Regrouping and Trying a New Approach
I've been so fed up with SS13 over the past few months and it's really just making my blood boil - which really does me no good.
I've tried stepping back, I've tried ignoring bad behaviors, I've let him know that I'm the boss - but still, not really happy with the outcome.
Since his blow up last weekend, and my exH's bringing some things to my attention regarding DD12's feelings towards him, I feel like I need to try something new.
I've been trying to put my feelings aside and be very, very nice and nurturing. I am going to try harder to treat him nicer - and try to be a positive influence on him. I'm going to let DH handle the discipline and parenting, but I'll still have my expectations.
Last night DH had to work late so I picked up SS from school. Thursdays we only have SS. SS went up to his room and I went to mine to relax. I got hungry and decided that I'd ask him if he was hungry - of course he was, it's dinner time.
So I warmed us up some leftovers and sat down with him and chatted. It was pleasant. He let his guard down. We talked about bugs and worms and his upcoming field trip. He even said good night to me on his own at the end of the night.
I always take him to school on Friday mornings and he actually chatted with me today and said good bye. This is progress.
He's been basically ignoring me for months now, unless his dad is around, so this is progress.
We'll see.
I know I need to do something to improve the mood around here because his behavior is affecting DD12 and that's totally not OK with me.
So mama's gonna fix it up, like she always does. Again, we'll see.
Anyone have any luck with the kindness approach?
He's not an awful kid, just lazy, disrespectful, no manners, LOL - but he's also shown that he can be taught and he really seems like he wants to fall in line.
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Comments
i find most of the time when
i find most of the time when i try the kindness appraoch i get screwed. but i also believe gb
boys are easier then girls
Yes. Everything I've done for
Yes. Everything I've done for the kid has gone unnoticed and it's made me upset.
I just need to get my mind right about who he is, what he's dealt with with BM, what he deals with now with me and my three bios, the change, etc and try to approach him differently.
The tension in the house is affecting my daughter and I'm frankly the only one that can correct it - or at least be the one to make things change.
Hey there step off ! im new
Hey there step off ! im new to this so hope i am doing it right haha but i totally get what you are saying and have a 13 yr old ss myself . I honestly think it has to do with the age as well , my SS is very lazy and seems disrespectful at times and oh my god ANNOYING, with all that negative being said he is a great kid and helps us out around the house as much as he can .. I am also trying to kill the preteen attitude with kindness and sometimes it works we just have to be patient with him , sort of trial and error i guess he is our oldest child and kind of our guinea pig as bad as that sounds its true , we are on uncharted territory here ! Though it may not seem like it no i know he will one day look back and say wow how did they out up with me and be thankful that i was so kind and caring and no degrading and negative . I believe the attitude will pass and sounds like you are making great progress already ! Just stick with it you
yes. the age is interesting
yes. the age is interesting all in it's own. Soon, I'll have 4 teens in the house. My dad always used to laugh at me when my three bios were little saying, "do you realize those three kids are all going to be teenagers at the same time? You think you've got it rough now?"
LOL.
Right there with ya sister ,
Right there with ya sister , we have a 13 , 8, 6 and 5 yr old ! I will lucky to stilll have all my hair by the time im 40 :O
My SO's kids are 12, 14, 16
My SO's kids are 12, 14, 16 and 20. The two youngest are great. The 16 year old is the worst type of human I've ever met. Not even just normal teen stuff. He's psychotic. His younger brother (12) is afraid of him. I'm afraid of him (to the point that my door is locked when I'm here without my SO). His sister and mother are afraid of him and they don't even live with him.
That being said, I hope yours gets better. It sounds like you're on the right track.
I wish I had tried the
I wish I had tried the kindness approach with SS. I think 13 year old boys are just not able to compute the ins and outs of human relationships, all they see is now, and I know my husbands boy had a terrible poor me/chip on shoulder issue at that age, still does at 15. I know how frustrating it is when they seem blind to all the years of effort and are just sullen and resentful when they get into trouble. But I bet your SS had got himself entrenched in the belief that you just don't like him and are mean to him, and is unable to understand that his own behaviour is what caused you to be annoyed. That's what happened with my SS and now he boycotts our home. Your new approach will show him that is not the case and if he's a mostly decent boy will probably pay dividends in the long run. I think you're a very smart woman.