Wow. That is a serious mess with those two kids. I remeber some of your previous blogs. The only thing that comes to mind, is, DH behavior, it sounds like he has already chose. I know its weighing heavy in him right now, but either way, I think you and ur baby will pay the price.

It really sounds like a no win situation from where I'm standing. You stay, and he chooses physically to be with ur but has checked out emotionally and can't move forward. Unable to be happy.

And then loses his dtrs. Granted, they are both nightmares rolling but they are his kids. And thats a heavy brutal choice to have to make.

He chooses his new life over his kids, and I'm sure he will be answering to his entire family. Ur baby prob won't even be considered.

And obviously, if he chooses them, they win, have total power over him, and they will be just angels, but he loses his wife and baby.

I hope that he is in some sort of counseling. If you think he may choose them, you should start preparing for you and ur dtr, as painful as that may be. Either way his decision goes, you are about to go though a very emotional time and you will need to muster a lot of strength.

As far as making him chose, or letting him... I'm iffy on that. If he is distant, and depressed and not engaging with our child, my mindset would be to walk away. I choose for my dtr and I not to live in hell, and be resented, and constantly put in the back burner. I hate to say it, but that is giving him A LOT of power over ur life and ur babys.

My train of thought, in the past, has been , if I'm making your life so miserable, I will do u the favor, and remove myself from it. You know best if your DH can pull through this. And if the outcome will a better life.

I hope the communication lines are open between you two. That he can discuss this with you, and express his sense of grief and loss etc. I'm not sure where the issue lies, but it does seem he has no prob shipping them off, so maybe , if he can't handle them, they might he better off. They will ne hurting themselves in the process, if they are even capable of geniune emotions.

I hope that he stands up to them, and let's them know they are welcome to be in his life, but that he cannot choose one or the other.

This is a tough one to be in. Stand strong with your own convictions, regardless of what those two girls do. It's hard, believe me, I know because I have sociopath twins at age 19 and it's never their fault! Actually they all try to blame me for what's ailing them...LOL NOT carrying that can!
He's between a rock and a hard place right now, so are you. He is a grown man, he really has to make his own choices and if you make that choice for him then I do not know what to tell you! If he is depressed, which is not surprising, then he really has to deal with it in his own time.
I had a similar issue here, SD was the worst class of juvenile offender the system here had on record, DH was in denial (of course) and it took a therapist to tell him what his issues were, by asking him a series of questions and causing him to think inwardly. DH was depressed for two weeks, maybe longer, but it was something he had to work out for himself. The SKids blamed me for all their issues, even to the point whereby DH was sympathetic with them, manipulated by them when he was feeling low and vulnerable) and he also blamed me?! Like I said, I am not willing to carry the can for that, they were little sociopaths long before I came along! I got so upset by it one day that I yelled at him 'I am not responsible for the phukk ups you and their mother made of them.' Wrong to say but correct to think...right?
If you want your relationship with DH to work out then he has to be the one who works his own thoughts out, if you want to encourage him to the positive then do not make any judgements (not out loud like I did) and go about your life as usual, do the things that interest you and take care of that precious baby.
I have not read any of your posts but I imagine that they are about similar issues.

My SDs (16 & 13) said this to my DH. He laughed in their face and told him that NO man should choose ANYONE over their wife. He also explained to them that if they get married some day, he hopes they will find husbands who always put them first. He also explained that he wasn't choosing - THEY were. He doesn't offer to do things with them without me - either they CHOOSE to accept his marriage, or they don't.

They haven't spoken to him (other than to collect Christmas presents) since July. It makes him really sad. But, like a PP said - he knows that if he "chooses" them over me, it doesn't improve his relationship with them. He loses a marriage that he's very happy in to teach them that they can manipulate to get their way.

Good luck, girlfriend. That sounds horrible. Your husband needs to grow a pair.

it is so sad that they have lost their mother so tragically (she is deceased if I am not mistaken) and now have a choice to make and dont value your darling husband enough to accept him into their lives.

I am so sorry, I understand they are his kids, I get that. But shortly these two will be adults and making their own decision in reference to life partners, and I am sure your DH wont be asked to "weigh" in on the decision they will make.

Why do kids think they have the right to do this and then why are Dh's dumb enough to entertain this shit?

I totally agree with Giveitago. Sound advice there!! I totally feel for you!! What a yucky situation for both you & DH. We all know & agree how very very wrong your skids are in this!! Talk about the ultimate of betrayals!! I can only imagine how scary this must be for you & I wish I knew the magical words to say to you, but all I can come up with is have Faith that your DH will make the right choice here. I hope he sees straight thru their bull$hit & calls them out on it!!! Perhaps he also realizes that it might be too late with them & i hope he tells them to take a hike!!!!

