Hey people of steptalk.

I was contemplating even posting a blog because I am not sure if the people I used to know are still around. There are so many new names. I am really sorry for such an abrupt and long hiatus from this site. It all just got too much. I will be replying to your thoughtful emails as soon as I get time.

First the good news. My Dh and I have gotten to a much better place. We were living apart but some terrible circumstances (I might talk about this another time) forced them to move back in with us. In a way, them moving back in with us helped my relationship with Dh. It gave us a kick that we needed. So we are not 100% like we used to be. But it's getting better. We have date nights which are quite fun. And I have gained 10 pounds and feel so much better about myself.

Now the bad news. Unfortunately, it has just gotten impossible with Ss. He was trying to get better and was putting in an effort. He really was. But in November, the same reason (that made them move back in) forced us to come clean about the videos of Ss circulating online. And it went just as expected. We did try to downplay the extent of how much the videos were being shared. But it still broke him. For an entire week it was hell. I has never been more relieved that he was in the basement otherwise our other kids would not have been able to sleep.

But all of a sudden he just decided he wants to be a terrible person. Now he just swears openly, even in front of our relatives. He was extremely bratty during Christmas. My Dh put in a lot of effort getting him very very nice gifts. And he openly said they sucked. I could see the hurt in my Dh's face. In January he snuck out twice at night. We found out he is hanging out with the same girl who wrote terrible things about him on Facebook. She treats him terribly, using his emergency debit card to buy herself things (we have since taken the card back). He has stolen alcohol from their house and has gotten completely drunk on three separate occasions. He was hiding the bottles in our yard.

He is very disrespectful towards both my Dh and I. He treats his siblings like they are non-existent. And he has completely stopped his online classes. His therapist tells us to be patient. But Ss is such a jerk that no one, except my Dh, wants to be around him any more. We are still letting him see that girl because she is the only friend he has. Of course, it is at our house only, with surprise checks. I really do not want him around her but the therapist is telling us not to give him more reasons to see us as his enemies.

So there you have it. My insane life till now. I really thought it was going to get better. But Ss just snapped from the November incident. Honestly, as much as I despise his behavior, I think I would have reacted much worse in his shoes. I just cannot understand why men lust after children and destroy the same life over and over again. I just don't.