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Omg-an iPad?

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 6:32pm

So my dd comes home today and tells me that ss brought an iPad to school today. She overheard him tell someone that my mil got it for him for his bday. I am kind of outraged. I know I shouldn't care- but the only class this kid is passing is gym. He failed pretty much every class all year.. He essentially will have to repeat his freshman year of high school. He has been suspended a number of times. He has been referred to the probation department for possessing marijuana paraphinilia and apparently smoking it on the school bus. She has to take him to school and pick him up every single day because he is suspended from the bus for the rest of the year. Aside from that he is just generally an asshole. He yells at her, calls her things like "bitch ass" and tells her he hates her. And she bought him an iPad? These people who chronically can't pay their bills- who back when dh did speak to them asked him for money almost every week as what was sent to them was not enough- can now afford an iPad?

I know I shouldn't be surprised but I am. My Inlaws are generally rather cheap people. My mil has spent years making comments about how MY children are spoiled (none of them have iPads), but they do have iPods. So this sort of goes against everything they like to pretend to believe in.

I actually think my dh was going to call ss, but when he heard that, his comment was, "there's no point"

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 6:44pm

He will lose it or break it in a week or so. And THAT will be grandma's fault as well of course.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 8:00pm

Ha! I don't know Cheri- I didn't even think of that. It's certainly possible, but since it is his bday at all I just assumed that it as really a gift from her.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 8:00pm

Ha! I don't know Cheri- I didn't even think of that. It's certainly possible, but since it is his bday at all I just assumed that it as really a gift from her.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 8:00pm

Ha! I don't know Cheri- I didn't even think of that. It's certainly possible, but since it is his bday at all I just assumed that it as really a gift from her.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 9:12pm

Well I guess now he can look up porn on his own personal device. So much more convenient.

movingon's picture

Submitted by movingon on Thu, 04/18/2013 - 11:40pm

You have absolutely nothing to do with this child, and haven't for quite some time.

I find it unhealthy that you are "outraged" over a gift he received for his birthday.. ESPECIALLY considering neither BM nor your DH actually pay child support to raise this child. (Yes, I know, SS gets disability from your DH, but that isn't child support. I mean, your DH dooesn't contribute a penny of "his" money to "his" son.)

Let it go. You have such strong emotions for a child who isn't a part of your life. Why?

movingon's picture

Submitted by movingon on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 12:30am

Cold blooded??
I suppose that's your opinion.
Everything I said, however, is true.
So, I'm gonna go with "honest."

And honestly...this woman, the OP, has nothing to do with the kid. Why does she give two flying f*cks (erm, is OUTRAGED) over what he gets as a birthday gift?
That, to me, is terribly unhealthy.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 10:32am

Look, lady, or whoever you are my dh DOES support his son-the same way he supports our daughter. Believe me, dh and I are certainly bummed that he got injured while protecting people like yourself's freedom and could no longer return to his career or ANY career according to the military-but his VA compensation and Social Security Disability are two systems that he paid into for years and years-he EARNED his money by risking his life. Most of us cannot even begin to say that-nor would most of us be willing to put our lives on the line. The amount of payment that my mil receives from dh's compensation is MORE than any child support we ever received when it was court ordered and more than the child support that bm received based on our court order when he lived there. It is certainly an adequate amount to support ss on. In addition-to that we also have him double covered on dental insurance, he is covered under dh's health insurance, and he pays all of his uncovered medical expenses (copays and such) as well. Back when ss spoke to dh, and inlaws spoke to dh-we also provided about 75% of his wardrobe as well. We have spoke to a lawyer who stated that "child support" would not be ordered as dh already is providing through his income (it IS considered his income)more than any child support worksheet would determine. As far as bm providing cs-that's not something we can control. Dh certainly cant file since ss is not residing here and mil is unwilling to.

Perhaps you dont my story. I have known my ss15 since he has been 1. For 14 years! He lived with us full time for a total of about 8 of them. He lived with ME-yes, just me and my kids-not dh and not bm for a year during one of my dh's deployment. We had every other weekend visitation for about 5 more years-with a few exceptions dependent on dh's military career-it has only been in the last 10 months that we have not had a relationship with him. I am not even going to begin to go into some of the things that have happened over the years-but suffice it to say that this is a child I've known and assisted in raising for 14 YEARS-I think it would be a bit bizarre, strange, and "unhealthy" if I were totally emotionless about him altogether. Does that answer your question as to WHY I have such strong emotions?

And, yes, as someone else suggested, I think it is an idiotic gift for a child that has so many problems. Perhaps a tutor, a special summer camp for those that are emotionally disturbed, some counseling sessions (that I have offered to arrange for abslutely FREE of charge but mil refuses to take him to since I would be the one required to arrange)-I think all those things would be more helpful to him than an Ipad. The other issue for me is that my mil is a hypocrite. Not really anything to do with my ss-she has stated that she dislikes my children-her own grandchildren-because they are soooo spoiled-however none of my kids own an ipad,nor have had any gift worth this much ever. So I felt it was an odd choice on her end of things.

I hope this has cleared up any concerns you may have had over my unhealthiness. In retrospect, "outraged" was probably the wrong word to use-since it suggest that I was very angry-I cant particularly say that it made me angry in anyway-but I definitely was very surprised and as I said above I just feel it is a stupid gift-even though my ss no longer resides here and I have not spoken to him in the "quite some time" of 10 months, I do believe I am still entitled to have opinions.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 10:42am

I do have to add that it does indeed make me a bit OUTRAGED-and this time I absolutely do mean-in a very angry sort of manner-that someone is going to come on here and criticize a man who gave almost 20 years of his life to serve his country-has had multiple deployments, and was injured in the line of duty. He supports his children with money that he earned, systems he paid into for years and years. I dont know if its bitterness or ignorance on some people's part that they would actually criticize anybody with a disability who fought for their country-but I find it very strange and bizarre. My husband has a brain injury. A true, legitimate actual brain injury. If anyone has ever dealt with someone with a brain injury you will now that this is not a minor condition-that it disrupts thinking, emotions, memory, attention. To add to this he also has PTSD, degenerative disc disorder, and chronic pain related to the 4 surgeries he's had on his back.

Needless to say I am super proud of my dh. There are lots of issues that we deal with on a day to day basis due to his disability, but he did something for a country full of strangers that many are not willing to do. He lives EVERY SINGLE DAY with the consequences of that decision. He does the very best he can to take care of his children as well as mine that are not biologically his.

No wonder we have so many problems in this country. People who live here and take advantage of the freedoms arent even appreciative or respectful of those that suffered for them!

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 8:55am

He probably convinced MIL that he was failing BECAUSE he didn't have this and the iPad was the answer to ALL his problems!