My hope is that he will chose his Wife & baby!! He has the unique scenerio to " do it right" with your child!! Plus he has a Wife whos dealt with all the crap the skids have thrown your way & stuck it out with him!!! I hope he can see straight thru their deceptive & manipulative ways!!!!

((HUGS)). Im so sorry your going thru all this!!! Please keep us updated!

I think many of our dh's have been in this spot-wherein the old family does not accept the new-your sd's have been very vocal in their demands, many are more subtle. My ss14 essentially did the same thing-just refused to accept me and my kids as his family despite us being blended since age 1. It just wasnt what he wanted. He did not want a stepmom or step/half sibs so he refused to cooperate. Dh struggled with it for a long time, bending over backwards to try and please him, to "court" him so to speak, putting blame on me-trying to get ME to somehow make it work-his parents backed ss up and laid it on thick as well.

For us it all came to a head, this past summer. I dont know what caused the breaking point. They all became so blatant in their efforts against ME and my/our kids that dh was finally able to say WTF? is wrong with these people and the "choice" became easy. He no longer has any relationship with his family, including ss. He tried to maintain contact for awhile after he moved out, but ss texted him a few months ago and told him in no uncertain terms that he was done with dh.

I'm not sure I have any advice for you, other than what the other ladies have said, but wanted to share my story so perhaps you can see that sometimes things DO change. That sometimes these men DO finally get it. I would try to get your dh to a therapist so that a neutral party could talk to him about how manipulative his daughters are and how they have no right to even ask this of him. He needs to realize that in a few years they will be grown and living their own lives anyway-does he really want to sacrifice his marriage, his baby for a couple of years of kissing their asses only to have them move on with their own lives?

It is a sad thing that his daughters are bitches. I think that's a hard thing for a parent to grasp that they created and raised someone who behaves so despicably. So understandably he is probably going through some sort of grief process. He's either still in denial about them or he's moved to the depressed spot where he is just upset over the loss of them and who he thought they were.

Personally, I wouldn't wait for someone else to decide my fate. He appears to be considering their little terrorist demands, why wait around? You can make your own way in the world and decide the outcome of this situation. Why leave your happiness and well-being in the hands of others?

Oh boohoo for the poor little SDs!! Their outrage is the most important thing in the universe! How dare their father actually try to have a LIFE?? If he caves in to their terrorism, he will have shown you that they will rule his life to the grave, and beyond. If he's that willing to be manipulated and controlled, then there is not much you can do, but try to save yourself and your daughter from his neglect.

I will also add that we have been through all sorts of trials and tribulations over the years with my ss14. My dh has always gotten along better with my two bios, his stepchildren, than ss14. It was a bit of a touch and go for years when it came to dh allowing himself to fully engage with my ds13. I know that he felt guilty that the relationship with ds13 was fairly easy and natural and the one with ss was so difficult. if he enjoyed himself with ds13, or maybe bought something special for ds13-then he allowed himself to be consumed with guilt for days after and would end up keeping his distance from ds.

this was all years ago, but when I finally just gently pointed out that he was preventing himself from enjoying a nice relationship with ds out of guilt, which was of no benefit to anyone-himself, ds, or ss-he said, "maybe your right" adn the issue stopped immediately. Sometimes these men are just clueless and need a gentle push in the right direction.

Also I want to add that my dh was a straight up asshole last year. If any of you were around then I am sure you can remember him leaving me, acting crazy and all sorts of things. He has a mental health condition-and he had stopped taking his meds. He was NOT himself. I could have left him at that time, or allowed him to leave, in fact it would have been the easier option at the time-but this man I swore to love, was sick. That sickness happened to make him an asshole, but he was sick none the less. I knew I could not live with myself, if I abandoned him at the time he needed me the most. Months later, here we are, he has been back on his meds for 6 months and things are truly better than ever. If your dh truly has a mental health condition, he needs some help, not for you to walk out on him and take his child with you.

It's going to take a lot of therapy but I believe that things can change for the better. The girls obviously miss their dad but their dad is wracked with grief and guilt too. I think dealing with the dad's issues is paramount here, he cannot begin to deal with the girls until he is in a better place within himself. Kudos to his second wife for staying, love is a funny thing. I stayed when others thought I should run for the hils!
I love SKids, I remember the cute little ten year olds they were (twins) and I remember the poison their mother put into their minds about DH and I. They are sociopaths, just like their mother, and I am glad they made it to age 19 and are going their own way now.
I have never been seriously depressed and I do not know how that feels but feeling a little down and angry was more than I could take so I knew I had choices I could make. I chose to maintain my own integrity and stay in spite of all that was going on around me.