my two BDs. In his mind, that was mean.
Fast forward and my oldest BD is 9. I have NEVER, not once, had to remind her to put on clean underwear after she showers. I have NEVER had to get onto her for NOT using soap when she showers.
"DW just keeps shrugging it
"DW just keeps shrugging it off telling me "she's a good kid." Sooner or later I hope there are some actual consequences to SD6's actions, but somehow I doubt it."
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The consequences need to fall on your DW for shrugging it off. NOT on your SD.
Kids need to be TAUGHT about what is appropriate & what is not. I don't know of a 6-year old who's told something once & picks up on it. There has to be repetition. If her mom is shrugging it off, she's failing her daughter.
This is an issue with your DW's inability/unwillingness to parent her daughter...not your SD.
How is it your so digusted by your SD's behavior rather than your DW's? Your wife is the one responsible for teaching her child & old enough to know better.
My ss14 was raised in MY home
My ss14 was raised in MY home from ages 2 to almost 10. Believe me he was most certainly taught proper hygiene in the same way that all my other children were taught. I've also never seen any indicators that his bm or half siblings there are nasty on this level. Most of his behavior, I believe, stems from defiance. Defiance appears to be his number one goal for most everything.
For example, he would not bring out his dirty clothes because I asked him to. He moved back in with us last year for 4 months. The first month, I would go in his room grab the stuff off the floor and wash it. However I did not do this for anyone else so after he had a chance to settle in I felt it reasonable to request hat he place his dirty things in the laundry. In the remaining 3 months in our house he literally never put one item in the laundry. Ironically, he was occasionally putting his clothes in there prior to me requesting it become a regular habit.
He caught the fish in our backyard in our lake. He asked dh to clean it- dh refused as he fishes only for sport and throws them back in and he told ss to throw it back in. Instead he took it to his room and kept it there for 2 days until he actually became so nauseated by the smell he threw it across the street.
As for what's being done for the kid now? I'm guessing nothing. He lives with my Inlaws now.
I really believe he knows much of his actions disgust those around him and he gets a kick out of it. He's almost 15 years old- he has been taught and taught and just chooses to do otherwise. He has no learning disabilities and has been tested and is of average intelligence
ALL of my kids (both bios and
ALL of my kids (both bios and step) do some really gross things: wiping boogers onto furniture instead of finding a tissue, not flushing, shoving half eaten sandwiches right into their backpacks, etc. So I do NOT think it is a "step-kid thing". I think the difference is, when the child is yours, for some reason it's less gross.
To a certain point, I will correct gross behavior for ALL of them ("you need to flush", "please use a tissue", etc.) but when it comes to their privates (i.e. changing underwear) I have NO IDEA what goes on, nor do I want to!
As for the poor boy who is still bed wetting at 16, I would recommend he see a specialist about that if he hasn't already.
No, he's only 14- will be 15
No, he's only 14- will be 15 in a months. Has seen several doctors. Has been tried on multiple medications. Nothing works. Of course it may be related to the fact that he refuses to limit is fluid intake,refuses to go the bathroom before bed, and likes to guzzle caffeine whenever he can get his hands on it. He refuses to take any responsibility whatsoever for it or even try in anyway to stop wetting and he has said this directly. He can't help it so why bother to try and stop?
I will be happy when SD11
I will be happy when SD11 starts using a fork and stops leaving her diabetes supplies (used blood test strips and alcohol swabs) all over my kitchen.
The recent gross kicker is that one or more of the stepgirls is really into bikini shaving so I keep finding a shower with a mountain of pubes. On top of it all, their shower is inthe guest bathroom. "Hello, thanks for coming over for our dinner party. Please enjoy the pubes in the restroom."
And of course, I am a big meanie for mentioning to FDH that he needs to discuss this disgusting behavior with them and MAKE IT STOP.