No kisses at bedtime
Drove 10 hours with BD6, BD1 and DH so we could spend the weekend with SD6 since we had one of those rare weekends off of work and stuff. Things have been relatively smooth the past couple of visits, so I had hoped it would be a nice calm weekend.
Stupid me.
So around dinner time Bd6 and Sd6 were sitting at the table (we are visiting mil/fil for the weekend since they live closer to SD) and I went over and kissed BD6 on the cheek, and then turned to kiss SD6 on the cheek and got a fist to the throat instead. To my credit I didn't get mad, or even say a word. I just took my seat and ignored the incident. For those who have never read my blog, SD6 has withheld affection before due to BM's brainwashing, though the last few visits she wanted affection like the other kids got, so I thought we were past this.
This evening I tucked the girls into bed. Again, gave BD6 a kiss and without thought leaned over to kiss SD6 on the cheek and got slapped in the face. Again, to my credit, I didn't lose my cool. I said, "So, SD6, you are back to not wanting kisses anymore?". She nodded, I said "Alright, goodnight." and left the room.
So I go to the room me and DH are sharing, and take a few minutes to think, and when DH comes in I inform him that I will no longer be giving kisses to SD6. I told him, it is not because I do not love her, and it changes nothing, but I do not want to be slapped or punched anymore, and when and if SD6 wants kisses again she will have to use her words and ask me. If she doesn't ever that is fine. Some people don't show affection the same as others.
The whole time I am telling him this I am patting myself on the back for being calm, unoffended and dealing with this minor thing maturely, so imagine my shock when DH tells me I am over dramatic, and I always have to say SD6 is doing something wrong, and she is still young and doesn't need to be taught lessons like she is 12!!!
Well... Thankfully the kids were in bed and didn't have to listen to me verbally rip him to shreds after that.
What is it with DH that he feels I am a bully?!
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Comments
Hope things will get better
Hope things will get better for u. I appreciate your sweet advice to me
I think sometimes when we
I think sometimes when we point something out to them, they take it personally like were critizing them
Normally I would have dealt
Normally I would have dealt with this more swiftly. Everyone involved has no idea how fortunate they were that I was tired from the long drive and more sedate than usual last night!
Wow...punched in the throat??
Wow...punched in the throat?? Slapped in the face?? Did your husband ever bring this up to her and explain to her that HITTING other people is completely unacceptable?? I mean..I know these men get offended when we point out their kid's flaws, but come on. This kid is HITTING you! I hope after you ripped him a new one he was able to see the light and hopefully even brought it up to SD that her behavior is just absolutely not ok.
He has agreed to have a
He has agreed to have a discussion with her but still views my withholding kisses as extreme, so my hopes aren't high.
Yuck!! I feel horrified for
Yuck!! I feel horrified for you!! Your DH needs to get his shit together & have a stern talk with SD that hitting or hurting the Woman he loves is like hitting & slapping Him! Your DH needs to tell that she needs to respect you & treat you like she treats other adults as well. Would she intentionally go up to her teacher and slap her in the face? What about her best friends mom? Would she punch her? Then your DH needs to tell SD that there Will be consequences if she does & make it clear to her that shes never ever to do it again!! Rather then acting out aggressively like this- she should be learning to vocalize her fellings in a much better way!!
Your DH is doing his Daughter no good by allowing this to happen & then try to flip it on you!! I wonder how his parents would react if you told them shes assaulted you more then once now this wekend? I think you may just have allies in them & perhaps they can smack your DH for allowing such disrespect! Also, hmm, what would your DH do if your kids started to smack & punch him? Im guessing he would put them in their place & pronto too!!!!
Hang in there, but please DO stand up for yourself & never allow that child to hit you like that!! Give her a swift consequence if she does & make it a good one too!!! Make sure it will be something that will get her attention that she cannot hit you or others!!!!
It is hilarious that you
It is hilarious that you bring up his parents because I threatened to go ask their opinion on my "over reaction" last night, and he refused. Lol. He knew they would side with me I think.
the hitting is disgraceful
the hitting is disgraceful and I thought you dealed with the issue well, almost too good actually.
No kisses is absolutely SD's choice but she needs to be taught to say it instead of punching.Stupid DH is finding that ok??
Thank you! Hopefully DH will
Thank you! Hopefully DH will catch on!
BMs can have the most
BMs can have the most horrendous influence over their kids but this does not excuse phisical violence! Would your DH tolorate it if a stranger came upto you in the street and punched you? So why is it acceptable from a family member? To me its even worse!! If she doesnt want kisses then fine but politely saying no thankyou is something she will have to learn. DH is not doing her any favours by allowing her to act this way. If she did that at school to a teacher or classmate would there be discipline? or would daddy march down there and tell them they were overreacting?
You know what makes me sick?
You know what makes me sick? He might! This super intelligent man who, by the way, has a PHd, becomes an absolute f-ing moron when anyone says anything about SD6. He perceives an attack, straps on his armor and takes the position of her defender. It is ridiculous, really!
I agree, he is not doing her any favors. I also made it clear that I refuse to do him any favors as long as he acts like a brain dead idiot as opposed to parenting his daughter properly.
Men... Ugh.
Agreed, hence me saying it is
Agreed, hence me saying it is fine if she doesn't want kisses. Some people show affection differently than others. What is never appropriate is DH allowing his child to abuse me for offering affection which she has outright demanded in the past. Another thing that is never appropriate in this situation is acting like I should dole out consequences after being treated like a common bully.
I would put the fear of god
I would put the fear of god into that kid, to where she would be afraid to ever!!! touch you like that again. She needs her butt beat for that in my book!!
Omfg!! That your DH thinks it is ok .. unbelievable! Are you sure you like him?
OMFG there's no way in Hell
OMFG there's no way in Hell I'd put up with that bullshit! EVER~