Same recipe: SO vs. SM -- disengaging backfiring
I previously wrote about how I've stopped cooking for SS16. When I was cooking for him, however, I made pulled pork that SS and SO absolutely loved. Did SS ever acknowledge me or thank me, or do anything? No. He only grunted with a mouth full of food: "It's good." And only after SO prompted him several times.
So now that I'm no longer cooking, SO wanted to make the same dish. I found the recipe for him and he's working on it now. It's a crockpot recipe. It actually takes a little time to prep if you sear it and everything.
Thing is, I know tomorrow night, we'll be sitting at the dinner table, and SS16 will kiss his dad's butt and rave, rave, rave about how good dad's pulled pork is. I'm not even sure I can stand to listen to SS do this. In fact SO's going to take this recipe one step further and sear it on the grill! Oooh! So of course SO's version will be far and away superior to my version.
I wish this didn't bother me, but it really does. I can't seem to let it go. It's a real sore spot for me and I don't know why. I know a lot of you have learned to accept and deal with ungrateful skids when it comes to your cooking. How can I get to a place where this doesn't affect me? I really hate that SS is having an effect on me. I wish I could figure out how to be completely immune to SS' subtle and passive slights that SO is always blind to.
I thought this disengaging thing was supposed to make me feel better? It seems to be backfiring on me.
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Oh great, SO just came inside
Oh great, SO just came inside and showed me his seared pork loin with the grill marks and everything. He asked me, isn't this beautiful, and doesn't it smell great? So now SO has turned this into performance art. Sigh. This was my dish that I cooked and that everybody loved, and now that I'm disengaging it's all backfiring.
I know this all sounds so so petty and it is. With all the serious problems people talk about on this site. I know, petty.
I think part of it is that
I think part of it is that you only semi-disengaged here. SO wanted to make the same dish cause he loved it and SS loved it. You should have said "oh, ok. Have fun". Instead you put in effort to find and give him the recipe.
I think this also has more to do with your SO still being an ass than anything to do with you disengaging from your SS. You disengage and your SO wants to find a work around so poor SS isn't deprived of one moment or thrill despite his crappy attitude. You want the man to see your effort and acknowledge you, appreciate you and instead he wants your help in showing you up.
I think that like in many of the cases here its less about what SS is doing and more about what your SO is doing or not doing. I'd be pissed too, but I'd be freaking pissed at SO. He's not blind sweetie, he's just a jerk.
Thanks for all the comments I
Thanks for all the comments I really feel better now.
And SO was a single full time dad before I moved in. and he does cook more than just hot dogs and mac n cheese. The other night SO made tilapia with a mango salsa which was really good, which SS wanted no part of. It's a combination of a picky eater, and he likes to pit his dad against me and also his sdad when it comes to cooking.
And I'm actually very appreciative of SO cooking. And yes since I stopped cooking it's been some frozen, which SS loves. But that's how it's always been even before I moved in.
SS just sucks the fun out of everything. He even complained about his band trip to disneyworld. His only idea of fun is sofa + video games and no interaction with kids his own age.
Yeah I wouldn't want to be him.
Thanks everyone for your understanding and great advice!
sd would gagging noises at my
sd would gagging noises at my food and push it around on her plate, sulking, eventually throw it all in the garbage. but if she happened to see fdh stir a damn pot of something, she assumed he made the whole dinner, when i am actually the one who did it, and would go on and on about how "amazing" the food was. the look on her face when she found out that *I* made that "amazing" food was priceless! }:)
i wish i could tell you how to not care. i guess for me, it's just been so much for so long that i am drained of any emotion for sd and her bullshit. i really don't care when she does things that are meant to send a message to me, like buying Christmas gifts for fdh and bs, none for bd and me, and addressing her wedding invitation to only fdh and bs. what the F ever. don't give a shit. really, really don't. and honestly, i think when we don't care and don't react, it backfires on them. they want us to be upset, angry, hurt. well i'm none of those. so she can keep on reaching to find what will work, but she's going to be busy for the rest of her life, because for me to be upset, angry or hurt, i have to CARE first, and i don't.
i won't stoop to her level. she will continue to get invites to things that are for bs, although i will no longer be sending invites for anything pertaining to bd. the last thing i will be hosting for bd is her graduation party, and sd would not come, nor is she really wanted, so i'm not bothering. i'm curious to see if she shows up to bs's bday party this weekend. and i would be lying if i said it would bother me if she doesn't.
Thanks, bi, fortunately SS
Thanks, bi, fortunately SS doesn't go to those extremes, it's more of that he won't acknowledge me. He had his back turned to me when told his dad. yeah, pulled pork sounds great! Brat.
Too funny! Love it.
Too funny! Love it.
Lol, oh you have no idea how
Lol, oh you have no idea how many times I've wanted to do that. I'm sure I must have done it behind a closed door once or twice.
Petty or not, it's all those
Petty or not, it's all those little 'petty' things that add up and eventually cause us to blow up. I had the cooking issue with the SD's younger brother (not DH's kid, but BM tried to pass him off as his for 13 yrs til a dna test proved otherwise - another story) Anyway, this kid would come to our home and berate everything I served, right down to the salad dressing. Said he only ate Hidden Valley Ranch, I only had Kraft because we're not big ranch dressing fans. His mother bought everything generic (which I have nothing against, I buy generic on a lot of stuff) so not sure where he was eating Hidden Valley at, but oh well. I made a traditonal Thanksgiving dinner, using my mom's stuffing recipe. He informed me it wasn't like how his mom made it. I replied 'thank God! I sure wouldn't want to do anything (emphasis on anything) like your mother does it!' Bitchy? Yeah, but it got the message across. I got him a few times when he thought I had cooked something and actually it was DH who made it.
The kid thinks he's some kind of food expert I guess. We attended a family function which included my sister. She had made an awesome cheeseball and used dried beef in it. The kid told her it would have been much better if she hadn't put balogna in it! We all got a good laugh out of that one. Funny thing though, that night when we were getting ready to go to bed he asked me what kind of laundry detergent I used because the sheets and bath towels smelled so good and he wanted to tell his mother so she could buy the same brand, lol